


Its all in the gang.

by DivinePoetry



Category: Never Have I Ever (TV)
Genre: Angst, Ben is not happy, Dirty Talk, Drug Use, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Future Fic, Humor, Multi, New York City, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Build, grownup charecters, not alot of dirty talk, so its ok if they having sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:00:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 71,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25632457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivinePoetry/pseuds/DivinePoetry
Summary: Paxton live in NYC for the last years, he have good friends and nice loft.And then Devi popped out of nowhere, and Pax is losing it.---Six years after season 1, this is a much more gown-up Paxton, who do adult things and live on his own.
Relationships: Ben Gross & Devi Vishwakumar, Original Female Character/Original Male Character, Original Male Character/Original Male Character, Paxton Hall-Yoshida/Devi Vishwakumar
Comments: 22
Kudos: 26





	1. My latest sin

**Author's Note:**

> this thing came just came out of me, making me writing for 2 whole weeks, till 4am.  
> I love love love this story and the characters, hope you'll like it!!  
> Pax and Devi is not the only lead here, its more about the group, but Pax is part of the gang, so... yeah.
> 
> like I wrote already, this is more adult story, with explicit sex scenes and so many weed.  
> If you are not comfortable with this, skip this fic.  
> oh and from some reason (because all of his scenes have great music) in my mind Paxton love music.  
> \--
> 
> https://itsdivinepoetry.tumblr.com/

New York is busy. It's so loud all the time, and Paxton lives for it. He enjoys the smells of the food stalls, that are on every corner apparently, and enjoys listening to his celebrating neighbors, within the bounds of good taste. He enjoys the fact he's having a constant excuse for why he's late for everywhere, - New York Traffic, Man. He does not enjoy the fact that there is never any parking. 

Paxton has been driving around the cafe for about twenty minutes, looking for a place to put his old jeep at last. He knows he has no reason to stress, he has taken the time to find parking as a factor to when he leaves the station, and he even enjoys the music coming out of the radio, music he himself has chosen, but it takes too long and there do not seem to be any vehicles moving any time soon. 

He drives slowly and his eyes search for a space spacious enough for the jeep and when he sees a white car that takes up two parking spaces he gets upset and stops. Gaddamnit - Who's a big enough bitch to take up two parking spaces in Fucking New York? 

Fucking tourists. 

Paxton felt his day was ruined from now on, and he sighed deeply. Damn. 

He is already picking up his phone when he notices a girl, who looks tired by all accounts, gets into her tiny hybrid car, thus clearing enough parking space next to the douche's car

He smiles at the girl as she drives away and notices her eyes marveling at him for a moment. 

It gives him the shot of encouragement he needed and he gets out of the car a little more forgiving towards the world. But the douche is supposed to know it's not some you do in New York, so he approaches the vehicle and with his finger he writes on the dusty rear window. 

'FUCK YOU'

Much, much more forgiving to the world, Paxton turns and enters the cafe from the back entrance, grabs his apron as he enters the coffee stand. 

It's an evening shift, so there's a lot less coffee in takeaway cups, and a lot more coffee in huge pottery cups, which means a lot less meeting with customers, and Paxton is happy with the free time because he has a lot of things to ask today. He pats Tommy on the shoulder, who is just making a cocktail for a bunch of cougars sitting near the bar. Cocktail is a big word, it's still a cafe and usually no alcohol is served here, but still 'Danny's' offers a limited (very limited) selection of alcoholic cocktails, which are usually ordered by a bunch of girls, adults or barely legal. 

"Go fuck yourself" Tommy tells him when he notices Paxton, but smiles a tired smile. 

"What now?" Paxton sighed and leaned against the counter. 

"You're twenty minutes late and Cougar Town here decided to order all the drinks we could offer" Tommy shook his head at the group of girls, who were just eyeing Paxton with giggles, as if they were 16 again. Paxton smiled at the group and winked at one of them. When the blonde woman realized this, she blushed and told her friends in a burst of excitement, and Paxton laughed. 

"New York traffic, man," Paxton says, shrugging. 

Tommy rolls his blue eyes as an answer and pours the cocktail into the last glass left empty on the tray, the waitress, Julie, who has been waiting for this last cocktail, knows that the speed of serving alcohol will decide her tip, snatched the tray quickly and walked to the group. 

"Anyway, we have more important things to talk about," Paxton says and now Tommy sighs. 

"Pax, you know I'm tryi-" 

"Did you talk to him?" Paxton interrupted him and his eyes dug deep into Tommy's face. 

"Yeah, I talked to him, he says it's not okay to do it like this, but he appreciates your initiative" Tommy replies and Paxton continues to look at him without moving a muscle in his face for a few moments. 

"and...?!" Paxton finally asks and shakes his head in misunderstanding. 

"And he will consider it positively if you turn to him through the usual pipes!" Tommy answered, feeling it was implied from his words. 

Paxton's shoulders dropped and he sighed. 

"Then his agent will just throw out the request like all the other requests for interviews on small radio stations," Paxton says, shaking his head. 

"Do not despair, I'm supposed to see him again at the Christmas party, I'll try to talk to him" Tommy tries to cheer his friend up and pats him on the shoulder. 

Paxton shakes his head. 

"I still do not believe you know J. Cole" he finally smiles and starts wiping glasses that came from the kitchen. 

"I do not know him, he is married to my boss on Rockstar" he adds and Paxton nods at him. 

"Same thing" Paxton says and continues to wipe the glasses. "Are you going to lend a hand here?" He asks after a few seconds. 

Tommy shakes his head. 

"I've been working like an ass aroung here for half an hour" Tommy begins and lowers his apron. 

"Twenty Minutes" Paxton quietly corrects him.

"Half an hour" Tommy says in a louder voice, in a much more dramatic tone, "so I'm going to the bathroom" he says and picks up a book from the bottom shelf of the counter. 

"Not the book," Paxton says and Tommy laughs and walks away. "Why the book?" He shouts at him even after Tommy disappears behind the bathroom door. 

Paxton smiles to himself and goes back to wiping the glasses, examining the customers who have been at the cafe. Aside from the bunch of hot cougars, there were four different writers, each with his own computer, the only one ordering anything other than coffee was the guy with the Mac. 

Sounds right. 

Couples loved Danny's. The lighting was always pleasant, the music was always soothing jazz music and the tables sat far enough apart from each other, ensuring privacy. Right now there were at least three couples, a couple of men who seemed to be on a late lunch date, another couple who seemed in the middle of an argument, by the way the man nods at everything the girl says and by the way her hands move while talking almost supernaturally fast, and another couple, who look like tourists, the man in a wool hat with the letters NY, and the girl had a bag that was too big to be her day bag, there was a camera strap around her neck, and Paxton could not see her face because she was sitting with her back to him, but he just knew she was wearing an I ♥ NY t-shirt.

He finished wiping the glasses and his eyes moved to the group of women sitting near his counter. He examined them, and saw that the one he winked at was definitely one of the more attractive in the bunch. Her smile was pleasant, and took off from her real age at least seven years, her hair was blond and he did not know if she had done any surgeries, but damn, she had a great body. 

Paxton looked away from her and focused on the glasses. He's been with so many girls lately that he's even got a bit tired. He didn't want something serious, he is not a person of relationships anymore, he does not have time for it. Between working at a radio station and working at the cafe, he tries to survive in New York more than living there. New York is expensive, and he needs every penny he can save, and relationships are so extra, with the gifts and dates committed to them. Paxton is too busy to find someone he will love and will love him back, and he does not even think about the fact that the word love is a lofty concept for him that he has never been able to understand. He thought he understood that, once, but everything exploded in his face and it made him yell at Rebecca, which he never wants to do again. 

So Paxton does not enter into relationships, Paxton jump between blondes and redheads, between college students and cougars, one night he eats a ginger pussy, and on another he cums on a black ass. After they leave his loft, or after he closes his pants in the bathroom of a bar, or in the house of the chosen one for the day, he takes a long shower and forgets that they were there. No matter how funny, sweet, beautiful or cool the girls were, he does not stay, he does not give them the option to think about the next time they meet, because he is no longer there. It's not that he's not nice to everyone, he smiles and laughs and flatters each and every one of them, they feel like royalty for one night, but he can not afford to stay with one of them. 

The cost is too high. 

In the middle of his thoughts he manages to see the group of girls paying the bill and getting ready to leave, and Paxton grabs his phone and walks over to the counter, approaching the group. He intends to talk to the blonde, but she precedes him and hands him a napkin with the cafe logo, on which is written her phone number and her name, Bridget. 

"I'm in town till the end of the week," she whispers to him, her eyes examining his body once more. 

Paxton winks at her and takes the napkin, puts it in his pocket. 

He turns and his eyes stop on the pair of tourists. He recognizes the man, and tries to connect a name to the face. The man has grown very much since high school, he had patches of hair on his face, very untidy, his hair, which Paxton could see now, after the man had taken off his tourist hat, was shorter, but he remained the same, the same blue eyes and the same haughty look. 

Ben Gross. 

Paxton continues to stare at him, stunned to see him here. He had not seen Ben since Paxton graduated from high school, at that time Ben had been dating her for almost a year and a half, they would walk down the halls in high school, holding hands and in love, and Paxton had to dodge from them in the hallways for all that time. 

As Paxton experienced a flashback, his eyes caught Ben looking at him. Ben at that moment touched the girl's hand and made her look, and Paxton was not ready for it, he did not want to remember all these things and see her, because he just knew he was _her_. 

He got in quickly behind the counter, but it was not that the counter was completely sealed, and he could feel his eyes following him. 

Paxton took a deep breath and released the air slowly. 

For so long he has not thought about his last two years in high school. He fell in love with her charms and after she chose Ben, she made it clear to him that her choice was final. So Paxton hid the anger that was once inside him, and after yelling at everyone for a while, he stopped feeling anything for her. He stopped feeling at all, if we gonna be precise. Paxton is still nice to people and there are people who have never left his circle, but he does not enter the area of relationships anymore, he does not like and does not fall in love. 

He's done with that shit. 

But now she looks at him and the pair of tourists get up to him, and Paxton sees them out of the corner of his eye, and his heart beats hard. 

"Paxton?" He hears her say and his heart beats. 

Paxton picks up a towel to look busy, but it's too close for him to really ignore. 

"Devi?" Paxton asks and brings up a smile, fake as it can get. 

Ben reached out to them now, smiling too, and placing a hand on Devi's back. Paxton still feels he has to compete with him in everything, and that he is not going to lose to him this time.

"What are you doing here?" He asks and the couple looks at each other. 

"Devi is starting an internship at Harriet & Jones, we just moved here," Ben replies. Paxton tries not to examine Devi, but he notices that she is looking at him with big eyes all the time. 

"Mazel Tov! Where did you move to? ” 

"Two blocks from here," Ben says, pointing to his right. 

Devi raises her hand and changes the direction of Ben's finger. 

"From here," Ben says and they both smile. 

Paxton tried not to roll his eyes. 

"Nice, good area" Paxton says and does not know what else he is supposed to say in this situation. 

"We didn't know you were in New York," Ben said, and Paxton wondered why he kept talking as 'we'. "How long have you been here?" he goes on. 

"For almost two years, I moved here after college," he replies. 

Ben nods and Devi looks up from the floor, and this time Paxton looks at her. He tried so hard not to look at her, that until now he did not notice her long hair, which fell down in brown waves on her shoulder, he noticed that she no longer looked like a girl, her body developed and the green sweater she wore highlighted it. Paxton notices that in her eyes there is still mischief, a kind of magic that will probably never go away, but she looks older, no longer a 15-year-old girl in love with him, that's for sure. 

Paxton hears the bathroom door slam shut and then a hand pats his shoulder. He does not have to turn around to know it's Tommy. Paxton continues to check Devi's body, her eyes mesmerizing him and taking him back to the age of 17, back to the ride he shared, back to the kiss, back to the message he left her, back to seeing her the next day hugging Ben. 

"So I guess I'll introduce myself" Tommy says and Paxton looks away, letting out a chuckle, trying to forget everything. "I'm Tommy, this degenerate's best friend since the first fart in college," Tommy said. Ben and Devi smiled at him and Ben shook his hand. 

"Ben, and Devi," Ben said for both of them. Paxton's eyes jumped again to Devi, to see if it bothered her as much as it bothered him. 

Turns out it didn't. Devi doesn't even move, and Paxton wonders if this is the same Devi who can speak for herself. 

"Are you here to visit or ...?" Tommy asks and Devi shakes her head, speaking for the first time. 

"We moved here today" she said and Paxton could feel his ears taper. 

"Cool! How do you know our little Paxton here? ”Tommy says and rubs Paxton's long curls. 

"We studied together in high school," Ben replied. 

"2 large cappuccinos, one with soy and one with cinnamon on top" Julie said and the whole four looked at her now. 

"I'm on it," Tommy said before Paxton could say anything. "Nice to meet you, today we're sitting at Trent's, come over!" He added before going to make the coffee. 

Paxton sigh. He did not want to see them again.

"Trent here too?" Devi asked and Paxton grinned. 

"Yes, he rents an apartment with three roommates and barely survives, but he's here in the meantime," Paxton explains to her and Ben laughs. 

"Sounds like Trent," Ben says. 

Paxton thinks Ben does not know Trent enough to say such a thing, but he lets it go. 

"Cool, what's the address?" Ben adds after a few seconds and takes out his phone. 

"You don't have to if you do not want to, you just moved, the apartment is probably a mass and everything" Paxton tries to move them from the idea. 

"No, we prepared the apartment before we moved, we'll be happy to come," Ben insists. He does not seem to understand the hint. 

Paxton types the address into Ben's phone and returns the phone to him quickly. 

"Then we'll see you there" Devi says and smiles at Paxton, and now he's smiling too. 

"See you," he says in despair and they turn away from him, returning to their table. 

Paxton hits Tommy in the head with the towel in his hand when they are far enough away. 

"We're sitting at Trent's, come over!" Paxton imitates him and Tommy is so confused. 

"Aren't they your friends from high school?" Tommy asks and Paxton rolls his eyes. 

"They studied with me in high school, they are not my friends" he replies and his face hardens.

"Okay maybe they'll fit" Tommy tries and Paxton shakes his head. 

"It's Devi," Paxton says and Tommy is still confused. “Devi who studied with me in high school? I told you about her, I'm not going to repeat that again— ” 

“Ohh okay,” Tommy finally understands. "The one who ran away" Tommy nods to himself, as if he understood the biggest question of his life. 

Paxton sighed deeply. 

"Well and what, you'll cry like a little girl as soon as they arrive?" Tommy asked. Tough love, that's Tommy's thing. 

"No, it's just going to be very awkward I think" Paxton tells him and turns his face from him. 

"Tough" is all that Tommy says as he shrugs and pours the coffee into glasses. 

\------------------ 

When Paxton opens the door to the roommate's apartment, he tries to look at them as if he is new. He sees the round table in the living room, on which there are two ashtrays and an open tin box, inside there was rolling papers, grinders and marijuana bags, and he knew that Devi, an intern in a legal firm, would not approve. He looks at Trent, which the couple knows with long hair, and it's not that the hair is short now, but now he's always gathered in a half bun that is actually very flattering to Trent. Next to Trent, on the couch, sits Malia, a chubby girl with black hair and tattoos, that Paxton has never seen without a joint in hand. He knew everyone was getting along with Malia, he's never seen a girl so calm and chill before, you don't even have to learn to love her, she's talking for a moment and you feel like her best friend. In the kitchen were Dylan and Miguel, Dylan, a skinny, white guy with a piercing and marines cut blond hair, the only person Paxton has called Lil D in recent years, baking something that smells like amazing cookies, and Miguel, the most sensitive person Paxton has ever met, with straight, long hair and blue nail polish on his fingers, now dating Dylan in a sort of open-poly relationship. 

Paxton assumes that in law school, or in some bullshit study that Ben studied, there are no stoners and no one was in jail, like Dylan or Tommy, and he knew that for non-smokers, the smell would be strong. 

Maybe that means they won't stay for long. 

Paxton comes in and places his bag in one of the corners of the house, hands out 'hello' to everyone and takes a joint they handed him, smokes some and hands it to the people in the kitchen. 

"What are you preparing for us, Lil D?" Paxton asks and hands him the joint. 

"Tommy said there's some noobies coming, so my famous brownies" Dylan says and Paxton smiles, knows very well why the brownies are so famous. 

"With the spacial ingredient?" Paxton asks and Miguel laughs. 

"The only way I know" Dylan says and takes the pan out of the oven. 

Paxton laughs and as he reaches out to scrape a piece of the chocolaty heaven Dylan hits his hand. 

"Patience is the key," he says and Paxton sighs and leans back. 

"Where's Tommy, anyway?" 

"Went down to buy rolling papers" Miguel replies and the joint moves to him now.

At that very moment, the door opened loudly. 

"Look what I found," Tommy says and enters the house, accompanied by Devi and Ben who are holding a bottle of wine. 

As he expected, Ben's eyes run through the room from side to side. Paxton did not expect that Devi looked at the people, smiled, and her eyes stopped on him. 

"Oh Tommy, what did I tell you about bringing strays home?" Miguel says and smiles at the couple who enter. He quickly took off their jackets and brought a computer chair from his room. 

Dylan took the bottle of wine that Ben was holding and examined it. 

"What is it?" He asked, frowning. 

"wine?" Ben said, almost asked, not understanding how it could not be clearer. Dylan kept looking at the bottle while he went to the kitchen. He was so confused, who drinks wine at that age? 

Trent hugs the couple and tells them he did not know they were dating. Paxton fucking loves Trent, he knows him from the moment he is born, but damn he's so stupid. 

Devi sits down next to Malia, and Ben is still standing and talking to Trent. Paxton considers his options, and decides to give up. 

Nope, he is not getting into this shit anymore. 

Paxton sits down in the spacious armchair and examines the people. Malia leans forward to roll another joint, Tommy sits on the other side and hands her the rolling papers while he tells her about the latest developments in his chaotic love life, and she listens to him as if she is not in love with him from the moment she met his black curls, giving him tips and advice regarding the bunch of girls he's dating (fucking) right now. Miguel sat down in the double sofa, a few seconds later Dylan arrives, with hot brownies and places it on the round table, then sits in Miguel's arms. Trent and Ben finished their strange hug, and Trent sat down on the computer chair while Ben sat down next to Devi. 

"Brownies time?" Tommy asks and when Dylan nods to him, he picks up the first piece. 

Paxton takes a piece too and bites into it, but when Devi and Ben approach he stops chewing. 

"It's special brownies," he tells them with full mouth and Devi smiles at him and picks up a piece. Impressive.

After a few seconds of hesitation Ben picks up a piece too and Paxton raises his eyebrows. 

"Do you smoke?" Trent asked, handing them the joint Malia had rolled. 

Ben shook his head.

"I tried once, wasn't feeling it" Devi said and it seems that Malia took the words personally. There is nothing she loves more than introducing people to the wonders of marijuana. 

Miguel and Dylan leaned back, Miguel mumbled the lyrics to the rap song playing in the background and Dylan smiled to himself. 

Paxton leaned back as well and kept looking at his friends. He doesn't know what he would have done without them in New York, he only knows that it can be very lonely in New York. He looked at the couple he had not seen for so many years. 

"What's up with Fabiola and Eleanor?" He asked. 

Devi looked up from the brownie mold, surprised. 

"They're both still in California, Fabiola is an engineer at Cal-Tech now and Eleanor in acting school" Devi replied. Paxton didn't enjoy the fact that even though there was music, talk and noises from the street, he could only hear her voice. 

When Tommy lowers the music a little, Malia sends him a look but says nothing.

"Wait, you coyote girl!" Trent says suddenly and turns to Devi, and now everyone has turned to her. 

"Coyote Girl" Dylan says and the smile on his face was almost satisfied. "It's a story I need to hear," he says, watching Devi blush. 

Paxton smiled and remembered the history lesson in which the class cheered for the coyote girl and he wrapped his hand around it and cheered with them. 

“She was out of it! When Paxton picked her up we were sure she was already dead” Trent laughed out loud. 

Miguel and Malia laughed too, can't listen to Trent laughing and not smile. Now the whole bunch was looking at Devi, waiting for an explanation. 

After a few minutes of hesitation, she talks about the day befoure, when she met the animal she was sure was her father, she told them about the party and the attack, then about the hospital, when Paxton drove her and left her there.

Paxton frowned. He stayed with her until after she received treatment, he talked to her and took a picture with her for the first time, this picture to this day is on his grid, he has proofs.

She leaned back, looked at Paxton for a long moment and Ben wrapped her with a sure hand.

Paxton doesn't get into these things anymore, that's fine. It does not matter at all. It was a surprise to hear Devi talk about the case in such detail, with the story of her father and everything. To the best of Paxton's recollection, the times Devi talked about her father were few. He was glad to see she came to terms with this. 

The conversation continued from there to awkward moments in high school, from the time Trent vomited at the opening ceremony of the year, all over the principal, to the time Devi fell on her face at the graduation ceremony, a moment that Paxton did not have the privilege of seeing. From awkward moments they progressed to why everyone has majored in collage, and Devi wanted to know how they knew each other.

The group paused for a moment and then everyone started talking together.

"One, one please" Devi said and her laughter rolling in the air.

"Dylan, Malia and I have lived here for years, Dylan and Malia studied together in college and then met Pax at the station" Miguel started and it's clear he's used to the role of storyteller. "They were looking for partners through Craiglist, and between witches and psychopaths was cute little me," he continued.

"I didn't ruled out the psychopath part in you" Malia said, almost to herself, and Devi laughed.

"When Dylan and I started dating, a room became vacant, and Malia just knew Paxton at the station, and when they were sitting with Paxton, Trent was there and that's how he got the third room" Miguel continued with his story, and Paxton let out a grin. Miguel forgets to mention the fact Trent begged for two days, cleaning the house and preparing food (unsuccessful) to prove he won't be a horrible roommate. Needless to say, Trent has not cleaned a table since moving here.

"Then Tommy came and turned you all from an average bunch to an elite of people" Tommy said and spread his hands, like Jesus at the Last Supper.

"Then Tommy came and turned us from people with goals in life, to the drug headed, pointless people that we are now" Miguel told Devi and everyone laughed now because there is nothing funnier than the facts.

Paxton noticed that Devi was like a lamp, and his friends were moths. They were attracted to her, everyone turned to her in their seat, and told her stories, trying to amuse her, and she in turn laughed and talked, listened to them and made small, clever remarks. Paxton saw Malia talking to her for a few minutes, and were happy to see that Devi felt comfortable enough to rest her folded legs on her and to let give a slap on the shoulder when Malia laughed at Ben.

And if we talking about Ben, he could have been replaced with a flower pot and he still contributed to the conversation more. He checked the people around him, as if he did not know how he got into this situation, he refused all the joints that moved toward him and seemed to be suffering from the continues sitting, and got up every few minutes to the bathroom. Paxton kept wondering if he should move to sit next to Devi.

He wrestled with this question all evening, looking at her and couldn't believe she is there. He did not expect Devi Vishwakumar, coyote girl, his first love, is sitting on the blue couch, among his best friends. He had already erased her from his life. He didn't thought of her for so long, and there she is, accepting joints from Tommy and laughing at everything Trent said. Paxton can't stay aloof to her, he does not have the power for it, no more. He talks to her every moment he can, reminds her of moments from high school, tells her about college, tells her about trips he has made abroad, alone, or together with Tommy, tells her about his jobs. Even sitting across the round table, they hear each other as if they were close. He do not know that Devi developed so beautifully, with curves that drive him crazy and lips that have only become redder. She looked to him like her cousin, that beautiful girl that Paxton can't name, but Devi was special, with black-as-night hair and playful gleaming eyes.

"I'm out" Miguel says and Dylan gets up with him.

"Good night sweethearts" Malia says and they send her a kiss in the air.

"Nice to meet you, Devi" Dylan says and bends over to hug her for a long time.

"you too!" She says and Ben just walks out of the bathroom to hear Tommy Trent and Paxton wish them a good night.

"Good night," Ben adds, returning to sit next to Devi. "Maybe we'll go too?" He asks her quietly and Paxton's ears taper. He signals to Malia to roll another joint.

"Stay a little longer," Tommy says, looking mostly at Devi.

Paxton looks at her, waiting for an answer, and he sees that Trent and Malia are also looking at her.

"A little longer" Devi says to Ben and he nods at her, accepts it without hesitation and returns to staring at people. He closes his eyes every few minutes, that's how the brownies affected him.

Malia gets up to the kitchen, opens the fridge in search of something to calm her munch. While she looked desperate in the contents of the fridge, Paxton took the opportunity and moved to sit on the couch, close to Devi.

"You having a good time?" He asks her, looking at her eyes frantically.

Devi smiles and turns her head to him.

"So goos" she says and her eyes confirmed her words. He saw joy, happiness from her eyes, and he wondered if it had something to do with him or the fact that Ben's hand had not fallen from her for the whole night.

Tommy and Trent turned on the TV, playing a video game.

"When do you start your internship?" Paxton asks her.

"In two days"

"Harriet & Jones is a big deal" he says and was very aware of the fact that their hands were close, pressing against each other.

"Yes, I was hoping to do my internship here" Devi says and a smile rises to her lips.

"You'll love New York," Paxton says, his eyes passing over her face. Paxton soaked every drop of skin into it, engraving the face in his memory. She looks so different, but this is her, she's still the same Devi who looked like a wounded and frightened animal, attacking anyone who tries to get close, for all their high school time, but now she was neither injured nor scared. Devi seems to have managed to let people get closer to her, and take care of her, and help, and it seems like she's just strong now, without having to prove it.

"Are you still swimming?" Devi asks and it stops Paxton from thinking.

He is silent for a second and then shakes his head. He do not want to think about the accident, or the days before, when he breathed, saw and did swimming, every day, all day, no food, no rest, he wanted to win something, he needed a win and all he could see was first place, all he needed at that moment was to win one thing, because there were so many losses in his life, he had to win, and he practiced-

Not now.

"You loved it so much," she said, trying unsuccessfully to understand.

Devi had never seen Paxton smile so sadly.

"I liked a lot of things back then" he says quietly and cross his hands, and now they are no longer touching.

Malia came back with chocolate, and that gave Paxton a reason to do something but hear Devi breathing next to him slowly. He takes a piece from Malia that sits on the armchair he was sitting on earlier, cheering Tommy up against Trent.

"How's Rebecca?" Devi asks after a few moments of watching the game.

"She opened a shop with a friend from fashion school," Paxton told her and could not help but smile when he remembered his sister. "She'll be happy to hear I met you" he adds and they both smile again.

"Oh send her my huge love" Devi smiles at him, pleased that he smiles again.

"Will do" he tells her and his eyes focus on the TV screen.

After a few minutes of watching the game, a few minutes in which the tension between Devi and Paxton was so high that they could feel the hairs standing on their necks.

"I'm out," Malia says, and Paxton looks up at her.

"I'm off too," he says and stands up. He hugs Malia long, enjoying every moment in the warm embrace of his mother figure in New York, comforted by her caring hands, and she kisses his head. Naturally knows everything about him, without Paxton telling at all.

Devi also stands up, and in her movement wakes up Ben, who wakes up in a panic, trying to hide the saliva that has leaked from him.

"Good night," Devi says to Malia, and she, too, gets a hug, shorter, but very warm. Devi walks away from Malia with a smile.

After Paxton said goodbye to his friends, and Devi and Ben thanked for the great hospitality, the trio went out into the hallway.

"It was good," Ben said, pushing the elevator button.

“Yes, it was really fun! You have really cool friends” Devi sounded much more excited.

Paxton smiles.

"Yes, they are the best" he says and when the elevator comes in, he comes in and stands on the other side of Devi.

In the elevator, as usually happens, none of them said anything. Paxton slowly moved away from Devi, realizing that he was standing far too close, and that she smelled like chamomile and marijuana smoke and fabric softener. He knows he can think for days about this scent, and that's not what he wants to do.

Not again.

Devi is happy with Ben, and it doesn't matter at all, because he does not want her again. He's not, he's just shocked to see her again, he's happy to see her again, that's all.

They get out of the elevator and Ben checks the Lyft, while Paxton wonders where he parked.

"Do you need a ride?" He asked Devi more than Ben wanted, but the two shook their heads at the same time.

"It's okay, the Lyft is just around the corner" Ben said and Paxton shrugged.

"Good night," Paxton said, looking at her for a moment.

"Good night Paxton," she said, and her smile should not be so hot.

Paxton turned and went to his jeep, playing with the car keys.

He wanted to turn around and tell them to come more, just to see her again, but he does not do such things anymore, he is not getting into these things anymore.

It will cost him too much, and Paxtin does not mean money at all.

\----------------------------------

Tommy no longer bothers to knock on the door of the roommates apartment, he has a key to the place, and he sees no logical reason to knock on a door he has a key to. Anyway, he just forgot his wallet, he goes in and out.

So when he entered the apartment at three in the morning, about half an hour after he left it, he was startled to see Malia and Trent sitting there.

"What are you doing awake?" Tommy asks quickly, trying to calm down. "Why are you sitting in the dark?" He continues to ask in a louder voice, then he realizes how close the two are sitting, and that Trent's hand is up Malia's leg, almost holding her ass.

"What are you doing here now?" Malia asks and move away from Trent, who in response sighs deeply.

"I forgot my wallet," Tommy says, completely red.

"So you decided to take him in the middle of the night?!" Malia is also red, and it is not an easy task, to blush, when her skin is so naturally tanned.

"I did not think I would see..." Tommy searches for a word and his eyes run between his friends on the couch. "It" he finally says, shivering dramatically, and he feels nauseous, he's not sure why.

It's not that he did not know that Trent was into Malia, Trent made it clear to everyone that he would fuck Malia, if she was into it. Tommy just didn't know that Malia would be interested. He was sure Malia was a bit in love with him, and that complimented him for a long time, but she was always more like one of the boys, one of the bunch, he never considered the option of looking at her that way, Malia is a bro. Anyway, it was always clear that this was not a step any one of the guys would do. Malia is the mother of the gang, she cares and cooks and advises, and if any of them hurt her, the rest would kill him, so they just do not go into the area of hurting her.

Malia, looking annoyed from moment to moment, looked long at Tommy. Her blood was burning and apart from uncontrollable anger, she felt shame that fuel the anger. 'This'. As if the thought of someone touching Malia is so disgusting, he does not believe anyone could be interested in her in such a way, and the fact that it comes from Tommy, does not make it any easier.

She stands up and picks up Tommy's wallet from the table, then throws it at him, Tommy grabs it with a nimble hand.

"Bye" Mailia says and no muscle in her face moves.

As Tommy turns back to the exit, he catches out of the corner of his eye that Trent is trying to get close to Malia again, but she moves him off the way and goes to her room.

Tommy shakes his head, not knowing if it's the time, or if he did a little too much drugs today, or if it really happened. But he gets in the elevator and his nausea intensifies.

When the elevator hits the ground floor and shakes a little, as always, Tommy's nausea takes over, and he barely manages to get out of the elevator before vomiting on the building's entrance carpet.

He must stop doing so many types of drugs.

\----------------------------------

Inside a room lined with band and album posters, the only light coming in from a large glass wall overlooking busy New York, sat by themselves was Malia, Dylan and Paxton and shared a joint. The "ON AIR" light was on, and the trio watched the broadcaster.

"He's gonna forget" Paxton was sure, but Malia and Dylan shook their heads.

"He won't" Dylan said, handing the joint to Paxton.

"He forgot every time in the last week, he's going to forget," Paxton insisted, and the two shook their heads.

"He is not, we reminded him of it in every possible way, there is a note on the speaker for God's sake" spontaneously she also insisted

"5 bucks he forgets," Paxton says too late, because here's the time to find out, and the three of them listened expectantly.

"Thank you for listening, a news flash and then 'Lunch with Lydia', have a great day!" Devon, the broadcaster, said and got off the air.

Malia and Dylan knocked on the window, that separates the broadcast room from the outside, in a second.

"Music Editing, Paxton Hall Yoshida!" They both shouted and although from the moment Paxton started editing music, and not just being a technical man, the broadcaster did not once mention him as a music editor, they made him smile.

Devon left the room and looked at them, not understanding.

"You forgot," Malia said, and Dylan sighed aloud.

"Oh" Devon doesn't seem too bothered by this. "Next time" he shrugs and leaves the room.

"It's okay," Paxton says, taking a long breath from the joint. "I mean, it's not okay, but never mind" he corrected himself and his friends sat down next to him on the couch.

"Son of a bitch" Malia cursed and got the joint transferred to her.

"Yup," Dylan and Paxton murmured, staring into the empty broadcast room.

"I think Miguel's plug tricked him with the weed for the brownies yesterday," Dylan said after a few moments and received a hum of agreement.

"Absolutely," Paxton said and laughed.

"No doubt" Malia murmured and laughed too, smoke coming out of her mouth.

"Man, he must stop buying from the Hispanics, they have lost all respect for him" Dylan sighed and leaned back.

"Even though this guy, Ben, was very tired for some reason" Malia added and the three of them laughed for another moment.

"He must have gotten second-hand stoned," Dylan said.

"That Devi girl is great" Malia said and examined Paxton.

"Yeah, loved her" Dylan agreed and a smile rose to Paxton's lips.

"Yes, she's something," Paxton murmured.

The door opened, and Malia finished the joint just in time, because the station manager came in.

"Can someone explain to me why there are 2 music editors and a technical man who do nothing while the seven o'clock guest cancels us?" Richard, a nice man most of the time, but the devil himself in stressful situations, shouted into the hallway and the trio got up.

"We up, we on it" Paxton and Dylan mumble as they get up.

Malia sighed deeply.

"Dick," she said to herself and the three of them went back to work.

\---------------------------

Paxton almost finishes his shift at the cafe, and his thoughts wander far and wide.

Ever since he saw Devi in the cafe, two days ago, his eyes have jumped with each new customer who comes in, checking who it is this time.

Tommy is hitting on a girl, and it looks like he's going to get the number, because he's writing something on his pad, and then hand her mouney.

When he returns to the counter, Paxton picks up chairs.

“Paying for sex now, T-bone?” Paxton try not to laugh

"The sweet babe over there?" Tommy starts and his head signals to Paxton the girl. "Selling tickets to a fucking Rave tomorrow, and we're going," Tommy said and Paxton frowned.

“Rave? What are we in the 90s? ” Paxton looks mad, and Tommy gets serious.

"There's a rave tomorrow, in the hangar, and we're gonna get shroom, and AciDog will be DJing, and we're fucking going," he said, with every statement he knocks his finger on the counter.

"You almost bought me, but AciDog has not made good music since the only one hit he had" Paxton kept insisting, cause if he wants to bang his head he will go to the woods with the gang and they will eat some magic shrooms, he don't need to go crazy because of the lasers that will be in the rave.

"I bought tickets for everyone already, you owe me sixty dollars" Tommy said and Paxton sighed.

"Dick"

The two finish closing the cafe, and are already on their way to Paxton's car when they see Devi and Ben in the distance.

"Oh shit" Paxton mumbles and it makes Tommy smile.

"Ready?" Tommy whispers a second before they're close enough to hear.

Paxton and Tommy hug the couple for a brief moment and then stand in front of them. Paxton puts his hand in his pockets and feels 17 years old once again.

"How are you" Tommy asks Ben and he smiles at him in response.

"Better, marijuana is not my thing" Ben tries to explain.

"I had a lot of fun that day" Devi told Tommy, looking at Paxton for a moment.

"Yes," Tommy says and there was silence between them. "We're just on our way to the bar, do you want to come?" Tommy finally asks, only to stop the awkward silence and Paxton sighs, not knowing why he is his friend sometimes.

Maybe it's because of those moments.

"I have to take a shower, but will we see you there?" Devi asks and Tommy gives her the address.

"It's OK?" Devi then asks, looking at Paxton. Ben narrows his eyebrows, not realizing what could be wrong if they were just got invited.

Paxton nods and smiles.

"Sure" he tells her and they share another look before Tommy and Paxton get in the car and drive away.

"One day I'll kill you," Paxton says while driving.

Tommy smiles quietly.

"One day they'll find your body, Thomas Fucking Walker, hanging from the blue woman's fucking torch, and they'll look for who did it for a long time, until they give up, and then I'll say it's me, I saved humanity," Paxton continues, letting all the anger out, maybe waiting for some explanation as to why the hell he invites Devi everywhere, after he made it clear to him that it did not end well between them. Not for him.

"First of all, Dark, bro." Tommy starts and breathes for a moment. "Dark," he emphasizes, his smile not erased from his face. "and I thing the lady is green”. 

Paxton hit Tommy's chest. 

“You can kill me if you tell me you didn't jump every time a customer came in today because you thought it was her" Tommy finally tells him and Paxton shuts up. "So instead of hanging me on the 'blue' Lady, who by the way, also called the fucking Statue of Liberty, maybe you should start kissing my feet, because I'm the only one working to get you a closer, you piece of shit" Tommy continues.

"I can not get the closer I want to get" he says and then shakes his head. "I do not need any closer" Paxton says and he feels like he's lying, but that's really what he's believe in.

Tommy turn up the music just in time.

"Do the bad thing" Tommy sang with the singer.

Paxton wrinkles his face.

"But it will not make it much easier, it might make it worse" Paxton says the words that followed.

"Why you always picking on the small details?" Tommy says and lowers the music.

"Know the song before you make points with it," Paxton says, raising his eyebrows arrogantly.

"It's like talking to Malia sometimes" Tommy says and Paxton looks at him for a moment.

"Speaking of which," Paxton begins, examining the reaction of the black-haired man. "You have to calm down with the burns on what's going on between her and Trent," he continues.

Tommy raises an eyebrow and he legit does not understand what Paxton is talking about. True, he laughed several times at the fact that Trent has mommy issues, or that Malia only goes out with fools so she know what it's like to be the smartest person in the room, or that they are so incompatible with each other, that it's like a lioness going out with a lamb, But it was just a joke. He knows that Malia knows how to laugh, he knows that she knows how to understand jokes, she wasn't hurt from that, and Trent is not a question at all.

"What are you talking about? She know I'm just kidding," Tommy says.

Paxton looks at him for a long time thanks to the red light, and does not understand how Tommy can be so blind to his surroundings.

"Forget the fact that you told everyone before they said anything," Paxton begins.

"It's not serious! They don't really go out, they just have a little fun after everyone goes to bed.” Tommy tries to defend himself.

"Which makes it worse, but okay, you don't stop burning Trent, who's my oldest friend here," Paxton continues, and he doesn't want to hear Tommy's reaction, but it's too late.

"But not your best, or even your second best here" Tommy says quickly.

Paxton turns left at the next lights and looks for a parking space, his eyes searching for a place.

"And you keep laughing at Malia, or Malia's choice, so, I mean, just stop" Paxton concludes and he hopes with all his heart that Tommy will stop.

He also hopes with all his heart that Tommy will understand why it bothers him so much one day. Maybe when Malia is not by his side all the time, he will realize how much he misses her.

But that's not Paxton's issue.

So when he finds a parking space he gives a hit to Tommy, who has remained quiet until then.

"God is on our side," Paxton says and enters the parking lot he found.

"I'm always on your side, son," Tommy says, laughing out loud a moment later.

The two get out of the car, and take out jackets from the back seat, jackets that Paxton keeps just for the moments they get out of work straight to the open bar, in the cold New York air.

"Why do you always get the black jacket, I'm tired of this denim one" Tommy complains and puts on the jacket.

"You gonna cry about it?" Paxton says and they enter the bar, looking for their friends.

They find Dylan and Miguel sitting with a beer at one of the outside tables, and Malia just sat down next to Dylan as they sit down as well.

"One word, four letters, guess" Tommy begins as soon as he sits up and raises his hands to stop the disappointed voices everyone has made.

"again?" Dylan sighed and leaned back.

"This guy" Malia sighs too. They are tired of Tommy's guessing games because they know that's how he tells them bad news.

"I can't even" Trent says and throws at Tommy a cardboard coaster.

"Don't give up, little T, you can do it" Tommy smiles, so pleased with himself.

“Rave” Paxton says. "It's a rave, he bought tickets to a rave," he finally says, nodding as all his friends make disappointing noises.

"Thank you for ruining the surprise, really, thank you" Tommy turns to Paxton now, dramatic.

"We're not going to a rave, Tommy" Dylan sounded decisive and automatically nodded at him.

"I've already bought tickets, and I have a plug for amazing magic mushrooms" Tommy leans forward now, talking to his friends. "The last time I took them I imagined I was a fruit fly, on a fucking goose, that flew me to a field in Netherlands, and there I became a flower" he described to them, and with each word he could see them more and more tempted.

Malia, Miguel, Trent and Dylan were silent now and in their minds, they imagined what it felt like to be a fly on a goose.

"So we going to the rave" Dylan said, this time too he sounded decisive, and the whole group was nodding now.

"You need to stop doing this," Malia says and rolls a joint.

"I'm not doing anything!" Tommy smiles wickedly and sips his beer.

"Buying tickets to bad raves that Tommy wants to go to because a pretty girl smiled at him, and then bribing us with drugs is nothing?" Malia is saying and everyone shakes their heads. Except for Tommy.

"And stop inviting Devi and Ben everywhere," Paxton says as his eyes catch Devi at the entrance, talking to the bouncer.

Tommy smiles and then talks to the waitress who approached them, ordering a beer for the entire table.

"We have to rain check on that one” he says quickly, just before Ben and Devi are close enough to hear. "One word, four letters-" he starts when they can hear him, but the group throws peanuts and coasters at him, so he stops. "Rave, tomorrow, you coming?" Tommy finally asks, expecting an answer from the couple who sat down and wasn't ready for a question at all.

"so?" Tommy asks and the whole bunch shakes there head in disappointment.

"Hmm, yeah, Rave ... I've not been to one since college ..." Devi said, looking at Ben, looking for an answer.

"Sure, Rave, we'll come ... Where do you buy tickets?" Ben asks and looks at Tommy for an answer.

"I'll take care of the tickets for you" Tommy says and smiles triumphantly, a bunch of older womans pass by, and Tommy's eyes are almost out of their holes now.

"Damn," he says as they passes, walking slowly, big ass moving from side to side.

"We're all just holes for you, eh?" Malia asks and Tommy nods aggressively.

"As long as there is at least one boob and an ass, I'm there," he says, proud of himself, and Malia rolls her eyes.

Devi's leg constantly touches, unconsciously, the side of Paxton's stretched leg, and he is very aware of it.

Paxton folds his leg, and he knows it won't be comfortable for much longer.

When the beer jugs arrive, the conversation begins to flow.

Miguel, as always, talked about the new penguin that came to the aquarium, and the fact that he could be gay, because he already courting an old male penguin. Dylan talked about the station with Paxton, told him about the shit Devin did after Paxton left, Tommy talked to Trent about a new game coming out, excited they used his drawing as one of the clues, and Malia smoked, listening to music and looking at her friends.

Devi and Ben looked lost, skipping between conversations, listening to half-sentences. The two refused any joint transferred to them, but drank at least one pitcher of beer alone. They didn't talk to each other, and Paxton noticed it. He notices how Ben's hands are clasped across his chest, as if he disagrees with anything that is happening here, and Devi leaning forward, trying to find a conversation to be a part of.

"So how's the internship?" Malia watched Devi for a few minutes, she knows what it's like to feel like an outsider.

"Great, the lawyer I'm helping is the real shit" Devi said with a big smile, and began to tell Malia about the trial she watched today, about how David Burnett, 'the real shit' lawyer, shattered the defense's claim and how the jury was impressed by him, and with every word that she said more people started listening to her.

At first only Malia listened, then Paxton stopped his conversation when he heard her voice. Dylan and Miguel started listening too, and Trent and Tommy joined in too, their conversation dying in the middle of a word. Devi's voice was steady, even with the music playing in the background, even with almost a quart of beer in her.

The conversation focused on Devi now, Malia and Miguel asking questions non-stop, and the rest responded to things or just listened. Paxton asked nothing, he just enjoyed seeing Devi dominate the room as always, he enjoyed watching her talk with that spark in her eyes, passionately, detailed, clear. Paxton could see her in court, make the summary claim and win every trial, because it is so built on her to be a lawyer, with the urge to explain and know and speak. She is stubborn and stands on her own, always has been, and Paxton finds himself drawn to it insanely, and he releases his leg to touch her leg, and Devi pauses for a moment and then continues with the same fervor.

It itches Paxton with his fingertips, making her distracted, focusing on him again. He move his hand on her thigh, which is only a few inches away from him, but the table don't cover her whole legs, and he knows that Ben will see everything if he go to high up her thigh.

The alcohol reached Paxton's head just a few minutes ago, and the joints that continue to move to him cause his judgment to shake enough for him to move the back of his foot over the back of Devi's leg and he gets a shy smile from her for a second. Yes, yes, that's good, he likes that smile. Paxton smiles too, and it's not a shy smile, it's a smile that knows he's doing a bad thing, and enjoys it.

The conversation progresses to the time Tommy was stopped with a bag of marijuana, or the time Dylan and Miguel were arrested for sex in a public place, and they may have been talking about both, but Paxton is not exactly listening. He leans forward to the table and his hand crawls on Devi's knee, going up and down with a gentle ghost touch, sometimes he grabs her chair for a moment and presses her a little closer, and sometimes he almost reaches her thigh, but he is careful, or stopped by her hands, every time he got up too close. Paxton wasn't sure if it was because Devi was a tease, or because the table didn't cover her thighs.

"Hi Babe" Ben says and Paxton move his hand off her.

Devi looked at him and smiled, aware of how red she was.

"I think I'm moving, I'm getting up early tomorrow for an interview" Ben continues and Devi nods.

Tommy leaned back and pulled Paxton with him.

"Is he the dumbest person in the world?" Tommy asks quietly and Paxton grins and shrugs. "You seconds from fingering her in the middle of the bar and he's going?" Tommy goes on, not believing how blind Ben can be.

Paxton shrugs again and Tommy straightens up again, continuing to listen to Dylan. Paxton could not believe that Ben was just gonna walk off, leaving Devi here, like prey to a very hungry wolf.

As Ben stands up and says goodbye to everyone, leaving money on the table, Malia kicks Paxton, who jumps from the hit.

Malia raises her eyebrows and Paxton tries to look as innocent as possible. She is not convinced and shakes her head, and Paxton knows, it is neither nice, nor right, to try to seduce someone with a boyfriend. But fuck it, he deserves it. Right?

Malia knows exactly what's going through his head, and shakes her head once more. Now Tommy approaches him and places a hand on his shoulder.

"You're doing this" Tommy whispers to him, and Malia raises her eyebrows once more, Tommy keep talking to his ear, convincing him he deserve it, and Paxton feels as if the devil himself is whispering in his ear while an angel shows him the straight path.

"Something you want to share?" Trent asks and Paxton looks at them. The whole group seems to be looking at the exchange, and while not knowing what Tommy is whispering in his ear, they have seen the raised eyebrows and Malia's disapproving look.

Paxton walks away from Tommy and looks away from Malia, pouring himself another beer.

"Nothing interesting," Paxton says, leaning forward.

Devi let out a short, weird laugh, trying to hide that Paxton's hand was back on her thigh and her laughter made everyone laugh for a few moments and get back to talking.

Malia looked disappointed and Tommy patted his leg under the table, smiling a victory smile at Malia, who is ignoring him, and starting to roll another joint.

And maybe it's Malia's disappointed look, and maybe it's the fact that he had a second to think about it, but Paxton raises his hand from Devi and brings it to the table.

Devi's eyes jumped for a moment to Paxton and back to the table. She wanted to thank him for a moment, but also wanted him to put his hand back in place, to touch her once more. Devi did not remember when was the last time touches over her jeans made her so fueled, and she was no longer a child, but she finds herself fantasizing about Paxton's hand while everyone is talking. She looks at the people around her, and smiles.

Devi finds herself interested in them more and more, they are so different from each other, and yet the friendships between them are clear. It's pretty clear that Miguel and Trent are each other's best friends, because they almost always laugh together, almost always joking about what the other one said, and their stories are almost always told together. But they are different, because Trent has always been a sort of ... second tier athlete, sitting on the bench but getting the respect of an athlete, and Miguel is an almost feminine guy, with long hair and clothes that is always on the verge of cross-dressing, while his boyfriend, Dylen, was such a man, with his marines hair and tight muscles. And of course, Tommy and Paxton. Paxton has always worked hard, on his status as an athlete, in school (he had to work super hard for this one), and here he works hard to live in New York, to get into music, he works two jobs and lives in a small loft, and on the other hand there is the Tommy, the drug lover, the entertainment enthusiast, impulsive and living in a sort of world of his own, and yet, they recognize each other's little nuances, she was sure Tommy knew about Paxton's walking hand, and she knew what they were arguing with Malia. Malia herself, Devi understood her part in the gang, needed there in every way possible, and she knew why the boys loved her. Malia made her feel comfortable, she made Devi not feel transparent the first time she saw them all, which could be a little overwhelming, but Malia laughed with her, at herself and at Devi from the first moment. Malia seems to be closer to Paxton than the rest, he almost always knows what she's about to say, and she almost always agrees with Paxton's side in the argument.

Unless he argues against Tommy, which rarely happens, but Devi got to watch one argument, and was surprised when Malia sided with Tommy. The sixth sense, or the feminine sense, or the spidey sense, whatever it was, of Devi acted, and she set a goal before her eyes.

Devi has learned in recent years that she's not always helping when she thinks she is helping, and that sometimes things have to happen by themselves, rather than intervene, but she begins to like the people around this table, and she is happy to see them accept her. She don't want to be alone in NY for the next two years.

Well, Ben there.

The thought of Ben causes Devi to blush once again.

Before they arrived and after they met Paxton and Tommy, they argued. Ben could not understand why she asked Paxton if it was okay for them to come, if Tommy had just invited them. Devi does not want to think about high school, a time when Ben envied every moment Paxton was in the area, or Devi exchanged a word with him. She told herself it wasn't it, and Ben also said it wasn't it, he just said it's not polite to ask Paxton for approval, if they were invited by someone else, as if Tommy had no word on the decision. Ben was fine until then, he said they look like good people but that they are not exactly his thing. 

Devi knew what that meant.

"To all of Miguel's arrests that came because racism!" Dylan said aloud and everyone tapped their glasses together. Devi joined, a big smile on her face.

"And to the illegal raves that Tommy drags us into!" Paxton said and everyone tapped their glasses again.

"And to coyote girl!" Trent said and once again everyone laughed and gling their glasses.

Devi looked around and her smile never left her face.

This seemed to be a sign of the end of the evening, as Malia had collected her rolling products and Miguel had asked for the bill. After everyone threw a bill of money out of their wallets, they stood up and started leaving the bar.

"C.O.D?" Tommy asked Trent, and he nodded at him in reply. He is up to a good game.

"You coming?" Malia, her hands digging into her pockets, trying to stay warm.

"No, I have to wake up early tomorrow," Devi replied.

"Rookie" Dylan said and smiled at her, and Devi knows that in this gang, when they get down on you, they like you.

"I'll drive you," Paxton said and Devi paused.

"You drank a lot," she told him quietly. She's willing to do a lot of things, she's not willing to get in a car with a drunk driver. Her mother will kill her.

"Oh, shit right Malia is designated driver," Paxton said, looking at Malia, who usually does it by choice, because alcohol has never been her drug.

Devi is not sure if stoned driver is better than a drunk driver, but they all seems so sure that if Malia didn't drink, she can drive. 

"I'll join you" Tommy said suddenly, his eyes looking conspicuous. Paxton is too drunk to know what Tommy is up to, and he's so hopeful it's not going to be mean.

"I'll come too" Trent said after a few moments, and Malia and Tommy turned to him together.

" **No**!" They shouted loudly, and Paxton is so confused.

Devi, Paxton, Tommy and Malia went to the car now, and just before they arrived, Tommy quickly overtook Paxton and got into the front seat.

Understanding lands on Paxton, and a small smile rises on him.

Malia enters the driver's seat, and Paxton and Devi sit in the back seat. Paxton leans back, his head close to Devi now. Malia starts the car and starts driving, Tommy turned up the music until it hurt his ears, and now Paxton knows that if he wants to talk, he'll have to say it in Devi's ear.

"Sorry, I have no idea what they think" Paxton told her, not too close to her ear, and she smiled.

"It's okay, good to see them do things together" she replied to his ear, and Devi didn't know it was possible to be turned on from ears being so clean, but hey, look at her.

Paxton narrows his eyebrows, making her explain.

"I mean, they understand what they want to do without even talking" Devi tries to explain and Paxton raises his eyebrows for a moment, in surprise, but then smiles.

Devi sees things that Paxton himself did not notice, regarding his best friends.

"I had a really fun time today" Paxton said to her ear after a few moments.

Devi nodded to him and turned her head to him. Even in the night light, his eyes are brown and big, and she drowns for a moment in the deep honey ponds.

Paxton's eyes explore her gaze, and slowly, gets closer.

He wants to ask her if it's okay, but he doesn't dare to speak, he does not dare to break the magic. Paxton watches Devi close her eyes as his lips almost touch her, and he takes it as approval, then he presses his lips to hers.

Devi moves her lips after a moment, and tastes the beer in Paxton's lips, she can feel him smiling between her lips, then his tongue there, trying to get in, and she gives it to him.

Paxton kisses her for a long moment, explores her mouth, and tastes the peanut and beer leftovers in her mouth. His hand climbed and wrapped around her waist, and for a few seconds, they didn't hear the music, Tommy singing, they were not in Paxton's jeep at all, they were alone, in their own place.

But then Devi moved away and gasps.

She shakes her head and tries to take over the guilt that flooded her, without success. She can't believe she did it, Devi didn't believe that Paxton kissed her, six years after he first did it. Moments with Ben came to her mind, their first kiss, the first time they slept, their first time abroad, conversations about the future. The guilt did not leave her for a moment, and she walked away from Paxton, clinging to the door.

Paxton watches her being eaten by guilt, and he didn't feel guilty for a moment. He wants to tell her that this is what supposed to happen, they, they're supposed to be together, but those words scare Paxton himself. He didn't want a relationship, he can't afford a relationship. He can't afford to get hurt again, and Paxton wonders if it's too late to get hurt again. He feels the fire in his throat, and his heart is pounding. He couldn't let that affect him, Paxton knows he has gone too far.

"That's you" the back seat hears Malia say, and they are disconnected from their thoughts. The car stopped and the music was lowered, and now the two in the front are looking at them.

"Thank you," Devi said quietly, trying unsuccessfully to smile.

"See you tomorrow?" Malia she asked and her eyes tried to strengthen Devi.

“Yes, of course. I'll talk to you” Devi managed to smile now, and got out of the car.

As the door closed behind her she continued to drive and Tommy looked at Paxton.

"Dude," he says, and sounds happy.

Paxton is angry.

“What are you so happy about? She's dating someone and because of the stupid encouragement of the two of you - "

"I did not encourage" Malia said quickly, hoping that Paxton would continue to yell only at Tommy.

"Oh, But you did, Mali, don't start with me" Paxton said angrily to her, but now he's yelling mostly at Tommy. "Finger her in the middle of the fucking bar, Paxton, when her boyfriend is there, Paxton and when she has a boyfriend at all!" Paxton continued to be angry. "Fuck you, you're a terrible friend."

Tommy was silent for a moment, but did not turn back onto the road, keep looking at Paxton for a long time.

“Dude, in your first year of college you said she was the one who got away. And since you have not had a normal relationship, you fuck everything that moves to give back to the world for not getting what you wanted,” Tommy started, in the most steady voice he had ever spoken in. He does not sound stoned or drunk, he sounds sure.

"That's not what's happening" Paxton said and in the rearview mirror, he saw Malia looking at him for a moment, catching him on a lie.

"So if someone gonna get hurt a little, or is heartbroken, I'd rather it happen to the person I said about three sentences to, than to my best friend" Tommy finished and turned back to the road.

There was silence in the car, and Tommy did not raise the music back, so they just drove in their own thoughts. Paxton looked at his friends and he wanted to get mad at them, really, but he could not. He knows that Tommy will do anything to make him happy, and that Malia will take a bullet for him. He can't blame them, but he must be angry at someone.

"Get me down to my apartment, Malia pick me up tomorrow" Paxton said.

Malia and Tommy exchanged glances for a second.

"No problem" Malia said and after a few moments, stopped the car.

"Good night," Paxton sounds tired as he opens the door.

"Good night" she said, and Tommy only said "night" shortly before Paxton left.

Malia is driving again, and now the silence is bad, so she raises the music.

"You don't think I took it too far, do you?" Tommy asks.

“Hmm” she’s trying to think of a way to say that. "She really do has a boyfriend" Malia tries to dodge.

"But Paxton has been in love with her for years, and he hasn't forgive the female race for it happening to him, which is why he puts his cock in every hole he sees!" Tommy tries to explain himself once again.

"Yeah, well, you're kinda doing what he's doing too," Malia said and her eyes focused on the road and the next turn she make.

"No I do not!" Tommy says and he knows he's not fooling anyone.

Malia was silent, and tried to listen to music, it's even a song she really likes.

"I do not! Malia, I do not, it's not because of one who ran away, I do it because all woman are bad like my junkie mother” Tommy tries to explain again, and it puts a sad smile on Malia's face.

"ok, but it's exactly the same. You fuck everything that moves, and disappear, with no answers” she says and now she is looking for parking under the building.

"At least Paxton has a way out of it, which is why I'm trying to work in that direction."

"You can't decide for other people how they feel, and what will solve their problems," Malia says, starting to park the jeep.

"At least he has a way to solve the problems, I have no way to get out of this circle" Tommy says with a smile on his face, "all the flirting and then the sex and the leaving them, and then doing it over and over and over and over" he says, and with every word he seems to enjoy more.

"Oh, poor baby" Malia sounded pissed and parked the car. She took the key out of the ignition and came out of the car, but Tommy put a hand on it and it stopped her.

"Hey, Mali, I wanted to apologize for the jokes on you and Trent," he said, and those moments, when his eyes are blue and honest, are the moments that buy Malia.

She smiles and pat his hand for a second. She needed it, because Tommy's words hit harder than anyone's.

"Pussy" Malia says and they both grin for a moment, and get out of the car.


	2. Frequency Change

Devi knocked on the door of the roommate's apartment and waited.

When Dylan opens the door, he hugs her for a moment and walks away, clearing the way for her.

Trent and Miguel sit in the living room and play a video game, and Devi wonders if these two ever work between games.

"Sup" Trent tells her and can't look away from the screen.

"Great, Malia here?" She asks and Miguel looks at her for a moment, to check whose voice he hears, and when he recognizes her he returns to the TV.

"In her room," Miguel tells her, aiming his head at the corridor.

"Thanks," Devi says. She headed down the hall, and she knew where the bathroom was, but the other three doors were still a mystery. She looked at them, and on the doors was a small chalkboard with the names of the roommates in other types of writing, with paintings and ornaments.

She knocked on Malia's door.

"It's so cool," Devi said as Malia opened the door, wearing a flower and leaf patterned dress. "Oh that's so cool too" Devi added, pointing to Malia's dress.

"Thank you" automatically let Devi in and closed the door again. "Tommy made the chalk things, and the dress, I'm not sure about it," she said, examining the dress in the mirror.

"Why" Devi asked and sat down on Malia's bed. The room was small, with a closet that took up an entire wall, though not so large, and a cozy bed. The room was barely tidy, there were no clothes on the floor, and the blanket was spread out on the bed, but there were clothes in two small baskets in different parts of the room, and there seemed to be a mess under the spread blanket.

Malia took a light blue dress out of the closet and showed it to Devi.

"That one" she picked up the other dress, "there are pockets and a low neckline, with no legs on the horizon" Malia says and Devi nods. "That one" she pointed to the dress she wear, "there is a so-low neckline, with lots of legs" Malia said and looked at Devi for guidance.

Devi examined the dress she had taken out

"Oh pockets, that what it's all about," she says, stroking the striped dress.

"Right?" Malia sighs and she knows she's going with the other dress.

Devi nodded and Malia took off the dress she was wearing and put on the other one, moving on to debating about shoes.

"Have you been in a rave before?" Malia asked and picked up a pair of white sneakers that Devi shake her head.

"Yeah, but I really don't think it was a good example for raves"

"This is going to be a good one" Malia picked up another pair of sneakers, also white.

"No, and how are you so sure?" Devi raised an eyebrow and examined the girl who was looking at her for a moment and went back to check on the shoes.

"I was in this producer's rave once" Malia replied and didn't look at Devi as she picked up blue boat shoes that Devi had also rolled out.

"I know a rave is not the place for heels, but don't you have a cute sandal to match the dress?" Devi asked and leaned forward, examining Malia's shoe rack.

Devi picked up off-white sandals and Malia put them on.

"So the fact that the rave will be good has nothing to do with the fact that Tommy suggested it?" Devi asked, and suddenly was afraid it was too early in their friendships to ask such questions. She met Malia about two days ago, she certainly don't get to ask her the hard questions.

Malia looked at her, and the thought passed through her too, that maybe it was too early, she had known the girl for exactly three days, and she had no right to ask her that. But then Malia thinks that Devi is the second girl in the world that Malia gets along with, really get along, and not just okay with, first one was is her sister, but her sister is not here to ask these questions, so maybe Malia needs someone to ask the hard questions around her.

"It's so obvious?" Malia asks and Devi shakes her head quickly.

"I'm very good at identifying potential couples," Devi said as Malia sat down next to her on the bed. "What's the deal with him, anyway?" She asks. 

Tommy looks like a fuck boy, he gets down on people and laughs at them and in general, is pretty mean. Not that Devi has a problem with him, he's been nice to her so far, but she can't understand the fact that Paxton and Malia are so close to him.

Malia sighed and lay back, her legs still on the floor and her head almost touching the pillow.

"He's a good person, he is loving and cares and funny as fuck" Malia said and Devi turned to her now, "He's an acquired taste, I know, but he really loves his friends, and he really cares about us, maybe more than anyone else."

"It does not look like that" Devi said and also lay down next to Malia, her feet on the floor, staring at the ceiling.

"Once Miguel was gone for two days, and Dylan and he were on a break, and Tommy drove all the way to Mexico because that's where Find my phone says he was at the last time it was turned on" Malia said, smiling at the ceiling.

"Where was he?"

"In Mexico, he had a bad trip and thought he was kidnapped to America, tried to coma back home and got stopped at the boarders" Malia grinned, and so did Devi.

"So what's stopping you with him?" Devi asked.

Malia laughed for a brief second.

"He's not interested, he never looked at me like more than a sister" she said and it felt scary, to be exposed like that in front of a person she didn't know last week.

Devi wanted to tell her that he was interested, and that he didn't know it yet, but she did not want Malia to have expectations that Devi was unsure of. Tommy is a mystery, because on the one hand, he's a dick head, on the other hand, his friends talk about him like they talk about a puppy destroying shoes.

"It doesn't matter, I'm working on forgetting this whole shit and everything will be better" Malia says, as always, solving her own problems, not letting anyone help her with what she can do on her own.

Devi turned her head towards her, and when she saw her smiling, Devi decided not to say anything in the meantime.

"Ben is coming?" Malia asked.

"He'll meet us there," Devi replies, her head starting to hurt. 

Malia did not know how to ask that. She can not be too blunt 'You told him you kissed Paxton' It's too blunt, also 'It seems like you had a fight before you got to the bar' was out of bounds, Malia did not know how to ask -

"I think Ben's jealous of Paxton" Devi interrupted Malia's thoughts. 

"Yes, well" Malia looked at her and frowned for a moment. "What's the deal with Paxton anyway?" Malia used Devi's words and they both smiled a small, knowing smile.

"I had the biggest crash on him in the middle-"

"I know the beginning, what's going on now, why it still looks like you have the biggest crush on him" Malia stopped her and Devi sighed. 

"Seeing him after six years, and believe me, he looked just like that in high school, think what that's like" Devi stopped, and Malia nodded in agreement. 

"Yeah, sure, Pax's hot" Malia said quickly and motioned for Devi to move on. 

"So hot, and we never closed whatever it was properly, I started dating Ben and since then just ... we did not talk, and now to see him, just when I have second thoughts about Ben, it's...." Devi says and stops without the ability to complete the sentence. 

"Second thoughts about Ben?"

"Before I got my internship in New York, he started talking about marriage, and since then I can't stop imagining myself raising his kids and cooking for him every night," Devi tries to explain without success. 

"Isn't that a good thing?" 

"I'm not happy, I'm not happy when I think of these moments, and I'm not happy when I imagine I have to grow old next to Ben. He's, like, a bit..." Devi searches for a word and her hand rises, trying to help the search. 

"Boring?" Malia tries to complete it.

"You can't say this!" Devi says, but her hand goes back to bed. "But yes, boring," she finally says.

The two sigh. 

"Do you love Ben?" Malia asks.

"I think so. I told him that a lot of times” Devi answered her and she knew she never understood the magnitude of the word love. "It just feels like a habit, and less like love."

"Sorry to hear that" Malia said and put a hand on Devi's hand. 

"I just need to give it a little more, it's going to get better someday," Devi says and Malia narrows her eyes. 

"No it's not, if it's not it then it's not it" Malia states and Devi shakes her head. 

"No, it's coming, I love and know him, and Paxton is just a thrill, he's not relationship's guy, he never was," Devi said to herself now, knowing damn-well that she loved him. past tense.

Malia is almost uncomfortable saying something, and she's not sure she needs to say anything, because a Pax **will** kill her. 

"He used to be" Malia said and straightened up in her bed, sitting now. 

A knock on the door makes them both jump, and a moment later the door opens and Trent stands at the entrance. 

“Ready? Pax here, moving in ten minutes,” he says and turns around, leaving the door open.

"Shit" Malia said and sat down in front of the mirror, arranging her makeup, in the most natural way she could, without too many products. She's never been a makeup girl, she's just painting her eyebrows a bit, color her lashes black and applying blush.

Devi fix herself in front of the mirror, and Malia scatters her own hair and bounces her wavy hair with some cream. 

"Malia!" There was a shout from the living room, and they both knew it was Paxton.

The girls laugh and leave the room, Malia collects eye drops (for if they get pulled over), a package of clonex (for if someone will have a bad trip), lipstick (for if she get lucky) and her smoking bag (always with her) on the way. 

"You never pulled this things on us" Dylan says and Miguel laughs. 

"Devi has a bad effect on Mali," Paxton says. 

Devi sends her eyes to Paxton, a teasing smile on his face. Devi looks away quickly.

And they're on their way. 

Devi ride with Paxton, Malia and Tommy, but this time Paxton drives, and Malia sits in the front, and Tommy rolls a bunch of joints into a tin box next to her.

The ride goes by fast, mostly because Paxton and Tommy are arguing all the way over every song Paxton select, and Tommy didn't seem to understand music, but he is arguing for the fun. Paxton seems to be used to these arguments, because after every shout from one of them, serious as it may be, they both laugh and change the subject. It's funny to see these two together.

At the entrance to the hangar there were glowing stalls, and Tommy and Paxton ran there like children, taking off their shirts while running. Devi went with Malia there, looking at the various stalls. All the stalls were glowing in the dark, some were selling sticklights, some were painting on people, some were selling drinks and rolling papers or, and the thought was a little depressing to Devi, syringes.

A girl with glasses and an unusually short bangs drew on Paxton in large brush strokes, on Tommy drew a guy with a mustache, and went through all of Tommy's tattoos with a thin brush. 

Malia was next in line, the girl emphasizing her features in a glowing color, and while they were still working on Tommy, Devi's turn came too, and she got arrows on her hands and a heart on her bare back.

Ben, Trent, Dylan and Miguel were already at the entrance, painted and smiling.

Devi saw that all the boys had taken off their shirts, and that Ben had been given a drawing of the six-pack he always wanted. 

Devi kissed Ben on the lips, and Tommy gathered everyone when they finally finished painting on him. 

He took a bag of mushrooms out of his pocket and the group rubbed their hands, ready for the experience. 

"OK" Tommy said and everyone took out their phone. "At three sharp everyone on the benches outside, we making sure we all still alive, and moving on" he said and they nodded, happy that the next day none of them had to work, and set their alarm on their phones.

Then each of them took pieces of mushrooms and shoved them into his mouth. 

"You don't have to do if you don't want to" Malia looked at Devi. 

Devi smiled at her and nodded. 

When she put the mushroom in her mouth, she did _**not** _expect it to be so disgusting. And wow this is the worst thing in the world, her face is crooked and she almost vomits, but Paxton puts a hand on her back and it stops her.

"Shit" she says and someone hands her a small piece of kit-kat. 

"Just to get the taste out, don't eat in the next hour," Malia tells her. 

Ben looked at the exchange, he didn't take any magic mushroom, and he was glad he didn't. He vomits much faster than Devi.

"Go make a mess, you dumb fucks" Tommy says and the extended group entered the hangar after presenting their tickets.

Once the door opened, loud music burst through it, and none of them could hear anything now except the music. 

Almost instantly, Miguel, Trent, Dylan and Malia disappeared into the bouncy, glowing crowd, Tommy and Paxton were also drawn to the crowd after a few moments, and Devi was left standing with Ben. 

"Crazy here" he shouts in her ear and she nods. 

"Looks fun" She smiles big, and the lights are flickering like her heartbeat. 

"I'm going to get something to drink, do you want something?" Ben asks and Devi shakes her head up and down.

"Thanks! I'll wait for you” she smiles and he nods and walks away.

Glowing hands grab her and pull her to the audience, Devi sees only lights and brush strokes glowing green and blue and orange in front of her eyes, and it doesn’t even matter who she’s dancing with, she just jumps and moves according to the electronic beat. Between jumping and breathing she recognizes long, black hair, and assumes it's Malia, and chopped, blond hair, and she knows it's Dylan. She feels hands on her back, and she don't need to turn around to know that the hands are Paxton's, she doesn't have to see him to know that it is him. But she does turn around, to get away from him, and moves to the center of the floor, pulling Malia along with her. They laugh and Devi doesn't know how long they have been dancing, but she can see the lights turning and dancing for her.

"Do you see the lights?" Malia yells at her and Devi nods, stunned. They both look at the lights, and they don't shine straight, the beam of light curves in the middle and dances like one of the people.

"Gifts from the mother nature" Malia shouts and continues to look at the lights, no longer dancing. 

"How do we see the same thing?" Devi shouts and Malia shrugs. 

"It's always like that" Malia says aloud, trying to get over the noise of the music, and for a moment Malia thinks she's done too well, and she hears nothing more, but she manages to find the music behind her head, like a background tune. 

Devi takes a deep breath and she sees Malia walk away from her, but Devi can't stop dancing now because her legs are moving by themselves, and her heart is pounding as if it is going to jump from her. The place is crowded, and at any given moment there is at least one body touching her, and she enjoys every touch of flesh, sticky and hot and strong against her. She raises her head to the lights and lets the feeling fill her, the lights dazzle her. She looks at the lasers stopping for her and showing her how they can break, and she sees the beams of light dancing on people's bodies, illuminating for her a hot body after a hot body. Her hand is outstretched and she places it on bare pieces of flesh, once it's on a girl's bare belly, and once it's a guy's smooth shoulder, she doesn't know if people respond to her, but her hand does it alone, Devi isn't even aware of her action. She just knows she wants to feel the sweat sticking to her and her heart's racing.

A strong hand grabs her outstretched palm and returns it to her body, holding it tightly. She recognizes the glowing paintings and the smell, and she leans her head back.

"You're in the touching part" Paxton says in her ear and continues to dance with her, pressed to her back. 

Devi understands what he's talking about, because to her exposed back is stuck with sweat and dirt to Paxton's bare chest and she runs her free hand over his arm. 

"Do you want to sit down?" He asks in her ear and she shakes her head, looking at the people dancing in front of her.

Devi turns to him, and between the noise of the music and the crowds, she rests her head on his chest and closes her eyes with a big smile on her lips. 

His heart is pounding, she can almost feel it throbbing beneath her, and she's not sure if it's because of her or because of the drugs. She wraps her arms around him and her hand goes over his back, her fingers run over his back muscles. Paxton's hands wrap around her and hold her tight, pressing to him.

Once again, Devi doesn't know how much time passes, but for her, it feels like an eternity. Everything sounds slow, everything moves slowly when she is his hands, and she rests her forehead on his chest and sees that on his tight stomach got stamped from the heart she has on her back, and she smiles and kisses the skin between his nipples.

Paxton raises his hands to her hair, grabbing her cheeks, making her look at him. Her eyes close on his, and she can't breathe for a moment.

Until Ben pats her shoulder and she turns around just because of Paxton's startled look. 

"What the fuck, Devi" he says and seems to be considering whether to hit Paxton or not, whether he can take it or not. 

Devi looks at Paxton again and Ben walks away. 

Paxton sighed. 

"Go" he tells her and she runs after him, Paxton not sure how she's going to talk to him when she's on magic shrooms, but good luck to her. 

He feels uncontrollable happiness and starts dancing because he no longer needs proof that Devi wants him. His Devi, is under his control and he doesn't need anything else at the moment. So what she went after Ben, it's okay, she just gonna break up with him.

If she won't end things with him, he has to be a fucking mat to stay with her after that. But all that can't matter now, Paxton is high as a plane and he dances frantically, his hands spread out to the sides and he jumps, familiar faces appear and disappear before his eyes.

Malia and Dylan appear in front of him, handing him a bottle of water. He follows them outside the audience, Dylan disappears as they walks, and Paxton takes a deep breath. He didn't know he was so tired untill he sipped the whole bottle of water.

"Where's Devi?" Malia asks Paxton, who smiles a plotting smile in response. 

"Outside, with Ben" he tells her and Malia narrows her eyes for a moment, but doesn't respond. She sips from her bottle and drops flow from it, and Paxton reaches out to wipe it from her chin. Malia smiles at him, and she knows it's not in that way, she and Paxton kissed once and they both felt literally nothing. She and Paxton are brothers, and Malia is just more into tall, black-haired tattooed drug addicts.

"You find Tommy or Trent?" He asks.

"Trent is behind you, and Tommy is gone," she says, her eyes still exploring the people. Dylan and Miguel staled in corner, along with a little black guy, and they looked like they really needed to find a room, like, right now, because that's not the kind of a party.

Paxton nods and places his water bottle down, grabs her hand and pulls her. 

They dance together, do funny faces at each other, laugh out loud and turn around, and Paxton don't know when he even lost Malia again, but when he find her, she dances with a tall, broad man, his skin painted in many colors, and he places a hand on her waist, almost on her buttocks. Paxton considers stopping him, but Malia deserve to enjoy herself, and she just puts a hand on his neck and get closer to him, kissing him passionately. The man's lips went down to her neck and Paxton felt uncomfortable looking, but it stopped a second after that, as another body pounced on the man and dropped him to the floor.

If they were in the movie, the music would stop and everyone would look at them, but they are not, and the music goes on, and people keep dancing around them. Malia and Paxton pick up whoever it turns out to be, Tommy, and push him away from the dance floor.

"What the hell?" Paxton asks aloud and Tommy shakes them off, leaning against the wall behind him. 

Tommy looks stunned by himself, he's angry and wants to yell, but he didn't know he did it, and he defiantly didn't know why he did it. 

"She didn't want it" Tommy said after a few seconds of panting. 

Paxton frowned, and Malia did the same. 

"He forced himself on her!" Tommy shouted, and he seemed to decide to take that explanation, rather than the truth.

"No he isn't" Malia said. She didn't even look angry, she looked tired of Tommy.

"She kissed him" Paxton told him, hoping that's what would wake Tommy, but it's not looking like it helped. 

"No, no, he forced himself and you were there and you didn't helped her!" Tommy continued.

Malia laughed contemptuously. 

"I don't need Paxton, you, or anyone else to take care of me," she said and after looking at Tommy one last time, she turns and walks away. 

"Why didn't you something?" Tommy asked, angry.

"She kissed him" Paxton said once more and now he was leaning against the wall next to Tommy. 

"What" Tommy didn't seem to understand, and his face was red. Paxton didn't know if it was because of the shame or the anger. "No," he said, shaking his head.

"Stop treating her like a child," Paxton said aloud. 

Tommy didn't want to listen, and his phone just vibrated in his pocket, and so did Paxton's phone. 

"Vital signs check up" Paxton said, walking to the exit, knowing Tommy was behind him. 

When they get out to the benches, they sit down on a low bench with pillows, both silent. 

"Where are they?" Tommy says, and his leg jumps. 

Miguel, Dylan and their new friend were the first to show up, and they sat down next to them, looking exhausted. 

Trent came out afterwards, not noticing his friends and looking for them for a few minutes before hearing the shouts in his direction. 

Tommy took a joint out of the tin box and lit it, moving the box, because he was probably going to smoke this one on his own. 

"Where is Malia? Devi and Ben?" Paxton asks and his eyes search in the open area, maybe they're here.

Malia arrived after a few minutes and sat down next to them, not making eye contact with Tommy. 

"Devi?" Paxton asks her and she checks her phone.

"Ben says they left" Malia says and puts the phone back in her pocket.

Paxton nods. 

They must have fought and parted, and it makes sense that Ben wouldn't want to stay, but why did Devi didn't stay? She would be without Ben's cables, free to do whatever she wanted, and Paxton knew she wanted to do a number of things related to him.

“So everyone is alive? Good” Tommy says and stands up.

"Sit down" Paxton tells him and Tommy sit. 

"I think we'll go in a bit, too," Miguel says, one hand on his knee, his other hand gone somewhere behind the back of the guy he and Dylan grabbed, and Paxton does not want to know exactly where that hand is. 

"Tell me when you move, I'll join," Malia said, taking a deep breath from the joint passed to her. 

"Me too," Trent said and then leaned forward. "But this is the best time I've had in years, I love you guys so much" he continued and everyone knew that the mushroom was talking.

Still they smiled as Trent kept talking. 

"Each and every one of you, you're my brothers, except you, you I do not know" Trent says to the new guy, "You are my family, I will do everything for you, I fucking love you boys" he says and the gang laughs out loud now, Dylan ran a hand through Trent's wild hair.

"We love you, man" Paxton tells him and they all stand up again, returning to the noisy hangar. 

-

Devi thinks Ben is yelling at her. She's not sure, the lights are still swirling in her eyes, and she needs to feel something, someone, she needs skin and flesh under her hands.

The next thing she thinks is that they're out, but they're in a closed place again, and she yells at him.

"Are you sure? Are you sure?" She asks aloud, and Ben laughs and the voice sounds like a curse to her ears.

Devi sees red spreading on his skin, and maybe it's yellow, but Devi wants to lick it from him, not to see it anymore, because he cries that it burns him.

"You disgust me" Devi hears, and it's Tommy, looking at them, big compared to them, they're looking at him from the ground, tiny and he can't hear their little voices, they're embarrassed.

"Get out of here! go, no!" Tommy yells at them, and they run, far away.

The next thing Devi remembers is that they're in the car, and Ben tells her he's going to his uncle, he needs to go to him, he can't stay even though she asks him to stay next to her.

"I'm going to my uncle" Ben says once again, and Devi sees his eyes still full of tears, and he says he's still burning.

-

Around four o'clock, they were on their way back.

Paxton driving, Trent next to him, Malia and Tommy were forced by the driver to sit in the back.

Throughout the ride Trent tells Paxton about his trip, about the human-sized centipede he danced with, about the fact that the centipede told him he is in the right way in life, that he was going to a good place, and then danced with him the Salt and Pepper's 'Push it' dance, right in the middle of the dancing floor.

The back seat is quiet.

The two are brewing in their anger, and their thoughts run into the distance. Malia fails to close her eyes, staring out the window at the black night sky, listening to Trent's words that fill her mind, giving refuge to her thoughts.

Tommy fell asleep, he drank a lot after the check-up, dancing frantically, aggressively showing everyone that he was okay. He's fine, thanks. He's not angry at all.

Dylan, Miguel and Kevin were in another car, and Dylan tried so hard to look at the road, because the two in the back seat were very seductive.

When they get to their street, Dylan and Trent pick up Tommy from Paxton's car and lay him down on the roommates' couch, and Paxton can finally drive, straight to bad.

Dylan, Miguel, Trent and Malia are now looking at Tommy sprawled on their couch.

"It's a shame he pay so much for that apartment, he crashes here more than he sleeps there," Dylan says aloud, throwing a pillow at Tommy, who doesn't move.

"It's because he's mostly just fuck there, not sleeping," Miguel laughs.

"He gotta learn when to stop drinking," Trent murmurs. "So tired" he continues to mumble, and goes to his room, exhausted.

"Mali, bring him some blanket so he won't die, we have a guest" Miguel says and winks at her before he turns around, pulling Dylan with him, to Kevin, waiting for them in the room.

Malia sighs.

"Let's let him die" she says, but turns to her room, changes clothes and takes a blanket from her closet.

When Malia returns to the living room, Tommy is sitting on the couch, the TV on but muted.

"One last joint?" Tommy asks, and Malia wants to be angry, she really wants to be angry, but she knows it's not good to be angry.

Her momma always said that getting angry is just harming yourself, and Malia is not about that life.

And as soon as Malia is offered an escape route from the anger, she takes it.

So Tommy rolls a small joint and Malia sits down on the armchair, far from Tommy, still boiling.

As Malia light the tip of the joint, she inhales long and closes her eyes, leaning back.

"How were the mushro-" Tommy begins, but she interrupts him.

"Fuck you," she says, her eyes opening when she hears his voice.

"Yup"

"Seriously, fuck you. What you want anyway?” Malia whispers, but her voice is aggressive.

"I don't wa-"

"Don't even answer me," she continues, not giving him a chance to talk. "You are rude, arrogant, you think only of yourself and what is good for you, and everyone else can go fuck themselves right?" She inhales the joint again, her body begins to relax with each toke.

Tommy shakes his head and looks down.

And call Malia a fool, call her an innocent, she can't see him like that. It could be the shroom that soothes her, or the weed, or the fact that she finally speaking her anger, but she can't look at him like that, humiliated, raw.

And maybe something in her expects there to be something else, that there is a reason he keeps boys away from her, that there is a reason he cock block her every night they are out.

She is silent for another long inhale, holding it deep inside, and releasing slowly.

"Why are you doing this, T?" Malia asks after a long silence.

"I'm worried for you, I care about you, Mali" he says quietly as she hands him the joint.

"I can take care of myself, Tommy," Malia says, and he should know that already.

"There's so much shit out there, I don't want you to get hurt," Tommy whispers.

"You must let me try to get to know people, I can't..." She stops herself. She can't hope for him forever.

"You overreacting Mali, I didn't stop you from meeting good people" he says and Malia sighs in frustration.

"You stopped me from getting to know all the people who aren't us, you're not nice to all the people I do get to know, and I know that you put a hand around me whenever a man speaks to me..." Malia's voice dies with every passing moment. She sounds stupid, she knows Tommy doesn't want her like that. She sounds like a 14-year-old girl, and Malia hates to sound like that.

"Because I don't like them, I'm worried," Tommy says after a few seconds, inhales from the joint again and passes it to her. "You are my best friend," he adds.

Malia inhales deeply from the joint.

"Stop worrying about me, you're not helping anyone with this," she says, and they both know she means her feelings, they both know that Tommy is not helping anyone with his concern.

Malia takes another breath and crush the joint in the ashtray, exhaling as she gets up, going to bed.

\----------------------------------------------------------

This time Malia opens the door for her. 

It's too early for one of the boys to be awake, especially after yesterday, but Malia got some messages from Devi, and she was angry at first, because who texted her at eleven in the fucking morning, who didn't know her so much to do so, but Devi said it was urgent and she had no one else to talk to, so Malia woke up, and ten minutes later Devi was already knocking on the door. 

Malia made them both coffee, and they went out to their small sun terrace, which included only 2 chairs, pillows on the floor, a table and an ashtray. 

"Speak to me" Malia said and lit the joint she had prepared for herself, as a reward for getting up so early. 

Devi sighed. 

It's not going to be good. 

"Paxton told you why we went yesterday-" Devi tried to find the right word. "He told you what happened?" she paused again.

Malia shook her head. 

"I haven't talked to him yet ... what happened?"

"There was a hug... very sensual hug" Devi began and swallowed. "And we almost kissed, and then Ben..." Devi sighed aloud. "It sounded so ninth grade, but he saw us and we had a fight, I think, outside the hangar, until they asked us to go."

"Damn," Malia said, inhaling smoke once more. 

"And Ben dropped me off at the apartment, and went to his uncle," Devi continued. 

" _Damn_ " Malia said again and took the smoke out of her lungs. 

"And another critical detail, I was still stoned from the fucking mushrooms, and I'm not one hundred percent sure how it went," Devi lowered her head. 

" _ **Damn**_ " Malia said aloud and laughed for a moment, and Devi smiled for a second before remembering she was joking at her expense. 

Malia passed the joint to Devi, who grabbed it with two hesitating fingers. 

"What do you remember?"

"I remember he was really jealous, and I told him I had second thoughts about him, and Tommy was there and said we were disgusting him, and Ben cried a little I think" Devi's eyes didn't raised from the floor, embarrassed and ashamed of her actions. 

"Shit, sis" Malia said and leaned back. 

"He hasn't answered me since yesterday, and I'm worried something happened to him on the way, and I want to tell him it was a mistake, that I shouldn't talk to Paxton or be near him at all, and that New York was one big mistake." 

Malia shakes her head. 

"First of all, breathe," Malia said, waiting for Devi to finally do it. "Now, wait for a call from him, because mushrooms are an hallucinations drugs and there is a good chance that you remember things _completely_ differently," she continued, and Devi nodded at her, clinging to words full of hope.

"And if something happened to him?" Devi asked again and Malia looked behind her at the glass door, checking the sleeping body in the living room.

"Did you say Tommy said you disgusted him? Why would he say that? ” Malia asked her, and Devi twisted her face and inhaled from the joint in her hands, then grimace again.

"I'm not sure, I just know I saw him tell us we're disgusting and that we should go away," Devi said, and now that she's thinking about it, Tommy is a piece of shit. Who says such things?

"Tommy is the dead body on the couch" Malia asked, recalling the awful conversation they had. "Do you want to wait until he wakes up and asks him?" Malia asked, like a teacher talking to children, and Devi nodding, like the child she felt.

“Then we will do it. In the meantime, we have no information, so you have to relax about it until we can do something about it, okay? ” Malia asked, raising her eyebrows. “Stop worrying until we can be sure there is a room for worrying”

"It doesn't make sense, if there is a problem, I have to take care of it," Devi said confidently. 

Malia grinned. 

"No, if you not sure if there is a problem at all, you don't worry about it until you can be sure" Malia said, too, with complete confidence.

Devi twisted her eyebrows and shook her head. 

"I'm so scared we broke up yesterday" Devi says and her heart raced inside her. She passed the joint to Malia, who turned her head to her.

"Can I ask why?" Malia asked and Devi looked at her, stunned.

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean, you told me it's boring, and that you have second thoughts about him, and that you not sure about him. Why you afraid you broke up? ” Malia asked, not looking away from Devi. Malia could not figure it out, it's either you love or you don't, and is you don't love, things don't change, especially after trying for so long. It should reach a point where you stop trying, if it doesn't work.

Devi has been thinking about the answer for a long time. She is now looking at New York, lit by the cold and clear sun and pleasant.

"He's my best friend now, he's known me since I was five, and he may not be the most interesting and cool person in the world, but he's mine, I know the fucks, the good stuff, the fears and the downsides” Devi says but she can't put it all into words. 

"sex?" Malia asked and Devi blushed.

"I don't have much to compare to, but it's good" she smiled to the view. 

"Listen" Malia started and put her feet on the railing, leaning back and looking at the sky. "I have no idea which direction you are more inclined to. On the one hand, you don't see yourself growing old with him, and on the other hand, you are afraid that you two broke up” She said, turning her head now to Devi. "What the hell do you want to do?"

Devi leaned back too, placing her feet on the railing. 

"I want someone to decide for me, because I'm tired of making mistakes" Devi replies after a few moments of silence. 

"You don't have to answer that now, but Devi" Malia looked serious for a moment, even though she hadn't changed her sitting. "Please decide, because I don't want to see him fucked more than that," she said, and they both knew she meant Paxton.

Malia doesn't want to have to pick up the pieces of Paxton, she doesn't want to see him in this situation, ever. 

"Neither do I" Devi said quietly and Malia nodded at her. 

The two are silent, and Malia looks at the gray clouds, and Devi looks at the buildings, at the people running, but she doesn't catch any of it, her mind working overtime now. 

“Also, it's not that there is anything to envy in Paxton. He's never wanted a relationship, and I'm not gonna be a short fling,” Devi said, expressing her thoughts as if Malia were hearing the conversation in her head.

Malia is silent. 

"I can't break up with Ben for a fling, hot as he may be, he is always careful about relationships, he hasn't dated anyone in high school and since then, he has never been in a real relationship, he is just not built for it" Devi continued, trying to convince herself more than Malia. 

"He had a girlfriend once for two months," Malia said and Devi frowned. "Yeah, in college, but Paxton says they never said they are exclusive, and that the ethics professor seduced him, so it's not his fault," she continued, and with each word, lowered her voice. That's not the argument she wanted to make.

"Thank you for a great example of what I say"

"That's not what I wanted to say!" Malia said in a voice a little louder than her chill tone. "It's not that he's not built for a relationship, he never found someone right for that," she tried to explain.

"Oh yeah? For six years he didn't find any girl good enough?” Devi asked and the girls exchanged glances now.

"Oish, Devi, God, talk to him about it, I can't tell you everything" Malia sighed. She feels like Judah when she tells Devi such things.

"Did you and he ever...?" Devi asked, and it was a question that popped into her mind from the first moment she saw the two together.

Malia grinned to herself. 

"Paxton is like my lost brother" Malia's smile was big, even huge. "In the first month we met, we didn't get why our chemistry was so strong, and we kissed once" Malia explained and Devi raised an eyebrow.

Malia laughed again. 

"But I almost vomited afterwards, and he didn't enjoy the action at all, and we decided it would never happen again" Malia smiled when she remembered the awkward kiss they shared, and almost burst out laughing again when she remembered that later that night, she _did_ vomited outside the bar. 

"Did you manage to understand the chemistry at the end?" Devi asked. She was glad to hear that Malia and Paxton had never taken it further than an innocent kiss, and she didn't want to admit that was the reason, but she trusted Malia more now.

"It's really weird, because even though he grew up in California, and I in New York, we went through similar things during our childhood, and a lot of events and similar decisions led us to the same path in the end," Malia said, not wanting to share more than that, because it's hers and Pax's. 

Both were born to religious parents, both moved away from the religion, both were popular in high school, both didn't date people because they were burned once, at 17, and they both found comfort in music. Although they were different in lots of things, they think and react the same, both are optimistic and prefer to deal with things on their own, trust themselves more than anyone.

The door behind them opened, Tommy and Dylan, holding large cups of coffee, went out on the porch and sat down on the pillows on the floor in front of the girls, with tired moans. Malia and Devi straightened up in their chairs, and Malia felt the anger about yesterday returning to her. Cock Blocker.

Dylan pulled out a large joint and lit it, Tommy resting his head on his hands, rubbing his eyes. 

"God help me I'm not at the age of raving anymore" Dylen says, his voice hoarse. He sipped his coffee for a long time.

Devi and Malia exchanged glances, and Malia just waited for Tommy to smoke already, so he could talk. 

"You are twenty-four years old" Malia told him and he frowned. 

"Your point ...?" Dylen asked and passed the joint to Tommy.

Tommy remembers everything. He did too many mushrooms and hallucinogenic drugs in his life to be able to remember what happened the night before. He remembered the man who attacked Malia, and he remembered how Paxton had done nothing, and how he should have saved Malia from it. He remembered that Paxton had told him that was not what had happened, but Tommy knew the truth. He remembered their little talks, when he couldn't find the right words in his mind to explain why he is doing this; and with all that in his mind, all he know was that he was right. Tommy saved Malia from a rapist in potential.

And even if not, Tommy did it for Trent, who kind of into Malia. 

“So T Bone” Devi started with his weird nickname, trying to get on his good side and Malia looked at her for a moment. "Do you by any chance remember you told we were disgusting and that we need to go away?" She asked and Tommy seemed not to understand.

"You and Malia?" Tommy raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Me and Ben" 

"Oh yes! You nasty dogs” he smiled and took a long toke from the joint.

"What exactly happened there?" Devi asked, and was afraid of the answer enough for her leg to jump.

"Don't you remember?" Tommy's smile is big now, and Malia knows it's the smile when he has a chance to embarrass his friends.

Devi shook her head. 

"You don't remember you and Ben, almost having sex in the hot dog truck, ketchup and mustard everywhere?" He asked.

Malia and Dylan tried not to laugh. 

They really, really, really tried. 

“Oh so you don't remember that you kept yelling at him 'You sure? You sure? You hate mustard” Tommy is enjoying it now. “I was telling you to go because the truck owner was coming back, sew you two and almost called the cops, and I had to pay him for the mustard you emptied on Ben”

Malia and Dylan can't take it anymore, they are laughing, grabbing their bellies with tears in there eyes. 

"So why did Ben went to his uncle?" Devi asked Malia, who tried to calm down without success.

As an answer, Malia just shook her head, she doesn't know why he went, but it's one of the most beautiful stories she ever heard. 

ish. 

Now that Malia thinks about it, a moment before that Devi almost kissed Paxton, and now Malia is almost worried for him. 

She doesn't know this girl enough to tell Paxton she's good enough for him, and that's not something a 'good enough for Paxton' person does. 

But Devi said she doesn't want to hurt Paxton, and Malia has a tendency to believe in people, so she try not to think about it too much.

"Thank you," Dylan said, wiping a tear from his eyes. Tommy nodded, knowing the story would be told many more times.

"So how was your evening?" Devi asked, trying to divert the conversation from sex that included mustard.

Malia and Tommy exchanged glances for a brief second, and decided to let Dylan speak. 

"He's still here" Dylan raised his eyebrows for a second and smiled. 

"Dark chocolate still here?" Tommy asked and looked out the door, checking to see if he was awake.

"Racist, and yes, his name is Kevin," Dylan said. "Amazing" is all Dylan said, but with his pleased smile, there was no need to say anything more.

"Can't believe I didn't got anyone yesterday" Tommy said, and he felt nausea reach him. Fucking hangover.

"Can't believe you cock blocked me yesterday" Malia said and kicked weakly in Tommy's leg but then she smiled. It was an offering, and a weak kick is the best he would get from her.

"Can't believe you think I cock blocked you yesterday" he returned to her, but he took everything she give him, and if she forgives him, then he's the last one to not accept it. 

Devi's eyes looked at the exchange and she understood nothing. 

"What happened yesterday?" She asked and looked at Malia, not believing she didn't asked her that yet.

"Nothing, and nothing would have happened anyway" Tommy said emphatically. 

Dylan slapped him on the shoulder. 

"He's a dick, but seriously Mali, when was the last time you had a one time stand?" Dylan asked her.

Malia blushed. 

She didn't slept with anyone for a long time. She kissed Trent, and they had a bit of fun, but she didn't have sex with anyone in almost... two years.

"If Tommy was not a shitty friend, maybe it would have happened yesterday," she said. 

Dylan wanted to keep asking her about it, but he knew that next to Devi, whom he barely knows, and Tommy, who she had a little crush on, it's not the right place. 

The door opened behind them again, and Trent stepped inside.

"No, no, there is no room for all this, one too many" The sitting four said and they tried to stand on the small balcony. 

"It's too much" they said and finally managed to get back into the apartment, Malia and Devi push Trent into the living room. 

Devi took the phone out of her pocket and checked her messages. 

"Ben answered" she says and Malia leans on the back of the armchair, waiting to know what happened at the end. 

"He says he's been talking to me about this trip for two days, he's not going to be here for the weekend," Devi says in a supportive voice. 

"Oh," Malia said. Sounds so ordinary.

As if he did not know they had kissed, or almost kissed again in a rave. 

"Devi, any allergies?" Malia asked, trying not to think about it. She can't direct things according to how she wants them to happen, so she let destiny do it's thing.

Devi shook her head. 

"Lasagna" Malia said to the questioning eyes and went to the kitchen to the cheers of the boys. 

Devi followed her, watching Malia take things out of the fridge and cupboards. 

"Go to the living room, because if you don't connect with the boys someday, I will not love you" Malia told her after Devi's character followed her like a shadow in the kitchen. 

"I don't know what to talk about with them" Devi said for a moment, feeling like a little girl. 

"You'll get along," Malia said and her eyebrows rose, threatening. 

Devi surrendered and turned around, wondering where to sit. 

Tommy and Trent turned on the TV, watching Family Guy, Dylan sat down on the carpet and rolled a joint. 

"Is there a moment you don't smoke?" Devi asked and sat down in the armchair, at the right angle to the TV, but also at a sufficient angle to have a conversation.

The trio looked at her in confusion. 

"Why ... why not smoke?" Tommy asked, trying to be nice, as much as he could after such a question.

"Like ... don't you feel stoned all the time?" She asked, her eyebrows clenched in question.

The boys are still confused. 

"It ... isn't that the intention?" Dylan tells her, his eyebrows clenched.

"OK?" Devi finally said, not sure if she got an answer or not.

They kept seeing Family Guy, and Trent imitated Peter on point, and Dylan knew every word and joke. Devi found herself more than once laughing out loud, even snoring once, when Trent and Miguel, who had finally woken up, recited an entire dialogue as Peter and Lewis.

When Kevin left Miguel and Dylan's room, he found himself accompanied by five pairs of eyes everywhere in the apartment, and when he finally left, Miguel made a loud moan. 

"What a cock" he said in a panting voice, leaning on Dylan. 

"You have never seen such dick" Dylan agreed without choice and wrapped Miguel in one hand. 

"Thank you for that" Tommy says and gets up from the couch. 

“You never seen such thing, T! I'm telling you!" Dylan shouts to Tommy who disappears into the kitchen.

Malia stirred a pot that smelled like tomatoes and garlic and red wine, and Tommy stopped over the pot and smelled long. 

"Wizard" he told her and she smiled, the steam hiding the blush on her cheeks. 

Tommy sat down on their kitchen island and looked at Malia. She sings along with the music she puts on, she never cooks without music, and she had a voice that suited certain songs, she could change her voice and play with it, and when she was alone, Tommy knows she sings loudly, without restraint. She doesn’t have a groundbreaking voice, but she could sing enough not to fake and sound awful.

Between mixing and chopping, she looked at him for brief moments, not understanding what he was doing there. 

"Need something, T-bone?" She asked him and tried not to show him how much he affected her.

It probably didn't work for her. 

"No, just enjoying watching you cook" he said and she looked at him and frowned with a small smile. 

"Weirdo" she answers him and continues to mix. 

Tommy knew Malia thanks to Paxton. The first time they met, Tommy was skeptical about the girl's abilities regarding drugs, music, knowledge, everything. He had never had a friend who was a girl, and he knew girls were dramatic and crazy, that's how he knew them, that's how he thought. But on the first evening Malia and he were the only ones still smoking, and after a short conversation, it is impossible not to like Malia, even a little. So Tommy agreed to hang out with her, even though it wasn't a question at all, Paxton and she connected from the first moment, Tommy had to get along with her. After a while, it was clear to him that she was into him, that Malia, the girl who was superior to any girl Tommy had ever met, who was a bro, was into him. Tommy got a ego boost, which he desperately needed, and since then it didn't disappear, not her affection for him, nor his ego. He teased her, gently, not as he could, nicely, and he always made sure he didn't cross the line. He didn't want to ruin the only good relationship he had with girls in his life.

There were not many positive female characters in Tommy's life, his mother was a drug addict who until she died of an overdose, reminded him daily that he was a mistake, that he shouldn't have happened, and never believed him when he told her that her boyfriend, a drug dealer who controlled his street, touched him at night. He had no sisters, and when he moved to an adoptive family, except for an abusive father, he had a mother who had dementia a year after moving in with them. By the time he managed to sleep with someone, the girl laughed at him for crying as he did when she touched him. Tommy hated women. Until he met Malia. Malia listened to him and never laughed at him, she was funny and cool until he sometimes wondered if she was real.

"I know I acted like a dick yesterday," Tommy said. 

Malia's hand stopped stirring for a moment.

"I know you would have liked something else to happen," he added. 

Malia placed the wooden spoon on the counter, but didn't look at him. She don't know if he is talking about yesterday, or if he meant something else between them.

"Okay" she said quietly, her heart pounding. She turned and leaned against the counter, still not looking at him in the eyes.

"I love you too much as a sister" Tommy told her and something sank deep inside her. "You are the best female in my life, and I adore you a little" Tommy smiles at her, but she doesn't look at his face.

"Flattery," she said quietly, and he shook his head. 

"I'm serious. And I don't want to ever hurt you, I can't afford to lose you” Tommy's voice is steady, as if he thought about it for a long time, as if he practiced it. "You're like the sister I always wanted" he smiled, and he thought it would help, if he said that.

But the word sister rang in Malia's ears and she did everything she could to stop the tears that climbed down her throat. 

She nodded at him, and the tears were already shining in her eyes. Tommy gets off the counter, stands up, but doesn't approach her.

Malia smiled at him, trying to hide the tears, and turned to the pot, stirring again. 

Tommy didn't want her to cry, that was all he didn't want. He feels so stupid now, and he doesn't know what made her cry, he just knows he made it. He step towards her and wraps her shoulders from behind, resting his chin on her head.

"I'm sorry," he whispers to her. 

Malia nods and releases a strangled-from-tears laugh.

"All good, Tommy," she says after a few moments as his hands tighten around her, filling her nose with the smell of his deodorant, holding her shoulders tightly. 

"I love you," he tells her. "Just not like that-"

"All good, Tommy" she repeats, stronger and her hand pulling in his arms, freeing herself. 

Tommy doesn't know what to say anymore, and he knows that when Malia cries, she will die before letting anyone see her like that. So he takes his hands off her and leans back for a moment, before leaving the kitchen.

In the living room are now Trent and Devi, and they are playing ping pong on XBOX. Tommy wonders if he should tell Devi to go to the kitchen, and then he remembers that no one sees Malia crying, and decides not to say anything.

He pulls out his phone and opens the conversation with Paxton.

 _'I talked to her, now it's your turn'_ Tommy sent him and locked the phone, staring at Devi and Trent's game. 

_'You seriously talked to her? how is she?'_ Paxton answers him quickly.

_'It's Malia, who knows how is she'_

_'Now it's your turn_ ' Tommy sends him. 

_'I don't know what to tell her'_ Paxton sends. 

_'she still there?_ " He adds after a second.

' _Yup_ ' Tommy sends and Paxton disconnects from WhatsApp. 

Tommy returns to watch the game, and for a few minutes Paxton doesn't answer. 

' _OMW_ ' he sends and disconnect again. 

Thirty minutes later, in which Trent and Devi played more games than Tommy could count, Malia smoked a joint on the porch, refusing to let anyone go with her, and Tommy ate himself from the inside, Paxton arrived. 

Devi was a little startled to see him, but decided to play herself cool and get back into the game with Trent. Paxton came in, said hello to Malia in the kitchen and then grabbed Tommy by the shoulder and dragged him to Trent's room.

"What am I telling her?" Paxton asked, and the pressure was clear within him. 

"Before you say anything, you should know something" Tommy said and as Paxton sat down on Trent's bed, Tommy leaned against the closet and told him about the hot dog truck incident and about Ben who was at his uncle's. 

Paxton listened to him and was silent for a long time. 

Long enough for Tommy to get worry. 

"Dude, you okay?" Tommy asks him and Paxton finally responds and nods.

"Yes, yes, but like" he says and he feels his thoughts revolve around him, unclear. "Why are they ... how are they ..." Paxton lost words as he spoke. "He looked angry enough to dump her ass yesterday, how is that what happened in the end?" He said, not to Tommy, to himself.

"You still need to talk to her," Tommy said after a few moments of silence. 

Paxton looked up, not understanding. 

"Who will benefit from that now?" He asks, shaking his head in misunderstanding.

“You, and her, and everyone. You'll feel so much better after you say that,” Tommy told him, confident. "I'm talking from experience," he adds, and Paxton focuses.

"Do you want to talk about why Malia looks like she's chopped twenty onions?" Paxton asks.

Tommy shakes his head.

"Later" Tommy says and opens the door to the room. "Now it's your turn," he adds, waiting for Paxton to get out first.

Paxton leads his way to the living room and rests his hands on the armchair. 

"Devi, can I talk to you for a moment?" He asks and Devi looks away from the screen and nods at him.

“Are there personal conversations or something like that? Is someone sick?” Trent looks at Tommy who sat down next to him , replaces Devi in the game, and Tommy laughs and unpaused the game.

Devi goes straight to the porch, where she felt most comfortable last time, and Paxton follows her. 

The sky was beginning to feel in black clouds, and they could smell the rain coming, strong, sweeping. The wind was strong, and Devi's hair was flying in every direction, but she needed the air, and the cold, because she knew what Paxton wanted to say.

And she knows what she's going to tell him. And she needs courage for that.

"Hey," he said, leaning against the half wall. 

"Hey" Devi said and pictures from the previous evening came to her mind, for a moment it was Paxton's hands around her shoulders, and for a moment it was Ben, mustard on his shirt. 

"About yesterday" Paxton began, and he didn't know how to say it. He was gonna tell her that he wanted to try it, that he really wanted to try a relationship with her, but then Tommy told him what happened, and the fact that she and Ben were still together.

So he didn't say that. 

"Do you enjoy it?" He asks and the wind whistles in his ears.

Devi twisted her eyebrows. 

"No, I don't enjoy it, Paxton" she decided not to act innocent. She knows very well what's going on, she's not a girl anymore.

"So why... to do a V on you high school crush?" Paxton asks and she shakes her head.

"I'm sorry if I'm confusing you, and that was not my intention at all, you're just a person from my past I met in a new place, and old memories came up, and I was wrong to think those were feelings," Devi said, and the cold froze her skin. She deserved it.

Paxton was silent and nodded slowly. 

"I didn't mean to confuse you, I'm really sorry," she says, and Paxton feels it's not true. 

It's fake. 

Devi Vishwakumar doesn't talk like that. 

"So let's stop it," he finally says. "Completely. I don't want to touch you, don't want to hear you, enough with that shit” Paxton decided, and it hurts him on a level he didn't expect, but it strengthens him as well.

He needs to be strong. He's strong enough for it, he's been through it once, he's not going to go through it again. He’s not going to be ready for a relationship, be built for it and want and hope, and then get a knockout from Ben Gross.

Devi has no chance to answer, because Miguel opens the door to the porch. 

Paxton opens his mouth to yell at him, but Miguel precedes him. 

“They closed the roads. The storm is getting stronger and they say it will reach its peak this weekend, the city is preparing for an emergency,” he says.

Devi looks at Paxton for another moment, and walks back into the apartment with Miguel.

"Yeah, that's what I needed, thanks for that" Paxton says to the sky, cynical and angry and stays standing in the cold wind for a few more moments. He looks at the road being emptied of people, he sees the windows closing in the buildings and he sees a long line in the grocery store under the building, people are buying in unreasonable quantities, as Americans always do.

He goes inside and the wind makes it difficult for him to close the door to the porch. 

Everyone who was in the house at that moment was in front of the TV. Most of the time they don't put news in the apartment, they hate to see what is happening in the world, when their little bubble is so pleasant. But this is an emergency, and they are all listening to the list of roads being closed and restrictions for the coming weekend, they said it's a tornado, but none of the group want to repeat this word.

Malia goes to the kitchen when the timer in the oven rings, and they hear her closing and opening cupboards. 

"We have enough food, how are we on the weed side?" She returns to the living room and Dylan opens three different boxes quickly, urgently, and shows her.

Yes, they are in good place in terms of drugs. 

"Looks like we're having a pajama party," Trent says and Tommy laughs and leans back. 

Paxton and Devi don't laugh, nor do they move. He doesn't know what she's going to do here a whole weekend, and he doesn't know what he will do with her here, a whole weekend.

"Well, the food is ready" Malia says and Miguel and Dylan arrange the table in the living room, and in the arrange, they mean to move all the things to the bottom shelf of the table. Tommy puts his hand on the table and throws dust and drug scraps from the table to the floor, and Trent and Paxton go to the kitchen and help Malia fetch the pans and plates.

The group sits down around the table and starts eating, talking in between, laughing, enjoying the hot lasagna on this cold day. 

Devi doesn't understand what is going on. Devi can't understand how they just slip from a report on a storm in New York, to what cheeses is in the lasagna. This gang doesn't take anything to the heart, they move from talking about the Holocaust to SNL, they jump between sick and poor dogs to parties. She hopes to be like this one day, to accept everything so calmly, as if everything is always good, and if not good, then that too will pass.

Between bites she remembers she'sgiving a second chance to Ben, that she would never tell him about her forbidden kiss on the back of Paxton's car, she would never tell him that they almost kissed again, because now she remembers that Ben saw nothing in the hangar, neither Paxton nor their hug. 

The conversation shifts to sleeping arrangements, and Devi is still not sure she wants to stay here for the entire weekend, with Paxton and his angry looks. 

"So Devi sleep with Malia and Tommy and Paxton rival on the couch" Dylan says and everyone nods except Tommy and Paxton. 

"I'm just saying I'd rather sleep between Dylan and Miguel than with Trent," Paxton says, and Trent laughs out loud. 

"It is not my fault!" He tries to defend himself and everyone shakes their heads, and Devi doesn't understand why at first.

"When you get knocked out of bed and you're still snoring loudly, you do it on purpose and it's your fault" Tommy blames him out loud. 

"I think I'm going to my apartment, it's not that far, and I don't want to overload," Devi says quietly when she finds an opportunity, between laughter and accusations. 

Everyone is looking at her. 

"Absolutely not," Miguel says. 

"No, not gonna happen, next" Tommy sums it up and Devi tries to look nervous, not as if it really made her laugh. 

"I'm serious, it's not that far, and the rain is not that strong yet," she says, and at that moment there is a thunder in the sky.

Malia shakes her head. 

"It's out of the question, I'm not telling your mother you drowned in New York" Dylan decides and it does not sound like the decision can be appealed. 

"You don't know her mother," Trent says after a few seconds.

Dylen looks at him, stunned by his reaction. 

"It was a joke," Tommy says and sighs. 

"Oh" is all Trent says before he takes another piece of lasagna.

Devi opens her mouth, but the subject returns to sleeping arrangements. 

After doing rock-paper- scissor, Paxton won, and he slept on the couch. Tommy sleeps with Trent, and Devi with Malia, and that can no longer be changed.

Everyone, except Malia, gets up to pick up the dishes. This is a clear rule in the house, whoever cooks does not clean.

When they return from the kitchen, Paxton is still there, doing the dishes, a strong wind shaking the door to the porch. 

Dylan opened it and let the wind in for a few seconds. 

"Come on, bitch, it's double glazed!" He shouts loudly into the wind and closes the door quickly with his whole body, struggling with the sliding door.

A smile appears on Devi's face, and it might not be so terrible. 


	3. This House is a Circus.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok, so there is a sex scene in this chapter.  
> It's very important to say that condoms are important as fuck (!), double pack that shit if you don't know the guy, and if you do, pack it also if you don't like the pill. 
> 
> hope you'll like it :)

If killing over the phone was a thing, Devi would be dead by now. 

The morning after her first night of the storm Nalini called her, worried, and when she heard that Devi was in an apartment full of people she didn't know, Nalini almost had a heart attack. 

It was hard for Nalini to release her daughter to New York, and now to hear that Devi's partner, whom Nalini took _so_ long to get used to and the idea of living together before a wedding, not next to her, was on the verge of evil. Devi doesn't hide things from her mother anymore, she finished with this nonsense when she finished high school. On one hand, she had never felt so close to her mother, and on the other hand, it raised Nalini's anxiety level to the sky.

Devi was sitting in Malia's room, she had just woken up and received a call from her mother. She missed this woman, who is now alone in their big house. She learned to use FaceTime, and Devi tried to talk to her every day, but she knew it was hard for Nalini to live alone, she knew Nalini misses her and Kamela's presence.

"Promise me you'll stay safe," Nalini says. She's not living for the idea of Devi in an apartment she doesn't know, but it's better than Devi on the stormy streets of a city she doesn't know.

"I promise, Mom," she says and smiles at her, getting a smile from her terrified character on the screen. 

"And promise me not to do things I won't approve" Nalini raised her eyebrows in warning and Devi smiled. 

"I'm not doing anythings" she told her and kept smiling. "I'll talk to you later Mom, miss you," Devi tells the screen.

"I miss you too, Kan'yā" Nalini says and then they hang up. Devi got out of the room, dressed in the pajamas Malia had given her, even though it was big on her.

"Morning," she tells the living room, not knowing who's there. 

She goes into the bathroom and brushes her teeth, thanking every possible god that Malia is in charge of shopping, otherwise there would be nothing spare in this apartment. 

After making herself a cup of coffee she enters the smoky living room and sits down on the armchair. 

Malia, Paxton and Miguel are sitting there, smoking and snacking on chips with ketchup.

"Where you been while COVID?" Malia asks Devi, who was sipping her coffee as if it were the cure of all.

"At home, I was still in high school, so for more than a year Ben had to sneak into our yard" she said and Malia grinned. 

"Same thing, only my Ben was called Joseph, and Michael, and Terry" Miguel said with a smug smile, and Malia laughed again, Paxton joining her this time. 

"I was under house arrest for the most of COVID, so it didn't effect me too much." Tommy entered the room, coffee in hand, and sat down between Paxton and Miguel. 

"What was it about that time?" Paxton asks, turning to him.

"The caught me with a brick of hashish," he said, with a big smile, as if he was proud of it. 

"Surprise" Miguel smiles at him. 

"Next time you'll go to jail," Paxton tells him, like a lacturing father. 

"Honey, next time was two years ago, and I've never did actual jail time" Tommy says, his chest swollen. "And next time, I have a great lawyer," he winks to Devi

Devi smiles at him. 

"Intern, but okay" she says and continues to sip her coffee, getting the joint that passed on to her. 

"There's too many people here at any given moment" Dylan's voice is heard behind them, and he stands with coffee and eyes barely open. 

"I have a new rule" Paxton raises his hand, and it seems strange to see him point among the bunch of stoners, but that's how it is. Bills go through them on a weekly basis, sometimes it's about using the word 'penetration', sometimes it's a proposal that everyone has to clean their hair from the sink after shaving (a bill Malia offered, and fell every time she tried, as the only woman in the apartment), sometimes it's a proposal for a law that prevents Tommy from getting facial tattoos.

"Talk to us," Malia says. 

"If someone feels that he wants to be alone, that he is tired of the noise, he can get up and go to one of the rooms, without questions and without bad feelings," he says and looks around. "This is what we did in my house in COVID's time, and it worked better than expected," Paxton adds.

They all nod, agreeing that this is an idea that can solve them unnecessary quarrels. The gang use to be together, especially if they all in the apartment, they used to smoking in the living room till they can't no more, so to have the ability to go and none of them will look weird on that - good idea.

"Excellent" is all Dylan said before returning to his room, dragging his lags wearily. 

"Your family is not a good example, you are literally the Brady bunch" Tommy says, and they moved on. 

They watched an entire season of Family Guy, and then moved on to watch American Dad, after Miguel assured them it was much better. 

"You're wrong, and you lucky I'm gonna cook now, because I have arguments and evidence," Malia said and stood up, going to the kitchen with a joint in her hand. 

Malia took the chicken breast out of the fridge, and began to arrange the vegetables to the stir-fry on the counter. She's not playing music this time, her head is too busy to listen to music, and the rain outside is not a bad soundtrack.

As she begins to cut the carrots, Devi arrives. 

"can I help?" She asks and Malia nods at her.

"Knife's there and cutting board" Malia show her, pointing with her big knife.

They begin to cut the vegetables into thin strips, working in silence and in sync until they are disturbed. 

Paxton arrived, saw that Devi was there, took a piece of carrot and left. He didn't say a word, though he wanted to talk to Malia, and didn't stay there as soon as he realized she's there.

"No more you and Paxton then" Malia says and starts chopping the onions. 

"Never was," Devi says aggressively, then breathes. "Ben and I are just going through hard time, it will get better," she adds.

And Malia wants to tell her that things won't change. That she knows that Devi has hurt Paxton in the past, and that she hope she didn't do it again yesterday. Malia wants to tell her it wasn't nice, but she's not a person who argues with people's feelings. She accepts what she is told because she tends to believe people. Malia wants to ask if she just played with her best friend, and that sounds like a bad thing to say, so she says nothing and keeps chopping quietly.

"It was just a kiss, it's not like I'm supposed to marry him," Devi says, and Malia continues to cut. 

"I didn't say anything" Malia finally tells her. 

"You wanted to say," Devi insisted. 

"No, if you're happy, and you'll not play with him again, I'm not saying anything" Malia clarifies and looks at her out of the corner of her eye. 

Devi doesn't stop, she chops frantically, thin, fast. 

"I don't want to hurt him," Devi says, and it sounded sincere.

Malia smiles. 

"I know," she tells her, placing her elbow on Devi's shoulder for a moment, her hands full of onion juice. 

They continue to chop, and as Malia prepares the marinade for the chicken, Devi is debating the question. 

"Mal" she opens, and she's still not sure it's her place, Malia seems to like dealing with things herself. But now she doesn't have to, so maybe Malia would be happy for her to ask.

"Devi?" 

"What happened yesterday?" Devi asks and finishes chopping at last.

"What do you mean?" 

"Yesterday, you came back from the kitchen with red eyes, like you were crying, and then you smoked so much I stopped counting, and then you went to bed, and when I got to bed your pillow was soaked with tears," Devi said, gathering courage. 

"First, I always have red eyes" Malia said and then picked up the joint that had been extinguished. "And I always smoke a lo -" she stopped and sighed.

Malia turned to Devi and leaned against the counter, looking into her eyes. She doesn't want to lie to Devi.

"Yeah, no it's not true, I smoked and then cried until I crushed in bed" Malia said briefly. 

"What happened?"

Malia looked at the entrance to the kitchen overlooking the living room. Tommy sat in the armchair, his legs outstretched, he paints in his block with charcoal paints.

"Tommy told me it wouldn't happen, that he loved me only as a sister and that all it ever gonna be" she says and the tears don't suffocate her anymore, not like yesterday, but the lump climbs up her throat. 

Devi lowered her head. 

"Sorry to hear that," she says. 

Malia nods at her and smiles a sad smile for a moment. 

"It's OK. I should have heard that,” Malia says and turns back to the chicken.

"I still think you a good match" Devi said and Malia stopped her movement. 

"Don't do this Devi" she says quietly. “Don't plant false hopes in me, it won't happen, now or ever. Don't do this to me” Malia asks her, almost begging. It was so hard to say those words.

Devi nodded vigorously. 

"Never again" she said and the two shared a short smile and went back to work on the food. 

After lunch, Devi plays Jenga with Tommy, Miguel and Dylan scrolling through YouTube, Trent and Paxton exercise in Trent's room and Malia lies in her room, listening to music. 

She doesn't hear the knock, and she is on the verge of sleep, or she is already asleep, so when Paxton enters her room she is startled. 

"Hey pretty lady" he tells her and jumps on her bed, lies down next to her, smells of the soap Miguel buys, a combination of melons and cucumbers. 

"Hi Pax," Malia says, lying on her back and looking at the ceiling. 

Paxton picks up her phone. 

"Purify" he said the name of the playlist. 

"I updated it, added some Oscar and the wolf, you'll love them" she tells him. 

Paxton smiles at her and put down the phone. 

"You okay, baby?" He asks, and he knows very well what this question can do, he knows very well that this is the question that can dismantle Malia's strong image.

And as he expected, tears arrive in her eyes and she turns around, lying on her stomach now, hiding her head in the pillow. 

Paxton moved her from the pillow slowly, despite her resistance, and gathers her to him, wrapping around her one strong hand, his other hand stroking her hair. 

"Sorry," he told her. It hurt him, physically, to see her like that. She has been his definition of strength in recent years, his support system, and to see her cry like that, tears falling on him, in tremendous weakness, was heartbreaking.

Once she's sure she can talk again Malia rises from Paxton's chest, leans back and leans her head against the wall next to Paxton's. 

"I feel so stupid," she says, her voice trembling and so are her hands, and Paxton puts a hand around her shoulders. 

"No, don't," he whispers. 

Malia barely manages to breathe again, and she closes her eyes, her wet lashes leaving a mark on her skin. 

"You're not stupid, Mali," Paxton tells her after a minute of music. 

A sad smile appears on her face, and she hopes he doesn't say it just to cheer her up. 

"I was sure it gonna happen at some point," he added, Paxton really thought those two will end up together.

Malia's chest pain intensifies and more tears fall from her. 

"But it's good" he tells her and she straightens her back and nods. 

"Yeah it's good," Malia repeats. 

"You'll find someone much better, who will love you as you deserve," Paxton says, a small smile on his face. 

Paxton's smile finally catches up with her, and a tiny smile appears on her tear-soaked face. 

Malia does not know how she always falls to the feet of these skinny guys, with the heroin look and deep mental issues. She doesn't know how she always falls captive to their smile, but that's how it is. She never chooses the ones that are good for her, only the ones that will hurt her. Always.

"what if I won't?" She asks quietly after a few minutes, her heart racing. She never spoke her greatest fears, she never let anyone look at that side of her, the insecure and scared side that is not strong at all, the side that just don't know what to do.

Paxton shakes his head and straightens up too, looking for her gaze. 

"You will find someone," he told her when he finally caught her eye, confident. 

She wanted to say 'what if', but he seemed so confident. And when Paxton is sure, she can be sure.

So Malia nodded at him and smiled a little smile again.

The song's change and they are quiet, sitting on her bed and looking at her wardrobe, open and messy. 

"You okay?" She asks after a few minutes, turning her gaze to him.

Paxton smiles now, a stronger smile than Malia's broken one, and he looks confident again. 

"Yes" he told her simply. 

Malia hopes to be as strong as Paxton one day. 

"how?" She asks him, looking for an answer to his strength.

"I haven't seen her in six years, I learned to deal with what I have with her, and put it on there, and know how to close it in a box behind my head," he explained to her. 

"Denial, that's my thing," she stings and smiles. 

"No, not denial" Paxton pushes her with his elbow for a moment and then thinks about it. "Okay, maybe that, but it's not just that."

Malia looks at him, confused. 

"I can't explain it, and I don't intend to repeat it to anyone else in the world, but I know it's not over," he told her and smiled. "I don't know when it will happen, I don't want it to happen now, and don't even want it to happen at all, but something in me ..." Paxton searches for his word between the shelves in the closet.

"Know?" Malia asks and he nods.

"I just know it's not over," Paxton tells her. 

Malia hopes to feel that way one day. 

"Be careful, Pax," she says and her eyes worry, searching for his gaze. 

Paxton nods. 

"I am, I promise" he replies to her and they smile and listen to the music. 

\---

In the evening they turn on the news channel again. 

The storm intensifies, winds toss road signs and stray cats, and Miguel stands up. 

"I'm going to get cats," he says and everyone looks at him, stunned. 

"You know the wind is blowing street signs that could kill you," Paxton tells him. 

Miguel shakes his head. 

"Just a few, they're so poor out there and we have so much room for them, T, what do you say?" He says and now he's looking at Tommy.

"No, we are seven people in a three-person apartment, you are not bringing more things here!" Tommy's tough.

Trent stood up next to Miguel. 

“Two cats, max. If in half an hour we won't find any, we return, we promise,” Trent says, looking at Malia.

"Don't look at her!" Tommy says, knows that Malia will break the slightest pressure on their part and sends his hand to hide Malia's eyes.

"Go get them" Malia tells him loudly and laughs, Tommy's hand clings to her eyes and crushes her head a bit, making her laugh louder, as if nothing changed.

Devi laughs out loud as they run fast, before hearing Tommy's disapproving screams behind them. 

"Bring a dog if you can find one" Dylan ran after them to the door and shouts were heard from the hallway, but they weren't clear. 

"They'll bring a dog" Dylan returned smiling and sat down on the couch. 

Tommy tried to argue, but when Paxton told him it wasn't his apartment, and that he really had no word there, Tommy stayed silent. 

They switched the news, and now they're listening to music and smoking. 

Devi talks to Ben in texts, he's stuck with his uncle in Williamsburg. Stuck is a big word, Ben has a room of his own, a work room and a cook in his uncle's house, but Ben says he prefers to be with Devi now, in their apartment, and it warms her heart.

Malia reads Game of Thrones again, sits in the comfortable armchair, folded into a ball that exhales smoke from time to time. 

Tommy draws on his tablet, his tongue peeking out of his lips at a concentration that only appears when he draws. 

Dylan and Paxton are playing cards, and Dylan seems to be winning. 

Paxton thinks Dylan is cheating. 

Dylan knows he's cheating. 

"Look what we found!" The door opens loudly and Trent almost screams with excitement.

Everyone looks at the door, and Miguel holds a young cat, big enough to be on his own, small enough to fit perfectly into Miguel's hands. The cat was gray, with a black ear and bright eyes that looked like blue or green.

Trent held a dog with his belt around the animal. The dog was gray-brown, he was tall as Trent's knee and had fur that made him look like a young lion.

"Oh Who's It" “Who's Good" Malia, Paxton and Dylan call out loud and get up to the dog, gently stroking the frightened animal. 

Devi and Tommy paused for a moment, then approached the cat that Miguel was holding. 

"He's so beautiful!" Malia says and then looked under his stomach.

"She! She's so pretty!" Malia strokes her and calls her a good girl, as she deserves.

Devi went down to four, petting the dog, and so did Tommy, and now they are petting and hugging the shivering animals from the cold. 

“Oh who stinks so much? Who is the smelliest doggy in the world? ” Dylan asks and he could swear the dog smiled at him.

Paxton returned with bowls of water and as the animals drank eagerly, the humans looked at each other. 

"What will they eat?" Tommy asks, still sitting next to the dog.

The group exchanged glances for a moment. 

"Great idea, Miguel and Trent, as always," Tommy said, nodding his head when no one answered. 

"We can ask Mrs. Gillan, she has dogs," Miguel suggested, and the partners looked at him in shock. 

"Do you want to tell me you'll go to Mrs. Gillan and ask her for dog food?" Malia asked. "Mrs. Gillian," she repeated.

"Yes?" Miguel narrowed his eyebrows and there was a shock in the air.

"Mrs. Gillian, who comes out of the elevator when you come in, because she's afraid of getting infected in your sins, this Mrs. Gillian?" Dylan asks now, looking at his partner with wide eyes.

Mrs. Gillan is not a nice person, it's a fact that cannot be disputed. Mrs. Gillan raises two little Pinschers, who bark all night, and when they talked to her about it, she curses and says they deserve it because they all going to hell.

"Maybe not me, but she will agree to Trent, he seems less sinful than me" Miguel tries to move away from his offer. 

Trent saw no problem with it. 

"Sure, she once brought me butterscotch," he said and turned around, without any encouragement or pressure. 

"The balls on this man..." Dylan said, impressed. 

"You want a shower?" Malia asked, stroking the dog who pushed her nose into her hand. "Come on, good girl" Malia says and gets up, leads the dog to the shower, Paxton, Tommy and Devi follow her, Miguel and Dylan stay next to the confused cat, who tries to get under the couches.

The quartet goes into the shower, and it's not that the shower is very big. They stand, unable to move more than a few inches without bumping into each other.

"Okay, one, one stay," Malia says. 

Tommy, Paxton and Devi look at each other, each of them wants to stay next to the sweet dog, each of them realizes that only one of them can stay next to Malia. 

"Go see if there are any blankets they can sleep on," Devi think fast, and it worked, because Tommy goes and Paxton follows him. 

The shower doesn't go easily. The dog jumps, she's scared of the water, and Malia has to hold and pet her while Devi showered the dirty dog. With every drop of water and shampoo, the dirt came off, and instead of brown fur, red hair was discovered, and instead of gray parts, it was white. The dog was thin enough for her bones to pop out, and her tail was long and the girls assumed that when she was dry, it opened like a fan of white hairs.

When the dog jumps from the bathtub to the carpet, the girls don't get a chance to cover themselves with a towel before the dog shakes off and squirts all the possible drops of water on them. Devi and Malia were wet enough from the shower itself, and now they were soaked in shower water.

Malia throws a towel at the animal and the girls sit down on the floor, start rubbing the dog's body. 

"You are so beautiful" Malia's voice is childish as she speaks to her, and she strokes her and lets the dog lick her face with pleasure. 

Devi smiles and continues to dry the fur. 

"You all crazy," Devi says, overwhelmed by it all. 

Malia's smile grew, if at all possible. 

"That's what's good about us," Malia said, talking to the dog more than to Devi. 

Devi smiled, and she was happy at that moment. 

If she could tell 15-year-old Devi that one day she would be part of such a cool gang, that she would date with Ben Gross and that she would be an intern in Harriet & Jones, 15-year-old Devi would not believe her. 15-year-old Devi would be even mad at her, thinking it was a damn prank.

When the girls finish and release the dog to the apartment, they follow her for a bit, watch her smell rooms, smell the people. 

"Come on sweetheart we have food for you" Paxton says and rattles in a bowl full of dog food. 

The cat, sitting in Miguel's arms, receives personal feeding from him. 

"I can't believe you went to Mrs. Gillan" Malia says and watches the dog smell the food long before she tastes it. 

"She didn't give me anything, that old witch," Trent said from his seat on the couch, watching the dog. "Mr. Schwartz gave me cat food and said it's okay if the dog eat it, especially if they need to gain weight like this little one," he says, not looking away from the ginger-haired dog.

"What are we calling them?" Tommy says and Miguel glances at him.

"Trent and I name them, you didn't want them here at all," Miguel says sharply. 

Tommy raises his hands, signaling that he doesn't intend to fight over it. 

Miguel picks up the cat, looks him in the eye. 

"His name is Harry," Miguel says, running a finger between the cat's ears. "Trent, you get the dog" he adds and goes back to feeding the cat.

"Oh shit," Trent says, searching in the depths of his mind. "Jessica?" He asked, but didn't seem sure.

"No," Dylan shakes his head, reaching for the dog approaching him, now that she's done eating. 

“What about Nina? Like Nina Simon? ” Malia says, listening to Nina Simon's voice coming out of the TV.

Trent nodded. 

"Nina" he decided and when Dylan called her by her name, her ears went up for a moment, as if that was really her name. 

Miguel gently place the cat next to the dog, letting them meet each other again. 

For a moment, the whole bunch looks at the animals who smelled each other. 

"We found them together, they are friends" Trent explained and Miguel nodded.

As Harry climbed onto Nina, who was sitting on the floor and leaning on Paxton's leg, the group held its breath for a moment. 

Then they took out phones, filming the perfect moment. 

\---

"I wish I was in high school now," Dylan says, getting a judgmental look from everyone in the living room. 

After a long night, in which the cat cried in Miguel's hands for hours, and the dog snuck into Malia's room and slept between the girls, receiving pats and kisses, they sat in the living room, Miguel, Malia and Dylan, watching the news. 

"Why?" Malia asks and her face is confused. "Forget the fact that you're on a weekend, and there's no school anyway, you get to don't get up in the morning for work."

"But they say it will drag to tomorrow as well, and you want to say you don't miss the feeling of getting up in the morning, and finding out that there is no school today?" He said, his eyebrows raised, examining her.

"Yeah" Malia says after she thinks about it. 

The three pass switch channel, watching clips in MTV. The apartment stinks of cat food and dog urine, and Dylan loses his head very quickly in a dirty environment. None of them thought for a moment what they would do in terms of animal pooping, and Malia, Miguel and Trent tried their best, with bleach and soap, but the smell stuck to the animals themselves and to the fabric, and Dylan was so close to kicking the animals, sad as they might be, out the door.

Instead of doing so, Dylan goes to his room, a territory he didn't allowed any animal to cross. Miguel and Malia stayed, staring at the television, each stroking a different animal.

"I wanted a cat so badly," Miguel tells her, his hand not leaving the furry creature. 

Malia smiles at him. 

"I know," she says, running a careful finger over the little cat's head. She's never been a cat person, but she had no problem with them and she even liked little Harry. He can't compare to Nina, who follows her everywhere, but he is adorable.

"I wish Dylan loved them," Miguel says quietly. 

"He loves them, he just has a hard time with smell, you know him" 

"Yes" his thoughts drift off for a few quiet moments. "I think I want to become monogamous with him," he adds after a long silence.

Malia turns her face to him, an expression of astonishment on her. 

"Oh my" Malia begins, trying to hide her great excitement, "God" she finishes and they both smile.

"Yes," Miguel nods, his long, straight hair moving elegantly around his head. 

"So he's the one?" Malia asks, her eyes opening and her eyebrows moving, hinting.

Miguel blush and nods. 

"Shit, I'm so happy" she says, and the dog starts wagging her tail happily. "I didn't know I needed this news so much" She smiled contentedly.

Just before the animals arrived the group was sad and depressed, Trent didn't understand what was happening to Miguel, who struggled with questions about his relationship with Dylan, who didn't understand why his partner looked at him with such a puzzled look, Paxton was distant every time Devi was around, and she in turn tried to disappear into the background , Malia, in pain, tried to get away from Tommy, who in response agreed to her, moves to sit farther away when she arrives, trying to get out of her way as much as possible. 

But then Miguel and Trent made everything better and brought a cat and a dog to the apartment, and since then the smiles have not left their faces, not even Dylan's, annoyed as he may be. Tommy and Malia get along because they are both giddy with love for Nina, Paxton and Devi volunteered to clean up the horror scene the hallway became, full of pee and poop, Miguel realized Dylan may not like animals, but Dylan loves everything Miguel loves, and that's enough for him, and Trent was just happy to see his friends get along once again.

Paxton, who slept on the couch until Nina woke him up with licks, exercised in the hallway for the last hour, and Trent woke up now, making himself herbal tea. 

"Morning," he says as he enters the living room, sitting down next to Malia. 

The two hum to him, and Miguel goes back to stroking the cat, Malia goes back to browsing Instagram. 

"The rain hasn't calmed down," Trent says after a few minutes, looking at the flooded porch. During the night the rain calmed down a bit, and the winds were stronger, but now there was thunder again, and the rain got stronger with each passing minute. "I miss the outside world a little bit," he adds.

"You've gone through 2020 quarantine, you can go through that, too," Paxton says, entering the living room sweaty and red. 

"Do you remember the quarantine party we did?" Trent asks him, and with every word, his hand sneaks behind Malia's back.

"Zoom party" Paxton says and nods, drinking water eagerly for a moment and continuing, "Remember Marcus, getting up from his chair and reveal that he is only wearing a shirt, no underwear?" 

"Sure, they say this pic still passing between horny teens" Trent laughs, and he manages to hide his hand, which brings Malia closer to him. 

Trent was attracted to Malia from the moment he met her, and never gave it a place to grow. He broke up with his ex, Jessica, six months ago, and since then he couldn't control his dick around Malia, with her cropped pajamas tops and those big eyes, almost asking him to do something. For the past two months he has finally taken it a step further, and Malia let him kiss her and feel her, and she even sucked him once, but they never had sex, proper sex. Malia always told him she didn't want to hurt him, and that if he put emotions into it, she would get out, and fast. But Trent reassured her, he told her they were friends, and he would always love and care for her, but he won't develop those feelings, he promises. She's just doing it to him.

So now she lets him bring her closer to her, and she almost leans on him now. Malia doesn't look away from the screen, and when Paxton goes to take a shower and Miguel is busy talking to the cat, Trent plants a kiss on the back of her neck, breathing in her scent.

Malia clears her throat, surprised, but not moving. She turns her head and exposes her long neck, letting Trent's lips kiss her and bite her skin gently. She takes his hand that wraps around her, pulls her and places it under her hands, making him wrap her.

Trent understands the hint, and clings to her, his lips not coming off her shoulder. 

The noise of Malia's movement causes Miguel to look up from the cat and look at them. He knows that Trent, his best friend, has spent a few nights with Malia, and Miguel thinks to himself that they will be good to each other, Trent will care and raise Malia to the skies, and Malia will take care of him and show him that he can do more than be a nightclub guard.

"Get a room," he tells them, his face disgusted, but it's just an act. 

Trent laughs and when Malia looks at him, he nods. 

The two get up from the living room to stop in the hallway.

Devi sleeps in Malia's room, Tommy sleeps in Trent's room, Dylan in his room and Paxton in the shower. There is no room available in this place, and Malia's shoulders drop.

"Too many people," Trent says and sighs, looking at Malia leaning against the wall in front of him. 

"Never mind," she says, and Trent wants to yell at her that it's awful. "We'll have to wait a bit," Malia adds.

Trent smiles. 

"Okay" he says and takes one step, and now he's almost close to her leaning body.

Trent comes a little closer when she stay silent, his face hovering for a moment on her face before he presses his lips to hers. 

Malia doesn't resist, opens her mouth and tastes the mint from the tea, the remnants of the smoke from the joint, and they hold nothing back, Trent kisses her passionately, he has wanted her for so long, and she has never kissed him like that. Malia kisses him urgently, in despair, releasing the anger and pain and fervor she has.

She knows she wants someone else to be in front of her, she knows she would prefer that instead of Trent's short bristles she would prefer Tommy's smooth skin, his curls instead of Trent's gathered hair. She almost stops herself when she thinks about it, because she knows it's not a good thing to do, be with one person and think about another. But it's Malia's time to think for herself, it's her time to take something from someone.

Trent's hand is sent to her waist, and he presses her to him. Malia can feel his erection, pushed to her thigh and she smiles under his lips.

Trent smiles too, and now he doesn't kiss her, his hand moves to her ass, squeezing it tighter and Malia releases a moan, which she didn't mean to be so strong, she swears. 

But the moan was **loud** , and they giggled at each other's skin. 

"Soon" she tells him and he nods into her neck and plants another kiss there. 

Malia laughs, her hand pulling him back and pushing him away from her. 

He leans against the wall in front of her and his eyes run over her body. 

"How do I come back like this?" Trent finally asked with his hand cupping his hard cock. 

Malia shrugged. 

"Sorry" she told him and came closer, hung a short kiss on his lips and after she got a smile from him, Malia went back to the living room. 

She sits back in her regular place, at the end of the couch, and tries her best to ignore Miguel's inquisitive gaze. 

Nina woke up from her sleep on the blanket next to the TV, and walked slowly to Malia, resting her head on her feet. Malia stroked her fur and tried to figure out what the clip on TV was now, but Miguel has been laughing to himself since she sat down.

"What" she tells him and his laughter intensifies for a moment. 

"No rooms, huh," Miguel says. 

Malia nodded. 

"You need a cock, Mali. Go wake everyone up and shout it, you need a dick in you and you can't wait much longer” Miguel said, blunt as usual.

Malia is silent and continues to roll, blushing slowly. 

"You need a cock, and that loud moan just makes it clear," he continues. 

"Shhh" Malia tries to silence Miguel. "You heard that?" She asks after he stops talking.

Then Miguel bursts out laughing loudly and rolling, he can barely hold Harry in his arms, and he tries to stop laughing, but he just can't. 

Malia says nothing, just blushes and smiles to herself. She leans forward to roll a joint and her ears taper when she hears a door open from the hallway and then a quiet talk.

"God, give me strength" Malia whispers to herself, and it does not matter that she don't believe in God, she needs strength to look people in the eye from now on. 

Paxton comes out of the shower and steam comes out with him, and Malia is unsure who goes into the shower right after him, closes the door quickly, but she has a guess. 

Paxton is wearing a thick sweats, dries his hair with a pink towel and stands behind the empty armchair. 

"Good moan" he says to Malia and his expression was a mere appreciation. 

Miguel bursts out laughing again, Paxton laughs and Malia lowers her head, covering it with her hands.

"I'm not kidding," Paxton says, laughing out loud for another moment. "Really professional, did you take a course?" He asks and makes Miguel's laugh stronger, almost falling off the couch. 

"I'm sorry," Miguel says, wiping a tear of laughter from his eyes, continuing to laugh out loud.

Malia finally raises her head. 

"Shhh" she tries to silence him again, slapping him. It was only when there was concern for Harry the cat that Miguel finally stopped laughing and calmed down, taking a deep breath.

Paxton continued to dry his hair, and to Malia he looked like Nina, moving his head from side to side and letting his curls drip small drops of water all over the world. 

Trent walks into the salon now, seems to no longer have a hard-on and he realsed his hair. He sits in an armchair with Paxton standing behind him, and Paxton pats his shoulder, knowing.

Malia lights the joint that rolled and leans back, puts an episode of Family Guy on TV, ignores what's happening. 

But from the moment she walks away from Trent in the hallway, Malia feels guilty. Not very, not too much, but guilt enough to not stop thinking about it. While Trent kissed her, she kept thinking of Tommy in his place, touching her in his place. Malia is sure that for Trent, it comes just from being horny all day, but it's still bad, to think of someone else. She felt so good when he touched her, his hands strong and grasping and owning her -

No.

Malia don't let herself do it again, think too much about things and then miss them. Trent does it out of boredom, Malia does it to get over Tommy. She deserves to be a little selfish, just a little.

And with that thought she transfers the joint to Paxton who settled down next to her in the meantime. 

An opened door was heard and after a few moments Devi emerges from the hallway and knocks on the shower door. 

"How long it gonna take?" She asks and the door opens, Tommy gets out of there and Devi comes in quickly.

"Morning" Tommy throws into the room and goes to the kitchen, lingers there for a while and returns with a large cup of coffee. 

"New rule," he says after sipping his coffee. 

Everyone is looking at him in anticipation. 

"When we're all here, I mean all seven of us, no one having sex," he says and his eyes don't focus on the face in the room, running from point to point. 

"I may have already broken it a few times," Dylan says, emerging from behind Tommy who was startled for a moment. 

"Does that include masturbation?" Trent asks, raising his hand.

"And if there's only six people, is it ok to have sex?" Paxton asks and turns to look at Tommy.

Tommy sighed. 

"No, just, no sex that wake me up in..." Tommy looks at his cell phone, "Eleven AM" he says, tired of his friends. 

"No one had sex" Malia said and her eyes jumped to Miguel, who smiled, but said nothing. 

"Don't start with me, you" Tommy says, and he seems angry, but not enough to sound hostile. He sits down on the small sofa and picks up the joint from Miguel's free hand.

"Fuck you" Malia tells him and offers him a compromise smile. 

"No, you see, there's a new law in the house, I can't do this" Tommy sounds like the petty boy he is, and they laugh for a moment, but Tommy can't find his position on the couch, and the joint makes his heart beat faster. Or it was the coffee. In any case, he is uncomfortable, and he blocks with all his might very dirty thoughts about the groan that woke him up.

\---

When the evening come, the rain becomes weaker, and all that is left are strong winds that shook the windows in the roommates' apartment. They sit around the round table in the living room and bet on when they take down the restrictions.

Paxton, Malia, Dylan and Trent think they will be back to normal tomorrow morning, Tommy, Miguel and Devi believe the roads will open tonight. 

"Sorry, but we're all wrong," Devi says and she shows you an article on her cell phone. 

When they look at her, not even trying to read, she sighs. 

"The storm is expected to move towards Middletown towards the morning, returning to normal officially tomorrow evening, the municipality will close streets to clean up after the storm and assess damage" she concludes to them and they are humming in response. 

"Lucky to have you, you news reader" Miguel tells her with a warm smile. He wasn’t sure he liked Devi at first, but now, after being stuck with her at home for two days, he even really loves her. She's really funny, and she has balls like a bull, and a sharp brain. He felt comfortable next to her, and that means a lot to him.

They continue to watch Family Guy, and Devi look at the people next to her. 

She keeps coming back to it, to the fact that a week ago she didn't know any of them, and now she feels closer to them than ever. Her eyes jump from Malia caressing Nina, to Trent sitting next to her, Devi heard from Miguel what happened in the morning, and the truth is she can see Trent and Malia becoming a power couple, it could totally happen, she ships them. Tommy is sitting next to Trent, his gaze continuing to jump between the TV and the floor, all day. He was like that since the morning, pensive, confused, not 100% with them. Miguel sits next to her on the small sofa, the cat sleeps between them and Dylan sits on the armrest, wrapping his partner in a muscular hand. Devi's eyes reach Paxton, and she's surprised when she finds out he's been looking at her, probably for a few minutes.

Paxton smiles a tiny smile at her, and Devi smiles too. 

He signals to her in his head, get up, come with me, then get up and go down the hall. 

Devi hesitates for a moment and stand up at the end, trying, without success, not to see the examining eyes of the whole bunch. 

There is no privacy in this place. 

Paxton folds his hands when she arrives, and he leans with one shoulder on one of the walls. 

"You like them?" He asks when she's close enough to him.

"I love them" Devi answers him. "More than I expected," she adds.

Paxton is smiling now, and his eyes are good, calm, still full of defenses, but happy. 

"Sorry for what I said, I'd be happy if we'll be friends," Paxton says after a few moments. 

Devi nods. 

"Me too," she tells him. 

Paxton stop leaning against the wall, and now his hands wrap her in a short hug. 

"Welcome to the gang, bitch" he tells her, and for a moment he wonders if she'll get it. 

Devi laughs. 

"I'm already an honorable member, whore," she replies, and they both laugh for a few moments, and return to the living room. 

Devi knows it's not right for her, to remain a friend of a man she was so in love with, that she is thirsty for his touch, but she also knows that she will not find such friends again, even if she searches for a hundred years. She also knew she would get anything that would keep her close to him, and not hurt Ben, because hurting Ben, means hurting her best friend in recent years, the person with whom she shared the best and worst moments, her first times, the important events.

And that's not what Devi wants to do. 

-

As night falls, Trent catches Devi in the kitchen, after trying to talk to her all day. 

"Hey, do you mind sleeping tonight in the living room or with Tommy?" He asks and Devi frown.

"Why," she says, feeling silly for a moment. 

"I want to surprise Malia" Trent says and yeah, Devi knew it. 

"What about the new law?" 

"There was no agreement on the law," he says with an arrogant smile. 

Devi smiles at him. 

"I'll sleep on the couch, tell Paxton to sleep with Tommy?" She says and pours herself water.

"Sure, thanks," he says, patting her on the back, a bit harder than Devi expected, and she pours water all over the counter. 

Trent leaves the kitchen, leaves Devi to clean the water, and goes to Malia's room. He tidies up the messy room, stretches the sheets and puts all the clothes in one basket.

He lights scented candles that was scattered around Malia's room, gifts she has received and those she has bought, Malia loved scented candles, and now the whole room is lit in warm light and smell like a LUSH shop.

Satisfied with himself, Trent walks out into the living room. 

Malia, Devi, Tommy, Dylan and Paxton watch TV, high and smiling to themselves. 

'Sleep with Tommy tonight' Trent text to Paxton, and when Paxton receives the message, Tommy peeks, like he always do.

Paxton lifts his thumb and nods for a moment before returning to the show they see. 

Now, Trent didn't know how to do it. Just tell her out loud to come? Text her? Tell her quietly? In any way, everyone knew what they were going to do, and he didn't need to be judged for being horny.

He returns to Malia's room and sits down on the bed. He texts her a short 'come' and hopes it's enough.

When she opens the door after a few minutes, they both smile like rebels. 

"What about the law?" She says, but sits down next to him, letting his hands wrap around her. 

"I'm a rule breaker, baby," Trent says and kisses her, and Malia is ready for it. 

Almost. 

“why the candles?” Malia asks, knowing it's not something he do for one time thing. 

“it's our first time it's gotta be special” Trent said and that not the answer she wanted. 

“Trent” she whisper when his hand climb up her thigh. “Nothing changed”

“I know, babe” Trent reply. “I just want to fuck the hell out of you” he whisper. 

Yeah, that's enough.

They kiss passionately, just from the point they stopped before, thirsty for touch and warmth from each other, strong hands and soft lips. Trent picks up Malia's shirt and reveals light brown skin, smooth and silky on her sharp curves. He kisses her breasts and now she climbs on him, sits on him and he clings to her, his hands release her bra and his mouth grabs her nipple in an instant, hurting her until she moans again, in a controlled volume.

"Trent" she says quietly as she feels his erection being pushed towards her through his sweatpants. Malia rubs him now, making him moan for her.

She stands for a moment and takes off her pants and panties, and for a second she feels too self-conscious, too insecure in front of Trent, built like a boxer, she felt her round body would not live up to his expectations, he never seen her completely naked. 

But Trent takes off his clothes quickly and sits down again, pulling her towards him. He lay down beside her, his eyes hungry, wanting to see every inch of her now, and he regretted the candles a little, for now he saw only light and shadow and warm pieces of skin. Trent wraps her arms around him again and turns her, now she is lying on her back, his hands still holding her, one hand on her waist, the second hand around her back. He kisses her again, and his lips can't stay focused, as he tries to get his hard cock into her. When he succeeds, he is not gentle for a moment. He fucks her fast, pushes and goes and pushes again, not giving her a second to get used to the dick that entered her, or a moment to enjoy it.

Malia will not give it a hand. If she has rebound sex with someone, it should be good.

Malia moves away and turns him around, and now she's on him, she sits on him slowly, letting him feel every inch in her. Trent moans loudly, and she rests her hands on his hard chest and fucks herself on him, slowly, sensually.

Trent grabs her waist with one hand, with his other hand crushing a piece of her ass, moving her slowly as she demanded, harder than she could do on her own, he bounces her on his cock and watches her breasts jump as he pleases, her neck stretched as she rests her head back, eyes closed. He can't close his eyes, her breasts mesmerizing him.

Trent doesn't hear the door open, nor does Malia. Light illuminates a distant spot in the room, and as Tommy peeks inside, Malia's body fills his eyes and that's all he could see. He looks at her like a deer caught in the spot lights, and when she opens her eyes again and bends over to kiss Trent, she sees him and stops to move for a brief second, just for a moment. Because Trent doesn't even notice that she's looking at Tommy now and keeps moving, fucking herself on Trent's cock and her eyes interrogate Tommy's confused expression. She runs her hands over Trent's strong body and when he grabs her left tit, she comes to her senses.

"Fuck off!" She says loud enough for Trent to look at what Malia is looking at.

Tommy closes the door and walks away quickly. He's dying to get out of there, he's dying to go anywhere else, he needs to get away from this place, but he's closed in this place because no other place in town is open now, and when Tommy comes to the living room, Devi and Paxton look at him with a questioning look.

Tommy sits down in an armchair and closes his eyes, running a hand through his hair. 

"But you knew they-" Paxton begins and Tommy raises his hand to stop the sentence.

From the moment Paxton told him he was sharing a bed with him tonight, Tommy knew. He knew they were going to have sex, despite the new law at home, even though Malia was still in love with him. he thinks. That she was in love with him, he thinks, he is no longer sure of anything.

"You can't cock block her forever" Paxton continues and Tommy shakes his head. 

"Clearly I'm not" Tommy defends. He tries to hide the image floating in front of his eyes, Malia by candlelight, her skin sweating and moving at her decision, in a way that Tommy has never seen her move, sensual and hot.

"It's good, things will be clear between you if she's with someone else," Devi says, being silent until now. 

"Yeah well, why it have to be Trent, and why now" he argues. 

Devi and Paxton exchange glances. 

"It's a good thing," Paxton says once again. 

Tommy has no time for this bullshit. 

He goes to Trent's room, and almost wants to ruin his room, but decides it doesn't even matter. Nothing happened, and in the room next to him fucks two of his good friends, and it doesn't matter to him at all.

Maybe it really is good thing, that Malia moving on, that she is no longer stuck on him. It's a good thing.

He closes his eyes and places a hand on his half-hard cock. Malia's body rises before his eyes, naked, full, beautiful.

Tommy opens his eyes, shakes the image+ and turns to the wall, staring at the white. 

That's a good thing, Malia goes on and she'll be able to go back to being his bro, and that's all Tommy has wanted lately, that Malia go back to being the reason he doesn't completely give up on the opposite sex. 

But when he falls asleep, he dreams of her breasts, and instead of Trent's hand, he sees his tattooed fingers crushing her flesh. 


	4. That's On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit of fast forward

A week has passed since the storm.

In that week Malia, Miguel and Trent took the animals to the vet, and officially adopted them, and the pets got all the vaccines they needed, managed to gain a little weight, and Nina even learn to pee only outside.

Malia and Trent never slept together again. Malia said he was great, but she couldn't do it, she didn't explain and Trent didn't ask. He marked his V on her, and now he can listen to her again, instead of imagining reaping her clothes off. He found another girl to sleep with, then another, and another. Malia didn't mention the accident (you know, watching Tommy while she's with Trent) again, not even to Paxton, though he had heard it all from Trent or Tommy, she didn't say a word on the subject.

Tommy couldn't erase her body from his memory, nor could he look her in the eyes. Tommy started drinking more, he was at the bar already several times this week, crashing on his bed (thanks to Paxton) without being able to think more, he smoked more every day, finishes a joint and starts another one, just to give his brain something else to focus on. To his job at 'Rockstar' he came a little drunk, and smoked at every break he had.

Paxton has not yet been mentioned as the music editor on the morning show, and everyday it happened, Paxton felt a little more disposable. It didn't help that Devi and Ben demonstrated a healthy relationship before his eyes. He hasn't seen Ben too much in the last week, but yesterday, Friday, Ben had no more excuses to why he can't come, and he arrived with Devi, her hand not leaving his leg, she laughs and focus on him. Paxton doesn't want anything with Devi, he knows he's not, at least not now, but he feels 17 again, watching them in the corridors and hiding the jealousy deep inside his heart.

For Devi it felt different. When she was 17 she was in love with Ben, she all about the first person who slept with her, looking at him with loving eyes. Now it's not like that. Now Devi notice she's thinking about other things when he tell her about his day, how when they cook in their kitchen, she gets mad when he tell her how to do things, when they are between the sheets, Devi doesn't think of Paxton, she is not imagining him in front of her, but deep-deep inside her, she knows she prefers it to be him, she knows Paxton can make her forget any person in the world when he touches her.

But they are friends. They now see that they can get along if they are not together, and even though it is loaded with tension, they get along. Paxton tells about his travels around the world and Devi listens to him, swallows every word, and then they talk about their dreams, and Devi says she wants to be a judge someday, and live in a big apartment on the tallest building in New York, and Paxton looking at her with his big brown eyes, and say he just wants to be happy.

Miguel and Dylan stopped looking for people to get into their relationship. They don't talk about it out loud, nor do they say that word, but Miguel knows he will never love anyone as much as he loves Dylan, and stops looking for other people, and Dylan was into it only because Miguel was, so he has no problem to stop looking at other people.

Now the group is about to meet at the roommates' apartment. Dylan's plug got them a premium weed, and Paxton and Tommy stopped at the ATM.

"Give me the money, now" Paxton and Tommy hear, and as they turn around they see a man with a sock hat on his face and a gun in his hand.

Paxton is trying to figure out if he has any chance of getting out of it without giving the money, but the gun is already in place, but the man cocking the gun now, Paxton really doesn't know if he can do it. Tommy is standing next to him, and he can feel his friend shake, Paxton know Tommy's gonna vomit.

"Here, here" Paxton says and slowly hands him the money, one hand outstretched, one hand up, showing nothing in it.

The second the man snatches the money, he runs away.

He can't do anything. He can't help or contribute to anything, Paxton hates feeling weak. Paxton hates feeling unimportant. Paxton is angry with himself and with the son of a bitch that dared to threat them and steal their money, Paxton is angry at his legs for not functioning, once again, disappointing him in real time, Paxton is angry at Tommy -

Tommy.

He turns to see his friend leaning against the alley wall, hugging himself and shivering, paths of tears on his face. Paxton saw Tommy cry a few times, and each time there was a gun involved. One night in college, after his course came back from paintball as a bonding experience, Tommy told him that his adoptive father threaten him with a gun when he came back after curfew, or when he was rude, or just asked for something and that the gun got into his nightmares everyday, making him wake up screaming, and then come in front of him again, when his 'dad' beat him for making noise in the middle of the night.

Paxton is slowly approaching him now.

"Tommy" Paxton says quietly and Tommy shakes his head, as if answering a question in his head. "He's gone, everything's fine now" he told him and Tommy kept shaking.

Paxton puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes it, and Tommy begins to breathe slowly.

"Let's go" Tommy says after a few minutes, when breath returned to him, but the tremors didn't stop.

Paxton hesitated, but followed.

Tommy walked until he reached the apartment of the roommates, and every other step he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to control himself. He fails, and the muzzle of the gun continues to rise before his eyes. As they enter the elevator Tommy stretches his arms and legs, trying to stop the shivering, and when they exit the elevator, he clears his throat.

"Someone bring me weed," Tommy says as he enters the apartment and checks on those present.

Malia starts rolling and Trent keep playing with Dylan on XBOX.

Paxton came in and slammed the door behind him, and it seemed that Tommy had stopped shaking now that Malia was passing the joint and a lighter, eyes looking for an explanation.

"Tommy, you good?" Paxton asked for a moment, and when Tommy nods at him, but doesn't look at him, Paxton nods too.

Tommy's fine, and that's not thanks to Paxton either, so he leaves the apartment. He feel the walls closing on him in the hallway, and when he presses the elevator and it doesn't come, Paxton loses it for a moment.

He eventually bumps into the wall, with a shout from deep in his lungs. If he saw this man a moment before he could get out of it, they could get out of it, and Tommy wasn't had to smoke all the weed in the world to get better. If his feet and hands hadn't betrayed him again, he could have chase him and defeat him.

Fuck this shit.

Paxton need to feel strong, now. He needs to know that he has more than this, that he can still do something with things. He walks without noticing, and now he's near the cafe, and he doesn't know what he will do there exactly, but it turns out that his treacherous legs have another idea, and he keeps walking, until he's in another building and he can't even wait for the elevator, he climbs the stairs the top floor, and knocks on the door.

"Hey," she says.

Paxton looks at her figure, her blond hair is long, her eyes are blue and big, she looks almost like an anime character, and her lips are pink and bold. He says nothing to her, he simply approaches and kisses her, pinning her to him.

The girl, Jane, pulls him towards her, brings him into the house and closes the door. She was waiting for Paxton to come back to her, he was here last week and hasn't responded to her seductive texts since.

"Where were y-"

"Shhh" he silences her and kisses her neck again and leans against the wall, his pelvis stick out, and he crushes her ass between his hands, presses her to him, gets a small moan as he puts a hand under her shirt.

But not why he is here.

Paxton grabs her shoulder and signals to her, and she understands. She goes down, her knees landing on the floor, her eyes looking at him from below as she opens his belt, not taking her eyes off him.

"Can I?" Her voice is childish, and Paxton doesn't care for it, but he nod and grabs her blonde hair, pinning her to his crotch.

"Sure, baby," Paxton says, taking a hand off her hair, taking off his pants and exposing his half-hard cock. "You can have all the cock you want" he tells her and then she puts it in her mouth.

Jane suck hard, with a lot of saliva and loud noises, she flat her tongue on his dick and stroke it with one hand, slow, hard, juicy, and now he is hard in her mouth.

The blue eyes kept his thoughts in the right place, not letting him think for a moment that it was someone else, but when her head bobbing around his cock, rising and falling and licking, she closes her eyes, and Paxton loses it.

He hasn't thought of Devi when he fucks, not since 11th grade. He always was attracted to her, but he's always with girls attractive enough to think about, they were so beautiful and dirty around his cock that it's a shame to think of someone else. But even though Jane was amazing, almost too perfect, he thought of Devi's lips, always red, thick, around his cock, and now he was pushing harder into the mouth, and she was choking for a moment.

She stops, opens her eyes again, and now she maintains eye contact with him, perhaps to warn him, perhaps to see the beautiful man in front of her, and that saves Paxton. He is persistent in her blue eyes, so pleased with the warm body beneath him, the fact that he is in control and strong and finally decides what happens, unlike anything else in his life, in which he is unimportant, small, weak.

When he realizes how strong he is now, how much power he has when she is on his knees for him, he grabs her head and holds her close to him, making her hold his legs tightly, then she release, let him fuck her throat for a moment.

He move out.

Paxton cums on her face, leaving cum trails on her lips and cheeks, then he finally breathes.

As she gets up and licks the drops that have reached her lips, Paxton closes his pants.

"I'm sorry, I have to go," he says, and he knows it's the worst thing he's ever done. He knows that getting a blowjob and then walking is perhaps the worst thing that can do, and still, he turns around.

" ** _What_**?!" She shouts, but it doesn't stop Paxton. "You fucking son of a bitch, how dare you to come her-" she shout as he closes the door behind him.

Yeah, he's not proud of it.

\-------------

After four joints, three XBOX games and a PB&Jam sandwich that Dylan made for him, Tommy is sitting on the couch, high as fuck. Malia next to him, they play a fighting game, and Malia tears Tommy's player apart. Dylan and Miguel left, Trent went to his job as a nightclub guard, Paxton disappeared after they got here. He hasn't yet told anyone what happened, and no one seems to be asking yet, so that's fine. Tommy can handle it.

Malia hasn't been alone with Tommy since the storm. It's weird for her not to be free next to him, she has known him for years, and felt comfortable with him from the first month, but the air is different around them, there is tension and questions and things she doesn't understand, but it can't matter now.

Because Tommy's eyes are dark, and even though he's not looking into her eyes, she can see the fear in him. And she knows Tommy, it's her Tommy, it's Tommy she's loved for almost three years.

"So you wanna tell me what happened?" Malia asks and doesn't look away from the TV.

Tommy should have see it coming.

He shakes his head at her and she grin.

"You sure?" She asks, and now he shakes his head.

Malia smiles to herself and stops the game. She turns her head to him, and he keeps looking at the screen.

"Did something happen today?" Malia asks and Tommy nods for a moment and then finally looks at her.

"We were robbed on our way here," he said quietly, his voice steady, but not for long.

Malia nods. She knows damn well that if there was a gun in the story, Tommy lost it at that moment.

"And the gun was in front of me, I could see into the barrel" he continued, his voice shaking, and Malia puts a warm hand on his hand and squeezes it. "I lost it" he said and she nodded at him again.

"It's okay" she told him quietly and it was his turn to nod.

"I'm tired of almost peeing in fear every time I see a gun," he said and Malia pressed his hand once more.

"It's a sensible response in light of what you went through," Malia says and her eyes seek his gaze.

Tommy sighed.

"Can I stay here tonight?" He looks at her face finally. Malia nods quickly and strengthens again.

"Sure," she says, now wrapping him in both hands.

Tommy regulates his breathing with his head on her shoulder, and he presses her tightly to him. He doesn't know how she does it, how she listens to the problems of the whole world, and when someone asks her what is happening to her, she says that everything is fine. Sometime she look like everything is the opposite of good, and sometimes she expands to a few words, but she never shares what she really thinks, she never cries to others about her sadness. She is always the one that's strengthening, and Tommy's not sure it's healthier.

But now he needs the warm hands that wrap around him, comfort him, so he doesn't want to ruin for himself. He is willing to take from Malia everything she is willing to give, and right now it seems she is willing to give whatever she has.

He cuts off the hug when there is no more fear of tears and this time he leans forward to roll the next joint.

They smoke it quietly, don't play the game, just sit and smoke, looking at the room, or the window overlooking bright New York, even in the middle of the night.

Tommy knows there are people who will call it exploitation, there are people who will say she gives too much, but the fact that there is someone who will always be there, will always want you, comforts him. Even if he can no longer look her in the eye, even if he evades those thoughts like fire. He's trying so hard to forget about them, and it's easy now, when she's not as naked and sexy as she was then, when she's in thick pajamas and just helping him, just supportive.

Malia thinks she was fucked. She realizes with each passing day that Tommy will never look at her this way, he will never think of her as anything beyond a bro. And if that's all she's gonna get from him, that's fine.

Because Tommy deserves someone to love him this way, he deserves someone to love him with blind love, because this kid ate too much shit in his life. From the moment she met him, when Paxton brought him to one of their meetings, assuring everyone he's cool, and Tommy showed up with his little tattoos, curly hair and big blue eyes, she knew it would hurt. This kind of mans don't look at girls like her. Then she was afraid she had ruined everything that day, and Tommy no longer looked her in the eye, not the same way, but he sat close to her so it make it feel like it used to, like before the storm.

When they finish the joint, Malia takes a deep breath and stands up.

"I'll sleep here" Tommy says and she nods at him, not expecting otherwise.

"Good night, Tommy" Malia says and runs a hand to ruffle his hair for a moment. They both smile and she goes to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

As she comes out of the bathroom she sees Tommy lying on the couch, his head to the window and his hands behind his head.

She enters her room she sits on the bed and sighs.

She has no strength to even think about it, it's too much for this hour, or for how stoned she is. She combs her hair and when she looks at the mirror she grimace to herself. Malia always tells herself that she needs to love herself the way she is, big and bold as she may be. But she sometimes loses that belief, and for small moments she cannot look at herself in the mirror. It doesn't last long, her optimism saves her from herself a lot of times.

Malia gets into bed, lies on her stomach and puts her hands under the pillow.

She stares at the wall for a long time, trying to control her racing thoughts, but then there is a knock on her door and she turns around.

Tommy opens the door and looks like a scared kid who had a nightmare.

"Can I sleep here?" He asks and with Malia nodding, her heart pounding inside her, he enters the room.

In a thick sweatshirt he looked thinner, Tommy wasn't built like Paxton or Trent, Tommy was tall and slender, with broad shoulders, the only feature giving him a buff look.

As he lies on the bed, like Malia, on his stomach and his head resting on his hands, Malia realizes how different they are. Her skin was permanently tanned, thanks to a combination of a white mom and an Indian dad, and she was wider than Tommy, or as Lizzo calls it, Malia was Juicy.

"Thanks again" Tommy turns his head towards her and places it on his arms.

"Anytime," she smiles at him. She can feel her heartbeat, and her brain is trying to take control of it without success. "You okay?"

"Yes" Tommy said and his blue eyes hovered over her face. He never noticed the beauty mark she had on the tip of her eye, or that her lashes were so long without any makeup. "I think so," he added after a few moments of silence. He didn't know if he could handle it alone, he wasn't sure he could be alone now.

"I'm here," she told him, wanting to grab his hand to strengthen him, so as not to see his eyes blue and sad.

Tommy moved around, and now he was lying on his side looking at Malia. He doesn't know how she manages to be so strong, he doesn't know how she can forgive him every time, he is not sure how she does it or if she is real at all. Malia is too good to not be imaginary, he never met people that all they do is strengthen and love others. He didn't know there was an option to love as much as she does.

"I know" he told her quietly and she smiled and turned on her side too. They are not too close, and they are not too far, and Tommy grabs her hand with both hands.

"You're always here" Tommy tells her and her hand is getting stronger, to show him it's true, he's right. She's always here for him. Tommy lifts her palm with both hands and lifts it to his head, holding it under his head and closing his eyes.

Malia can feel the pit inside her growing, like a vortex that hurts her chest. She looks at Tommy, who is holding her hand tightly between his head and pillow, and she tries to smile but she can't.

So she closes her eyes and tries to sleep.

\-------------------------

It's been a month since the storm. 

Tommy had a hard month, got his hand on as many drugs as he can find, he doesn't touch chemicals, he's not doing heroin or meth or that kind of shit, but he takes mushrooms on a daily basis, he drinks MD every weekend, and he tries Ecstasy and drinks more than ever. Tommy tries to escape from images that run through his mind, and between one girl and another, he cums and thinks about _her_ candlelit body, round, beautiful, sweet. So instead of letting himself think about her soft skin, he drinks some more. Tommy tells himself that he is not letting himself get used to any of them, switches between the drugs, checks that he doesn't need them, just wanting them. He will never become his junkie mother.

Paxton was finally mentioned as the music editor of the morning show, and walked like a proud peacock for two weeks. He discovered that the white vehicle, which was parked in a double parking that day, belonged to Ben, but he said nothing when Devi mentioned the writing left on their car on their first day in New York. As for Devi, he kept his distance. And with every passing day he looked at her longer than he looked at anyone else, and wanted to get a little closer every time they were alone, or were lying on the couch, smoking and stoned like Snoop Dogg on the 20th in April.

Devi learned to like marijuana, and that's the only thing she's not telling Nalini these days. Devi don't smoke like the rest of the group, she only smokes when they are together, or when offered to her, she doesn't smoke alone and doesn't get up in the morning with a toke, she just enjoys the comfortable feeling the weed gives her when she smokes with everyone. Ben is not so happy about it, but he barely comes to the gang meetings, so he doesn't see her in action. Devi can feel herself getting tired, and Malia told her she looked like corpse when she come over, and leaving later looking alive again. The internship take so much from her power, and she know it's worth it, but it's hard. Especially since she coming back home to a boyfriend she love, but bore her to death, talking all day about how the gang ruin Devi's perfect behavior. Ben doesn't get why she talk and meet with them every day, and it's hard for her to explain, she just know she like those people. 

After Malia wake up to an empty bad after the robbery, she don't talk about it again, Tommy doing the same thing. She try with all of her powers to forget about him, and she know she will be able to do it, but it's so fucking hard. She act normal, talking with him like the bro he want her to be, she cook for them all and joking at the boys when needed, but her mind keep jumping there, now more than ever. 

Dylan and Miguel have decided they don't want to be with anyone else, ever, and Miguel, polyamory from the moment he remembers himself, propose to Dylan on the roof of their building, and when Dylan says yes, the whole gang comes out of hiding and they crush the couple in a tight hug to the sound of 'we all in this together' from High School Musical.

When Tommy is fired from Rockstar, the video game company where he has worked part-time for the past year as a graphic designer, the gang decides to intervene. 

When he enters the roommates' apartment he watches all his friends wait for him. There wasn't smell of drugs in the air, and Tommy is happy he stopped at the bar before he arrived.

"What's going on?" Tommy asks and his eyes run across the living room.

Miguel and Dylan sit together, Trent and Devi next to them on the couch. Malia and Paxton stood first, followed by the rest.

"We wanted to talk to you about something," Paxton says. 

Tommy closes the apartment door behind him slowly. 

"We're worried about you," Malia says, and Tommy can't look her in the eye, like he couldn't in the last month. 

"We think you're over doing the drugs thing, and we are worried," Paxton says, and it sounds like he's practicing it. 

In fact, it looks like an intervention. It looked like his friends were sitting and talking about Tommy, judging his actions.

"What? Since when drugs my problem? ” He says, trying to be funny, but none of them smiled.

"When were you sober this month?" Malia asks.

Tommy did not understand when Paxton and Malia were leading the interventions. 

When he is not answering, Paxton takes a step towards him, but Tommy recoils and move back. 

"You for real?" Tommy doesn't understand.

Miguel and Trent look down. 

They are serious. 

"I'm fine, so if you take your head out of your ass and stop talking to me like a child, I'll thank you very much" Tommy asserts, and now Devi and Malia are also looking down. 

"We care about you, Thomas," Dylan says behind Trent and Devi. 

Tommy's eyebrows jump up. 

"Thomas," he says, laughing in a voice that frightened them all. "I'm fine, and I'm not a child, so go fuck yourself," Tommy says and leaves the apartment, slamming the door behind him in a loud noise.

Silence fall in the living room. Paxton moved a frustrated hand through his hair quickly, Malia leaned against the back of the armchair, her head cradled in her hand.

"That went well," Miguel says, and the six share a sad grin. 

-

Tommy enters Malia's room, slamming the door behind him. 

It's one o'clock at night, and Malia wakes up in a panic from the loud noise. 

"You happy now?" He asks, swaying on the way to her. 

She's lying on the bed, but now she gets up quickly and grabs him a moment before he stumbles.

"What are you even-" she mumble and sits him on her bed, not understanding what he is talking about. Malia stands next to him and leans forward to catch his eyes.

"Are you satisfied?" Tommy asks again, and he grabs her shirt now and brings her closer to him.

"Tommy what are you doing" she asks, her voice steady, but her heart racing. 

"You did it, because of you I'm like that" he accuses her, and Malia is not sure at what, but it's not a good thing. 

Tommy clings to her, his lips pressed to hers, he tastes toothpaste and traces of smoke, and her lips are sweet, as if she's drank sugar water all day. He reaches out and clings to her, he stands up and she straightens up. Tommy didn't expect that she'll feel like that, so soft and warm, he didn't think Malia could kiss him as she kisses now, soft but with a restrained passion, not completely liberating, she is still confused, and so is he.

Malia moves away first, panting and raising her hand to her eyes, rubbing them. 

"What are you doin'?" She asks quietly, trying not to get the wrong conclusions. 

Tommy doesn't move, his eyes still closed and his heart racing, he is shaking and his mind is running far. 

"Tommy!" Malia says aloud, and his eyes open and flare at her.

"You are responsible for it. Because of you I can't fuck anyone, you and your twisted mind, with the excessive worry, and 'We worried about you, Tommy, I'm always here Tommy'! ” He shouts, and it doesn't matter to him who hears him now, he is too drunk to care.

Malia purses her eyebrows and opens her mouth, but Tommy precedes her. 

"You, you the one to blame, I'm doing drugs all the fucking day because of you, trying to get away from your fuckin' sad face, and still ending up here," he yell and now he tries to put his hand on the doorknob, misses it among the clouds of drunkenness in him, and then succeeds.

Malia doesn't know what to say. 

Shock possess her, and there's no words in her mouth. She just wants it not to be real, a dream, a nightmare, doesn't matter.

"Maybe next time you do an intervention, tell everyone it's your fucking fault," he says and leaves, slamming the door behind him. 

\----

"So you're telling me you never pushed a finger in the ass, even when you were young?" Dylan asks, one eyebrow raised almost to his hairline.

"Never," Paxton replies. 

"Never?" He asks once more, and Paxton shakes his head. "Wow, I totally over appreciated straight sex" Dylan looked surprised by the discovery, unable to understand why men don't do it.

"Did you think straight guys put a finger up their ass?" Paxton asked him.

"I should have known I was gay much earlier," Dylan says to himself, completely ignoring Paxton and leaning back in the armchair overlooking the broadcast booth. 

Sitting at the station, Devin had just gotten off the air and they were waiting for the news flash to end to set up the booth for the next program, 'Lunch with Lydia'. Malia is sitting on the couch next to Paxton, but she hasn't said too much today. Dylan assumes it's because of the night before, Tommy woke up the whole apartment with his screams. Malia asked that they won't tell anyone or ever talk about it, so Paxton assumes she's quiet because she cares about Tommy.

Malia is too embarrassed to tell him about it. She was embarrassed to tell him she was to blame for his best friend's condition, she wanted to believe it wasn't true, and she know he can't blame her for his mistakes, but damn, that hurt. It was her stupid crush on him that made him stay away from the gang for the past month, since she looked at him with lustful eyes when she fucked Trent. Her little look made him try to forget it with every drug he found, and the more she think of it, the more she start to believe it's her fault.

Malia disgusted herself and wiped a tear from her eyes before it could fall. 

Paxton notices and wraps her in a long hand and leans her on him. 

"He'll come back to himself, stop worrying" he says and causes more tears to fall from her and stain his shirt. "I'll tie him to my loft if need be, I'll make sure he comes back to himself" Paxton continues to try to comfort her, and he doesn't understand why Dylan lowers his head and turns red.

She takes a deep breath and clears her throat, straightens up and wipes away her tears. 

"Where is Lydia? she start in two minutes," Malia says, her voice still shaking, but she gets up quickly and leaves the room. 

A moment later Lydia enters, and Dylan gets up to the control panel, presses things, slides buttons and connects cables. Paxton entered the broadcast booth and placed another chair next to Lydia, with a low guitar microphone and a high mic for a guest arriving today, Hozier, the one and only, who should arrive in the next few minutes, and maybe it's a problem he's not there yet.

When Malia returns, her eyes red, Paxton not sure if it's because of the weed or the tears, she accompanies Hozier, and a smile of admiration on her face, looks at the tall singer as if she didn't believe he was there, next to her, and talked to her, just a moment ago. 

Lydia goes on air, and Dylan explains to the singer what his microphone is while he adjusts the volume for him, and the singer goes inside. 

"Remind me to kiss Devin for it" Paxton says and the three sit down on the couch again, looking at a guest singer who arrived after Devin begged him for a year. 

"Not even as a joke, Pax" Dylan turn up the volume from the speaker, and now they can listen to the interview. 

Hozier talks about his new album, and Malia finally has a chance to think of something else. She gets excited when new albums come out for singers she loves, it's hard for her when there's no new music that excites her. She makes an evening out of it, smokes and listens to all the songs in order, then reads the lyrics, then sorts out her favorites. She mostly does these evenings with Paxton, last week Devi joined, and once Tommy joined, grumble all the way and then listen to Malia and Paxton talk about the album for an hour, marking good moments and great songs, comparing old songs, symbols. Tommy would listen to all this and laugh at them for being nerds, but he stayed until the last minute, listening to them eagerly.

And look at that, she thinks on him again. 

\---

Paxton went into the cafe and put on the brown apron. 

He was not sure if Tommy would get to work, in the last month the chances were 2 to 5 that he will come to his shift. 

Paxton clean the counter and Tommy comes in, his hair is wild, he doesn't seem to have showered for a few days, he had drak bags under his eyes and his pupils were dilated. 

Tommy doesn't say a word to Paxton, and he evades his gaze, making coffee for a customer for much longer than necessary, making the customer complain and Paxton apologizing on his behalf. 

"What's up, Tommy Boy?" Paxton says as the line clears. 

Tommy looks up slowly, wrinkling his eyebrows. 

"You didn't..." he asks, losing his words. Tommy was sure Malia told Paxton, and if she wasn't, then the rest of the apartment, who must have heard, would tell him. He was sure Paxton was mad at him so he didn't told him anything until now, he was sure he had lost him.

“Didn't what?" Paxton walks up to him now and Tommy step back. 

"It doesn't matter," Tommy said, shaking his head at his thoughts. He is ashamed to say those words, what he did, and what he said. He was ashamed to say he had taken it too far. That he went into the area of hurting Malia, and ran over everything that was in the area like a monster jeep.

"Are you okay?" Paxton asks, and Tommy nods.

He will never admit that he is ashamed of his actions, and if anyone asks, he will deny with all his might. Tommy don't know how to admit his actions, he don't know how to apologize, he never knew, and he won't start now.

"Tip Top" Tommy answers him and smiles at him. 

Paxton knows better than that, he knows his best friend. But it's the most he got from Tommy in the last few weeks, and although even now he doesn't look his best, at least he speaks, smiles. So Paxton lets him be for now, deciding to try his luck later.

For the past two weeks Devi has been coming to Paxton's shifts. 

She sits at the bar, sometimes coming with Ben, sometimes without him, and reading a book when Paxton has to work, or working on her computer at one of the tables. 

Paxton and Devi have managed to maintain a sociable relationship over the past month. They laugh together, smoke together, they tell stories to each other and share thoughts. Paxton knows her better than he thinks he will get to know, and with every word of hers he feels his walls break, he feels the jealousy and anger over Ben take over. Paxton don't let himself think about her when he come on girls, but he always think of her for at least one second, and he will never admit it, but a second later he finish, cum everywhere. He keeps telling himself that it's just memories that feel like emotions, like she said, but they making new memories and the feelings get stronger with each passing minute.

He manages to keep his hands to himself, he doesn't want to ruin it. He has an unexplained attraction to her, he always demands to be around her, he always prefers to talk to her, and he knows it will hurt him later, but now he can see how much fun he has in the depths of ignorance, in the circle of her close (and only) friends.

"Coyote girl" Paxton says as she walks in and spreads his hands over the counter, hugging her for a brief moment. She sits down at the bar and takes her computer out of the bag.

"What's up?" She asks, watching him make her her regular coffee, which is actually hot chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate syrup. 

"I saw Hozier today" he told her, excited, and handed her the big glass. 

"Is he really that tall?" 

"Even taller" Paxton smiles at her. "How was your day?"

"I saw David lose for the first time today," she replied, sipping her hot drink. 

"How was it?"

"Death of a hero" Devi smiles, and so does Paxton.

Devi opens her computer and starts typing quickly, her eyes running on the screen. 

The time passes slowly, Paxton tries to open a conversation, without success, with Tommy, who in return evades him with bad excuses from moment to moment, once Tommy said he needs to clean the toilet urgently, once Tommy said he must go into the dishwasher for a moment, and once Tommy told him he was busy right with customers while making tea for Mrs. Gillan. 

"Thomas fucking Walker, if you don't stop now I'll punch you" Paxton grabs Tommy's hand, who has just returned from a particularly long toilet break and tried to turn around. 

Devi looked away, but couldn't help but listen. 

“What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you losing it? ” Paxton asks as he manages to catch his friend's eyes.

Tommy hesitates. 

"Talk to me, Tommy," Paxton asks, almost pleading with him. 

Tommy swallows the saliva in his mouth and looks down. He can't tell him, Paxton will kill him. He can't tell him, he knows he did a bad thing, he doesn't want to see Paxton give up on him.

"I'll get better," Tommy says after a long silence on his part. "I will get better, I promise, I won't touch anything anymore."

Paxton tries to find the blue eyes once again. 

"What happened to you, Tommy?" He asks, his hand falling off Tommy's shoulder. 

Tommy shakes his head.

"It doesn't matter, I'll get better, I swear" Tommy looks at him now, and their eyes lock. 

Paxton is surprised by his friend's words, and he nods. 

"Promise me you'll tell me someday" Paxton asked and now it was Tommy's turn to nod. 

Paxton pulls him into a tight hug, crushes him in his arms, and Devi, who could not help but look at them now, wiped away a small tear that had escaped her as the boys hugged. 

At the end of the shift Tommy assures Paxton that he is going straight home, and that he is not touching anything on the way, and Paxton nods and remains to lock the place. 

Devi helps him lift the chairs and wash the floor while he counts the cash register and fills the refrigerators. 

"I swear I'm telling Danny you have to get paid for it," Paxton says as he walks into the fridge with a crate of cold drinks. 

Devi laughs and continues to move the wet rag to the floor. 

"I'm telling you, closing assistant, it's kind of a job" he goes on and hear her laughter get louder. 

When he finishes filling the refrigerators he goes to help her, grabs a mop and a wet rag, drags it to the floor that Devi has not yet reached. 

"Don't think I didn't see you shed a tear before," he told her after a few minutes of quiet work. 

Devi stopped and blushed. 

"I had something in my eye" she tried to excuse without success, Paxton knows the truth. 

"You had a tear in your eye," Paxton corrects her.

Devi picks up her mop, aiming it at Paxton for a second, exactly for a second, because a moment later she slips on a wet part. 

Paxton manages to grab her just before she falls on her face. 

He holds her tight and picks her up, she stands on her feet and then realizes how close he is to her. His palm is spread out on her back, his other hand holding her arm.

Paxton feels her scent flooding him once more, letting his heartbeat fill him, and without thinking, he getting closer, wanting to taste her.

Devi push away from him. 

He opens his eyes and sees her looking at him, not understanding what he is doing. She believed they were getting through their awkward stage, she believed they could be friends, she wanted to believe it. She knew she thought of him sometimes, quite a few times, when she was with Ben, and she knew her hands were sweating when he was in the area, but she didn't let it grow, she didn't let herself think about what it means.

She takes a step back, and it's _not_ a good day for Devi, because she's tripping again, and this time Paxton is not fast enough to catch her, and she slips on the wet floor, screaming in pain. 

"Shit" Paxton says and approaches her, bending over. 

"Oh fuck" she shouts and holds her ankle. 

"Can you stand on it?" Paxton thinks fast, looking around.

Devi tries to get up but falls again, a scream of pain in her mouth. 

"Shit" he says again and gets up, picks up the mops and clears the way. 

"Come on" Paxton picks her up with both hands, bridal style, and runs to his car, runs back to the cafe, locks up and gets back in the car. 

Paxton travels as fast as he can through the streets of New York to the nearest hospital. 

Devi keeps saying that she doesn't need a hospital, ice is enough, but Paxton knows that the difference between a sore ankle and a sprain is very small. 

He doesn't think about the fact that she rejected him now, and that she had distanced herself from him as if she never wanted him. He doesn't think about the fact that it hurts him, he only thinks about the fact that his friend was hurt. Paxton filters out all the million calls that Trent, Dylan and Miguel call him, he has no time for chit-chats right now.

When they get to the hospital they have to wait. 

The two are sitting in the waiting room, and Paxton has to listen to her tell Ben that she only helped close the cafe and slip, like she always falls. 

"He's on his way," she tells Paxton as she hangs up. 

Devi's eyes catch Dylan, Miguel and Trent run into the hospital and she turns to Paxton. 

"Did you tell the whole world?" She asks and Paxton shakes his head, not understanding.

When she signals to him in her head about the boys talking to the receptionist, he gets up to them. 

"What are you doing here?" He asks them, and they turn to them, stunned.

"Why don't you answer? where is she?" Miguel asks.

Paxton is getting stressed now, because that's not how one's react to an injured ankle. 

"Devi?" He asks, pointing to Devi sitting on the benches.

"what? No!" Trent almost yells at him. "Malia, where's Malia Das?" He now asks the receptionist, and she types on her computer.

"What happened to Malia?" Paxton asks Dylan, the only one still looking at him.

Dylan blinks a few times before answering him. 

"There was an accident, her sister, she says there was an accident and they, they called her" Dylan stutters. 

Paxton's heart beats fast and his eyes search for a way out, for an escape. 

"She's going in for surgery, you can see her when she comes out of the operating room," the receptionist said and the boys exchanged glances. 

No, no, no, no, please, no. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next episode is my favorite OMG i'm so excited to upload it for my two readers ♥


	5. Hold on,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part one of Hold on, we going home.

Tommy was flying high. 

He promised Paxton that he won't touch these things any more, he promised himself that he won't touch it again, and he didn't. Tommy didn't eat any mushrooms or put substances into his system that Paxton wouldn't agree to, he came home, took a cold shower, ate a toast and fell asleep in front of the TV.

And now, in his dream, he is one moment flying high, one moment he is among the clouds, wet and freezing, but he is happy in that moment. The moment after that, Tommy crashes to the ground hard, sticks and stones hit him and hurt him. He looks up from his place on the ground and sees her, Malia in a white dress, and for a moment he wonders if he's in heaven, because they are in the middle of a forest, but light comes from everywhere. Tommy sees her walking away from him, and all Tommy can do is try to get up, run after her, grab her. He almost can't do it, but Malia notices his attempts and stops, waiting for him. When Tommy reaches for her, he puts a hand on her shoulder and does nothing. Fear paralyzes him, a fear that dulls any other sense of his. He knows that if he speaks Malia will be happy for a moment, but he knows she will be sad later, Tommy knows he himself will be sad, he can feel the sadness that will come, and he knows that after he speaks, there will be no going back. After he speaks, they will have no other option but an unbearable sadness. After he destroy, like he always does, they will have no way of escaping it.

So Tommy continues to stand in front of her, his hand on her shoulder, and the expressionless Malia finally looks into his eyes. The air changes, and the light turns to darkness, he hears crickets and frogs, they are still in the forest, but they are in the middle of the night. He looks back at Malia, and now he raises his hand and strokes her cheek, and the moon shines on them now, big and white. Malia doesn't smile like Tommy, her eyes digging into his blue eyes, and Tommy wonders why her gaze digs into him, he is scared once again, he feels he is going to miss her, he feels she is going to disappear now, he grabs her shoulders tightly, holding her for as long as he can.

She shakes her head slowly twice, and he's not even have the time to be confused, because she's being dragged away from him. She doesn't struggle, but the pressure Tommy feels in his chest is enough for both of them. He tries to run after her, but the wind takes her away from him, something drags her away from him, and he can't run fast enough, he ca **n't reach her** , **he can't catc-**

With racing heart Tommy wakes up on the couch, gasps for air and looks around.

He doesn't understand what is bothering him in the ear at first, but then the phone ring enter his mind, and he looks at the phone.

"Hello" he mumbles, sits down on the couch and leans forward, moving a slow hand between his curls.

"Tommy" is Miguel, his voice shaking.

"What happened, Miguelito" Tommy sighed. Miguel was the only one who answered his texts today, and demanded that Tommy will clean up before he call his Mexican uncles to beat the drugs out of him.

"Are you okay? Sober?" Miguel hesitates, and Tommy can hear the ' _fuck him_ ' Dylan shouting in the back.

"Yes, what happened, Miguel?" Tommy asks again, his heart starting to pound hard. Why did Miguel call and not Paxton? Did something happen to Paxton? Something happened to-

"Drunk driver hit Malia, we're at Saint Joseph" Miguel finally says, his voice weak and Tommy loses his grip on the couch, he slips to the floor, his knees hitting the hard stone.

"Tommy?" Miguel asks, and now his voice is breaking.

"I'm coming" Tommy says and takes the phone off his ear, unable to move for a brief moment and then runs in the small apartment, snatches a jacket from the closet and runs outside.

\---------

Between the faces that ran in front of Paxton's eyes he could see Miguel talking to Devi, Ben running to Devi, he sees Trent hiding tears that crept up on him, he sees Dylan leading him to sit on one of the benches, and then he found himself on one of the floors, sitting in the waiting room With his friends, he didn't know when Tommy got there, and when Ben and Devi joined them, he just knows he doesn't want to be there. He doesn't want to have to be there.

"Where is she?" Paxton hears, and the voice is too familiar for him to ignore, the voice is to similar to Malia, and so does the woman, and for a moment Paxton thinks he is imagining. 

But then he breath and he sees Zoe, Malia's sister. She is two years younger than Malia, and still looks so much like her, with the same brown skin and long black hair.

"Where is Malia?" She asks again, looking directly at Paxton now, who opens his mouth but can't find the words, he himself hasn't heard a word until now.

Ben stands up, the only person who can still say those words, and Paxton manages to hear that she's in surgery right now, she's got internal bleeding and some bruises to her head, and that's all they know in the meantime. 

Paxton sees Zoe sitting, almost collapsing, on one of the chairs. His eyes go over the people next to him, he sees Devi and Ben sitting together, Ben goes back to wrapping her and stroking her hair, she looks worried.

Paxton's eyes go to Miguel and Dylan, holding hands, Miguel wipes away tears every few moments, Dylan closes his eyes and Paxton thought he was praying. Tommy sat farthest from everyone, his leg bouncing and he biting his thumbnail, his other hand wiping away tears or tossing hair from his face. Trent now sat down next to Zoe and he let her cry on his shoulder, he himself seemed trying as hard as he could not to break.

Paxton gets up, wants to talk to Zoe, or Tommy, or Trent, wants to calm them down, but doesn't have the strength for it, and he saved when a doctor enters the waiting room. 

"Malia Das?" The doctor says aloud and everyone gathers around him.

"The surgery was successful, but she is not responding yet" the doctor says and they did not know if they should calm down or not. 

"That means she's comatose right now," the doctor explains after a few seconds. 

Their hearts sank, Dylan wrapped Miguel tucked into his shirt, Devi dug into Ben's hands. 

"I'm sorry, but not all of you can stay," the doctor added. 

"How many," Dylan began, first one to succeed speaking. "How many can stay?" He asked.

The doctor shook his head. 

"Two, but make sure of it in front of the nurses," he said and walks away from them. 

Trent goes to the nurses' station, talks to them, argues with them for a moment, and returns to the group. 

"Two, today, tomorrow only one, and visiting hours start at ten in the morning," he tells them, answering a question that will come. 

They all knew Zoe was staying, and they exchanged glances between them. 

"You can do whatever you want, I'm staying," Tommy said first. 

Paxton wanted to argue, he wanted to tell him that Tommy didn't talked to her in almost a month, he wanted to say that Malia was almost _his_ sister. Trent wanted to do the same, tell Tommy to fuck off, that he had no right to stay.

And Tommy's blue eyes warned them not to. 

"what? After last night ?! I stay,” Dylan said and it was the match that lit the fire.

Paxton, Miguel and Dylan quarreled about who should stay, Trent trying to silence them and say he was the only one to stay. 

"Say whatever the fuck you want, I'm not moving from her ever again," Tommy said, and his voice was dark and serious now. He was ready to fight for it, he was ready to shout and beat if necessary. He stays here, he's not moving away from her.

He can't allow himself to lose her again. 

Tommy turned away from them, following Zoe's path and entering Malia's room, a private room thanks to the expensive health insurance, that Malia's mother forced her to pay and Malia never canceled. He barely recognizes Malia when he looks at her, cuts and bruises on her face and hands, she is hooked up to machines that beep and her eyes are closed. He is afraid to approach at first, Zoe is sitting on the armchair next to her, her head resting on Malia's hand.

As Zoe raises her head and wipes away her tears, Tommy takes a step forward. 

"what are you doing here?" She asks, and Tommy knows Malia is telling her sister everything. Tommy sees the anger in Zoe's brown eyes, so similar to her sister's, and he's afraid to talk. "You shouldn't be here" Zoe says and Tommy agrees with her, but he can't move away from Malia again. Never.

"How did it happen?" He finally asks, his voice shaking. 

Zoe is debating whether to answer him for a long time. 

"Drunk driver" is all she told him. 

Tommy nods and gets a little closer. 

"I didn't..." Tommy loses his words, looking for the ending of the sentence between the floor tiles. 

Zoe almost bares her teeth like an animal when he places a hand on Malia's fingers. 

"I'm so sorry," he whispers, and it's more to Malia then to Zoe. 

"She wouldn't be on this road if not you" Zoe tells him, anger shakes her voice. "She was talking to me on the phone before it happened, she went for a drive to clear her head" she continues, her voice still shaking, threatening to erupt.

Tommy can feel his legs can no longer hold him, he feels his weight crushing him, and he lands on the floor, sitting down on the cold stone with his hand still holding Malia's. 

Zoe is different from her sister. Zoe is the bad bitch of the family, the complete opposite of Malia. Zoe will yell at you and hold a grudge against you forever, she fights with all she got, even with her teeth when she needs to. Malia always the one to calm her down, trying to tell her that it was okay to trust people sometimes, and that it was okay to let people get closer. And Zoe would try, she never succeed, but she tried, just to make her sister happy. Zoe and Malia were best friends, fight and forget in an instant, understanding each other without talking, Zoe would go after Malia everywhere, and the only reason she didn't live in New York now, was because Malia convinced her to accept the job offered to her in Chicago as leading architect of a company. It didn't change the fact that the two were close, and were even closer when they were far away. They would talk every day and when Zoe come to visit, she fit in perfectly with the gang, laughing, talking and smoking almost like Malia.

"Take a chair" is all Zoe tells him, and Tommy goes out of his mind for a moment and raises his head to look at her. 

He feel like he doesn't deserve a chair, he doesn't deserve to sit like a man. He hurt Malia, he hit his best friend, the only woman friend he's ever had. But he didn't dare to not listen to Zoe, who finally didn't say anything that blamed him for her sister condition.

So Tommy gets up slowly, sits down on a plastic chair that was next to Zoe, and sits down. He fold his hands, more hiding them, afraid to touch Malia again.

They sit quietly, Zoe engrossed in her thoughts, her hand not leaving Malia. Tommy looks at Malia, not believing he's here.

He didn't understand how they got to this situation at this speed, how from good friends, slapping each other when happy, sleeping together in the back seat on long trips, they became people who evade each other, not sharing a laugh, Malia become a woman that Tommy was as far away from as possible in the last weeks, afraid of the pictures he had when he was with other girls, leaving her in the middle of the night after she taking care of his fears because he couldn't be so close to her and not think of her body.

The hour Tommy spent waiting for news from the operating room made it clear to him that he had never loved a woman as much as he loved Malia. He was afraid to admit it, she was some kind of a hero in his mind. Malia has been his private light for almost three years, they talked for hours, and she listened like an experienced psychologist. She was encouraging and advising, assuring him he could get through that step as well, and he knew he wasn't good enough. Tommy was never able to hold a relationship, let alone with a woman he idolize. 

And now Tommy know that it was love, not brotherly love, he loved her more than anything in this whole fucking world, and instead of fear about it, he just want to tell it to her, he just need to know she know it. 

"Why you here?" Zoe shoot after a long silence.

Tommy is silent, continuing to look at Malia, looking for an answer, a plea in his eyes.

"I'm not moving away from her again," he tells her, and Zoe doesn't look pleased.

"Maybe you should stay away from her completely" 

Tommy shakes his head.

"No, no I can't" he says and tears suffocate him. "I can't get away from her, she's all that matters now" Tommy almost whispers now, "I'm so stupid, I'm sorry”

Zoe sighs and strengthens her hand on Malia, as if asking her for answers. 

"She's still happy to see you here," Zoe finally says, "I don't understand how she does it, but I know that even though you don't deserve it, she will forgive you." 

Tommy wants to believe that Zoe is right, that Malia will forgive him, but Zoe didn't see Malia's hurt eyes last night, she did not see the tears that flooded her eyes. She doesn't know the intensity of the pain he caused, he is sure of it.

"I hope so" Tommy whispers, barely audible. 

The silence in the room is heavy, burdensome, and by the time he hears Zoe wiping tears from her eyes and pulling her nose, Tommy is unable to say a word. 

"She'll be fine" he told her, wondering if the words were right, wondering if to lay his hand on her.

He decided Zoe would cut his hand. 

"She's going to be fine," Zoe says aloud. "She comes out of anything" Zoe continues, saying aloud the words she has said to herself in her mind so far, and when the words heard aloud, they sound less convincing.

"She met more bears and wolves on her trips than anyone else, and she came out without a scratch, she can do it" Tommy says, recalling a small smile quickly swallowed by the pain. 

"Of course she came out without a scratch. She's like a capybara, no one wants to hurt her," Zoe said, as if it were obvious. 

Except for Tommy, Tommy hurt the Capybara. 

"I miss her so much," Zoe says, her voice shaking with tears. "Since Chicago we barely see each other" she continues and she talks to Tommy, but she is aiming for Malia.

"Not a day goes by without her mentioning you," Tommy says, recalling that Malia treats her sister as the final factor. In movie debates, Malia uses her sister as an argument in favor of the film or against the it, depending on what Zoe says.

"She's the only family I have," Zoe says. 

Malia's mother, Judy, passed away four years ago, and the father was never in the picture, leaving them when Zoe was born. Tommy remembers how Malia talks about her mother, the one and only queen, who taught them both to be strong as panthers, not to break under pressure, not to despair. Malia's mother was both their mother and father, she knew how to keep them short, but also talk to them for hours about their feelings. Judy was a cool mom, one that Malia could tell her she smoked, and Judy got it well, and they even shared a joint in her last weeks, before the cancer beat her.

Tommy doesn't know what to tell her, and he wants to feel useful, and not the only cause for Malia's condition. 

"You want coffee?" Tommy asks after a few minutes and Zoe shakes her head and turns the armchair to the bad, placing one hand on Malia.

Tommy comes out and he doesn't notice that he is shaking until his hand drops the coin he is trying to insert. Tommy takes a deep breath and ignores the tear that falls, picks up the coin and slowly puts it in, presses the correct number and waits.

Maybe he's afraid she'll never be able to love him again, after all he's told her. He's afraid she's going to stay away from him and never let him apologize, he'll never agree to hear her say those words. And he deserves it, he understands that. He realizes that this is what he deserves after accusing her in the last month, accusing her of being a fool who lost everything he loved, his dream job, her image as a friend only.

Tommy doesn't even think about the fact that she's in coma. He doesn't even think about what will happen if she won't wake up-

No, he is not thinking about it. 

\----

Paxton and Devi arrive first, opening the door at exactly ten o'clock. 

"Get the fuck out of here," Paxton tells Tommy. He wants to yell at him, because Dylan finally explained to him what he meant by the words 'after last night'. He wanted to punch Tommy, hurt him, but he didn't do so when he saw the red-puffy eyes of Tommy.

Tommy leaves the room, his eyes buried in the floor. 

Paxton sits down next to Zoe and holds Malia's hand, Devi stands on the other side of the bed, also holding her hand. 

He can say nothing. His throat is choked with a lump of tears that has not been released overnight and he feels nothing but an uncontrollable sadness. He needs Malia here, to tell him that everything will be fine, that it's okay, that she's going to wake up from it because she can go through everything.

But she can't tell him that. So Paxton strengthens his grip and hopes she will wake up from the pressure on her hand.

Zoe leaves quietly, unable to see any more people crying over Malia's body. 

"She'll get out of this," Devi says quietly. 

Paxton needed the stability in Devi's voice, and he releases a tear that is absorbed in the bed sheet. 

"She's going to get out of this, she's the strongest person in the world," Devi says, trying to make him smile. 

Paxton nods and sniffs. 

"She'll get out of this," he repeats after Devi, hoping that saying the words will feel as good as hearing them. 

It's not. 

With each passing second, Paxton's chest pain intensifies, and he does not know what it feels like when part of the family slips out of your hands, but he guesses it feels that way, because Malia is his sister, in any way beside blood. 

"what if she won?" He says barely, and tears take over him, flooding him and flowing from his eyes like flooding rivers.

Devi leaves Malia's hand and walks around the bed. 

"She'll get out of this," she says as she wraps Paxton, standing behind him. 

He is caught in her arms and sobs, holding her tighter than he knew. Devi tries to calm him down with his hands strengthened around him, wrapping his chest around her and resting her head on his neck.

The two stay that way until the tears on Paxton's eyes dry up. 

He tries to relax, get back to himself, and has no more tears to shed, so he releases his grip on Devi slowly, letting her straighten up at last.

Devi puts her hands on his shoulders and squeezes them as the door opens again. 

Miguel, Dylan and Trent enter, hesitant and scared, Dylan and Trent approach the bed quickly, Miguel follows them, more frightened. 

Paxton can't watch them cry either, he doesn't want to see people crying over Malia's body, as if she'll never wake up, as if she won't come out of it. So he got up from the chair, and with the first tear Miguel shed, left the room.

He goes to Zoe, who is talking to a silver-haired doctor. 

"Her brain is still not responding to anything, and we hope she will show signs of cognition or brain activity in the next days," Paxton hears the doctor say, and it looks like he wants to add 'otherwise,' but stops himself.

Paxton has seen enough seasons of 'Scrubs' to know that if a patient doesn't wake up within a few weeks, chances are he will stay in coma for a long time. 

Zoe nods, her face worried, scared.

"Don't loose hope, your sister fought to stay alive on the operating table" he tells her and puts a hand on her shoulder, trying to strengthen her. 

It did not work. 

As the doctor walks away Zoe falls on Paxton's shoulder and he wraps her in response. 

He doesn't know how to help her, when he himself feels weaker than ever. He wraps his head in a weak hand and tries to strengthen his grip.

He met Zoe at the first house party in the roommate's apartment. Malia forced them both to talk, saying that if they didn't get along, she would never talk to both of them, and that worked. The two sit together on holidays they celebrated together, talk about music, the only issue they had in common, and over time, Zoe, who trusts no one but herself and her sister, began to trust Paxton, and even consulted with him once about one of her clients.

They stood outside Malia's room, hugging in common pain. He tried to draw strength from her, and Zoe grew up with characters like Judy and Malia, so strength was her default. Paxton knew he would never understand how she felt, what it felt like to lose your soul sister, your only family, but he felt very similar now.

Zoe move away first, wiping away her tears and breathing deeply. 

"You want coffee?" She asks, her brown eyes focus on him.

Paxton nods and she walks away. 

He wipes his tears and clear his throat, straightens his back and his eyes focus on Tommy standing outside the private room. 

"What did you thought to yourself?" Paxton almost shouts, he pushes him with a strong hand, frustration fills him in place of the pain. 

Tommy almost falls off the push, his body is weak and his mind was elsewhere. Devi got up from the bench she was sitting on, but there was no need for it.

"I didn't think" Tommy says simply and it's not good enough for Paxton, but the blue eyes that look at him almost beg. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Paxton I'm so stupid I don't know what to do" His voice broke.

Paxton can see that Tommy is using all his strength in an effort to stop the tears, and Paxton can't help but feel sorry for him. He never seen his friend so raw, he never seen him so miserable, his hair wild, his eyes red, black bags under them and his body shaking unconsciously.

"It doesn't give you the right to be here," Paxton tries to insist. 

Tommy shakes his head.

"I'm not going, I can't go" This is the first time in the last few hours that Tommy's voice is stable. "You can do whatever you want, you can hit me and call security, but I'm not moving away from her," Tommy says, looking into Paxton's eyes at last.

"You'll have to go sometime," Paxton says after a few seconds of silence. 

Tommy shakes his head once more. 

"I'm not leaving here, I can't" he looks down again. "I can't go, Paxton" he almost pleads, and the pain in Paxton grows to the plea in his voice.

"Just... just tell me you know why you acted like a dick for the last monthes"

Tommy look at Paxton for a second and than lower his gaze again. 

"I never had those feelings, " Tommy start and Paxton realize he forgive him with those words. "I didn't know what they are, it was terrifying and new and big... I didn't had a clue that's how it feel" he try to explain.

Paxton nod to him. 

"She'll need an actual apology this time" Paxton says and tilt his head toward the door. "i'm going in" he add and turn away.

When he returns to the room, Miguel is sitting next to the bed, Trent standing behind him, holding his shoulders. Dylan is sitting by the window, his hands clasped, his gaze fixed.

"She's going to wake up before Christmas," Dylan says as Paxton enters, and everyone looks at him. "I'm telling you, she's never going to miss Christmas, she'll die-" Dylan wants to say she'll die before she misses Christmas, but then he realizes it's a possibility, a possibility he doesn't want to think about.

"She'll wake up before Christmas," Miguel repeats. 

Paxton doesn't want to think it is unrealistic, he doesn't want to say that Christmas is in just 12 days, he wants to believe with all his heart that Malia will wake up, and return to the apartment, and be excited to open presents, like the little girl she is. 

Tommy enters the room again, and all the pairs of eyes in the room look at him. 

"What are you still doing here?" Trent asks, his fist clenching over Miguel's shoulders.

"I'm staying here" Tommy says and he feels like those are the only words he can say. 

"Staying? Say thank you I'm not kicking you out of here” Trent says, his voice angry.

Paxton looks up from the ventilator and sees Tommy's hand, holding a cup of coffee, shaking. He turns to Trent and shakes his head, hoping it's enough.

“No, do not tell me to stop! He's the only reason she's here at all, that's why she had to go out, because she couldn't sit in the apartment and think about his fucking face all day" 

"Trent" Paxton says, and the door opens again, Devi and Zoe enter, cups of coffee in their hands. 

"Believe me I know" Tommy finally says, looking up at Trent. "I know, I've heard it all, and I know," he continues, his words swirling in his mind. "But I'm not leaving here" he sounded decisive once again.

"Oh- oh, you are so getting ou-" Trent begins and fails to finish the sentence. 

"I'm not leaving here, I'm not moving from here until she's out with me. You can do whatever you want, you can hit me and curse me and call the police, but I'm not moving from her,” Tommy says, more confident than ever.

"Leave him alone" Zoe's voice was heard. 

Tommy, like the rest of the room, is surprised to hear her say it. 

Trent wants to keep arguing, but the hand on his shoulder tightens, and Dylan signals to him that it's a losing battle, so he's silent. 

Miguel feels a pressure on his hand, and he chokes. 

"She shook my hand!" Miguel says, and lucky that Paxton took the coffee from Zoe, because she ran to the bed, holding Malia's free hand.

Paxton runs out and returns after a few seconds, accompanied by a nurse who approaches Malia, looks at the machines and examines the patient. 

"It's a good sign, but patient in coma can respond to touch and voices, and still not be fully conscious," the nurse says as she pinches Malia's skin in all sorts of places, writing things down. 

"Does that mean she can hear us?" Zoe asks, a hope in her voice.

"Yes, it seems she can hear, but can't respond or doesn't understand the words, but maybe recognize the sounds and noises" the nurse explains and is now getting away from bed. "That's a good sign," she says and smiles at Zoe, then turns around, not before looking at the amount of people in the room.

"No more than three visitors in the room" the nurse adds before she leaves, and the group exchanges glances. 

"I have to start a shift anyway" Miguel says and stand up, holding Malia's hand again. 

"I'll come again tonight," Trent says, and Dylan goes after them, too. 

Paxton took time off from his job, but he too couldn't stay here. He approaches Malia and holds her hand.

“I will come later, Malia. Try to wake up in the meantime” He kisses her forehead and turns away.

Devi stands next to Zoe holding Malia, and Tommy finally approaches, standing on the other side of the bed. 

"She's going to wake up before Christmas," Zoe says, and Paxton wonders if she heard Dylan say that. 

Devi puts a hand on Zoe's shoulder and strengthens her. 

"Just a little more" Devi tells her and Zoe nods, tears falling from her eyes. 

Tommy doesn't want to listen to them, because although he has never wanted anything more than he wants Malia to wake up, he is also afraid of it. He's dying of the fear that she would look at him with her hurt eyes once more, and would never forgive him.

\---------

Devi sits down on Paxton's couch, looking at the little loft while Paxton makes them both coffee.

The loft was small, the bed was on one side, hidden by a divider. Above it was a large window, which illuminated the small apartment in strong sunlight, without curtains, without sunshades. The walls were a red-brick wall, and the floor was wood, and the apartment was surprisingly neat. This is the first time Devi has entered one of the group's room and was surprised at how tidy the place was. The desk with the laptop was neatly arranged, sheets and pencils stood like soldiers, the kitchen was small but clean, and the living room was dust-free.

Paxton and Devi have not talked about their almost kiss since yesterday, they both had more important things to deal with.

Paxton sits down next to her and hands her a cup of coffee.

"Thank's coming" he begins. He asked her in a weak voice, if she could come with him, because he didn't want to be alone, not now. "I feel childish," Paxton adds.

"Don't" she tells him with a small smile. "We are friends, I wouldn't leave you like this" Devi says and puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes her, strengthening him. She only now realizes that they are friends, really friends, which is nice.

Paxton smiles too.

"Thank you" he says quietly and sips long from the coffee, leaning back.

"You wanna watch something?" Devi asks, looking at the big TV in front of them.

Paxton shakes his head and slides down on the couch, his head resting carefully on her shoulder.

"Can we just ..." he tries to think of the right word. "Chill?"

Devi smiles.

"Sure" she says and rests her cheek on his curls.

\-------

A week after the handshake Miguel received, Malia has not yet woken up. 

Trent, Miguel and Dylan come every day, sit with her, demand that she wake up because they don't know how to cook anything but cannabis brownies. They arranged her bedding, brought a printed shirt with the roommates' faces together, an old shirt that Trent had made for their one year anniversary as roommates. Trent received a hand-press, when he told her he was enrolled in the Police Academy, and it was as if Malia was calling him a snitch once again.

Devi arrived, sometimes with Ben, sometimes with Paxton, sometimes alone. Each time she read her news, even though she knew Malia hated news because they made her think about the bad sides of the world. Devi did it just to do something, and she also thought that if she annoyed Malia enough, Malia would wake up to yell at her. When Ben come with her, they would be silent, these were short visits. When Paxton would come with her they would talk for hours, between them, or together with Malia, as if she were part of the conversation, as if she were responding to their stories.

Paxton came every day too. He brought Malia a sunflower bouquet, her favorite flower, and played music to her through the headphones. Paxton talked to Malia for hours, telling her about the guests who came to the station, telling her about his conversations with Devi, about the girls he was with, he told her about his landlord who found out he had taken Nina to him in recent days, and screamed his eyes out on him, Until Paxton agreed to pay him a hundred dollars and forget about it. He told Malia that his house was full of Nina's hair, so he took her to get a haircut, and that Nina look a little lost and that she was sleeping on a shirt that Malia left at his place two weeks ago because of the oil stain that stuck to her and Paxton didn't do laundry yet. When Paxton first mentioned Nina, he got to watch her lips curl around the tube in her mouth for a tiny smile, almost non-existent, but that was enough for him.

She hears him. 

Zoe was there all day. She helped the nurses clean her sister, shower her, move her every few hours so her muscles wouldn't hurt. She didn't know what else she had left to say to her sister, because they talk every day before the accident, so Zoe read her short stories that Malia loved, she read her TMZ and tell her about shows she had seen, that Malia just had to see, and when Zoe told her about the new Marvel movie they had been waiting for so long and Devi forced her and Paxton to watch today, just to get away from the hospital for a bit, which they all needed, Malia press her hand.

Malia hate spoilers. 

This moments instilled hope in the gang, and they kept telling themselves that by Christmas, she would wake up. She must wake up, she responds to them at an increasing rate every day, in the last two days she has responded to them three times already, she must wake up soon.

Tommy didn't get a moment like this. 

Tommy spent his nights in the hospital and every moment Malia was without visitors, he was there. For the first few days Zoe stayed, and when she found out he was just sleeping on a chair in the waiting room, she agreed to give him the nights. He took a PTO from the cafe, and Danny, who also knew Malia thanks to them, understood him and didn't even argue. He eats thanks to Zoe, Devi and Miguel, who make sure to bring him a burrito or pizza from time to time, he falls asleep at times, doesn't get a continuous sleep, and when he manages to fall asleep, it doesn't take long until he hears the machine beeping long and sharp, then he wakes up in a panic. Tommy doesn't know what to say to her, he wants to apologize, but he doesn't believe she understands him now, so he is silent, because he is not supposed to tell her anything before he apologizes. He plays her music through his phone, at night it's her sleep playlist, in the morning the one called 'Energetic Morning', hoping her mind will understand the hint.

Now he was sitting next to her, Paxton and Zoe were gone two hours ago, when the visiting hours were over, and the hospital was quiet, except for the incessant noise of the machines. 

Paxton told him that Malia shook Zoe's hand when she talked about the Marvel movie, and Tommy was happy, but something pecked at him. 

"They say you respond to them" he says quietly. "Come on, show me something Malia" Tommy begs and holds her hand so tightly that she will have to respond.

But it doesn't happen. 

"Please, Malia," he whispers to himself. "You responded for Marvel, show me you hear me" he continues and his eyes examine her, looking for movement.

"I'm sorry, Malia" Tommy says after a few minutes of silence and he releases his grip on her hand "I'm sorry, I was so stupid, I was afraid of what I felt, I was afraid of the fact that you were all I could think of, and I should have never take it out on you, You always let me take out all the evil in me and you accept it and make everything easier, and I thought it would be another thing I could throw at you, but it's too much, and I'm never been ashamed of something like I'm ashamed now” Tommy wipe a tear. 

His chest feel lighter with every word, and now he can't control his mouth, he just have to say it.

"You are the light at the end of my tunnel, the reason I'm not thrown in some corner like my junkie mother, or dead in a gunfight like my dad, Malia, you all I need and for years I didn't understand it, Malia, I didn't understand why I'm jealous of Trent, Or why I'm keeping boys away from you, because let's admit it, I cock blocked you long before the last rave, and I didn't understand why I think about what you say for days, I didn't understand why I tell you about every girl I was with to push you to the edge, and now I understand” he wipes another tear from his eyes and a sad smile appears on his face.

“I understand I never loved a girl as much as I love you, I never got up in the morning and thought of a girl, I never trusted a woman as much as I trust you, damn, I hated women before I met you, and you made everything better, you made everything look simpler, and safer, you made everything brighter just by being you, you and your big smile, with the so white teeth and the spark in your eyes, you made me believe in women, and in my ability to love them, and love at all, and you made me your biggest fan” Tommy smiles now there many tears on his face, and he leans forward, puts his other hand on hers, holding it with both hands. 

"And I'm so scared, Malia," he says quietly as his voice stabilizes. "I'm so scared you'll walk away from me, and everyone says you'll wake up before Christmas, but I can't stop thinking about what's going to happen if not, if you'll never wake up and I'm just so fucking scared" His voice breaks again, tears win him. "I'm so scared to lose you, I've just found you."

A hand presses his hand, a thumb moving on his skin back and forth. 

"Yes, Malia, yes you can hear me" he tells her, almost shouting in victory. He plants a kiss on her hair. "You hear me" he whispers as the hand stops moving, returns to lying motionless on the bed.

He presses her hand to his and kisses her palm, staining her with the tears on his face. 

Maybe he's not cursed, maybe he still has hope, maybe Malia will forgive him when she wakes up. 

And now, he, too, hopes she's waking up before Christmas. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part two, which is probably the best writing i did in years, is up in the next hours.   
> Hope you liked this one! ♥


	6. we going home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two of 'Hold on, we going home'.
> 
> Explicit sex scene.

It's Christmas Eve.

The whole gang, including Ben and Zoe, are wearing ugly sweaters, some have winter reindeer, some have a snowmen on. They stand around the bed and are scared.

Malia hasn't woken up yet. Doctors say it is a matter of days until that happens, that her brain activity increases every day, and that they believe she will be able to wake up.

But the group cries. Each of them, including Ben who barely knew Malia, sheds tears. Miguel buries his head in Dylan's neck, Trent places a hand on Paxton's hand and Zoe holds her sister's hand tightly.

"If she wakes up and sees us crying, she will kill us," Paxton says after wiping his tears with his ugly sweater sleeve. 

Zoe nods quickly, Tommy closes his eyes and tries to control his tears. 

"She will never forgive us if she thinks that she's why we cried at Christmas" Zoe finally says and now Miguel manages to pick himself up and stand without Dylan's grip. 

"Let's play 'Guess Who,'" Tommy suggests, "Every Christmas Eve I was with Malia, it was her favorite game" he says and gets angry looks from Trent, the only one who hasn't forgiven him yet.

"She was terrible at it" Zoe says and the group nods, and sits down in the chairs they took from the hallway, around the bed. 

Devi takes a notebook and pen out of her bag and hands it to Ben, letting him deal with it. 

Ben writes a character, sticks it to Devi's forehead and they start playing. 

At first they are still immersed in their grief, reluctantly answering questions and not arguing for a moment, but after a few turns, and a particularly long one, of Trent, they let go, laughing through the dry tears, arguing aloud about the questions asked. Tommy gets a 'That was fast' from Trent after he discovers his character after three questions, and he sees it as an olive branch and smiles at him.

They share Christmas stories and eat cookies, but they are mostly there, with Malia. They can feel her in the room even when she is unconscious, they know she is listening to them, and that she is getting her Christmas.

-

Malia sits in a comfortable armchair in a white room lit by a strong fluorescent that dazzles her. She is alone there, although there are many more armchairs and sofas, there are no other people in the area.

She doesn't feel the need to get up, or move, so she stays seated. Her seat changes from time to time to an iron chair that is uncomfortable for her and she almost wants to get up and change a chair, but she cannot get up anyway. So she waits until the chair changes again into a comfortable armchair, and it changes, sometimes earlier, sometimes after a lot of time of suffering on the iron chair.

Malia's cold, she feels her face almost freezing, but her body warm, as if she is wearing woolen clothes. Sometimes Malia looks out the small windows and sees the sun from it, the sun is always there. The sun seemed strong and warm, and still Malia couldn't get warm from it.

She has company. There's no door in the room, but Malia looks at the floor and sees that it's a moist soil, and she tries to listen to insects walking on the ground, and first she can't do it, but she try hard and she succeeds.

'I'll be a cop, Malia' tells her a small centipede climbing on her arm, and Malia smiles to herself and crushes the insect in her hand. 

Snitch. 

'Nina is sleeping on your old shirt, from the Post Malone concert' This time a firefly speaks to her, long and illuminates her warmly, and Malia wonders to herself where _is_ her dog, why she's not here with her, and when was the Post Malone show, because now it seems farther away. Malia smiles as she thinks of Nina sleeping on the black shirt, leaving fur everywhere. Her firefly shine in warm light, and when he comes with the bee that read her the news, they both light in warm yellow.

For several days she watches a red ant, looks at a hard-working ant building her nest, walks back and forth, and Malia liked the ant, because sometimes she told her hot gossip about Chris Hamsworth, and sometimes she reminded her of her and Zoe's picture, when Malia She was only four and Zoe was just a baby, and Malia blocked Zoe's mouth, trying to silence her uncontrollable crying. Malia don't wonder where her sister is, she feel like she don't need to ask that. Zoe's here.

When the ant starts telling her about the new Marvel movie, she crushes her, and it's a bit of a shame to get rid of the ant, but she doesn't like spoilers. 

It's okay, the ant comes back after a few hours. 

Malia's favorite animal in this place is a white butterfly with black borders. He's beautiful, large and majestic, and He doesn't move away from Malia, He stays close to her even when other insects visit. He doesn't talk to her at first, he just stays close, but when Malia crushes the red ant, he starts talking to her. He apologizes, and Malia doesn't know what he is apologizing for. He tells her that he's stupid, and that just because of her he's not thrown in the corner like his junkie mother, and Malia doesn't understand since when butterflies have drug-addicted mothers, but the words familiar to her, and Malia knows who it is, she can recognize him but the words are out of her reach. The butterfly tells her that she is light at the end of the tunnel, and the butterfly don't know that the tunnel is built with only light. The butterfly tells her that he is scared, he is so afraid, and Malia is heartbroken and she caresses his wings gently, trying to calm him down, to tell him that everything is fine.

Now all her insects visit her, a pair of spiders, which Malia couldn't fear, though they were large and hairy, the beautiful centipede and the firefly holding each other's legs, a fruit fly standing on an impressive bee, her beloved red ant and the butterfly looking frightened and withered. 

Malia don't even like insects, she never liked the reptiles and varmints, but she is not afraid of any of them, she even loves them. They are not just insects climbing on her, they are her only friends in the white room.

She listens to the strange insects gang talking, and plays her favorite game, and she wants to get up and tell them something, she wants to ask them why she can't play with them, but she can't say anything. Malia wants to play her game, her Christmas Eve game, and then she realizes it must be Christmas, because only then she allowed to play the game.

Malia feels her mouth full all the way and she can't say a word, she can't make a noise out of her mouth. She feels her hands are tied, at first it was by ropes that tied her to a chair, but that didn't scare her then, and now instead of ropes it was thin wool wrapped around her hands.

Malia tries to fight, she wants to talk to her insects, she wants to tell them it's okay, that she's almost succeeding, she wants to play with them, but she can't move. Malia gives up and listens to them instead.

There's no days and nights in the white room, there is endless sunshine and endless cold. She never feels tired, but she lets herself close her eyes from time to time, just to pass the time, and when only her butterfly is by her side she can close her eyes. She leans back in her comfortable armchair and wonders how she hasn't felt hungry until now, or how she is not thirsty. Malia wonders where she is, and the time seems short, as if she had just arrived in the room, and still long, because the sun is not going down but the insects are coming and going.

When she hears the butterfly, ant and firefly talking, she looks at them with curious eyes. 

The ant says they agreed, to everyone, to stay the night, and the extended group of insects rejoiced for a moment, the spiders hugging once more. The butterfly tells the other insects that he is sorry for the last month, that he was wrong and that he will never do such a thing again, and he will prove it to them. The centipede nods at him, and the firefly pats the butterfly's wings.

The insects fall silent, she can't always hear them talking, and now she only sees them moving their heads.

So Malia closes her eyes and waits for time to pass, maybe she can hear them later.

But the next thing she hears is the music. There's not always music in the room, sometimes it's playing right into Malia's ears, and she can't understand how, and sometimes it's playing from the walls, but when the music is playing, it's always music she likes, it's always music that calms her from the ignorance that Malia is in. Now a calm song is playing, and Malia hears a clear voice, clear like a crystal, and a simple guitar playing accompanies the sound. She smiles to herself when she hears the song, her eyes still closed and her fingers tap on the fabric according to the song.

Malia now feel a breeze on her shoulder, and she knows it's the butterfly's wings, but the ant talks to her again, she tells her that Christmas is here, and they open presents for her, and the ant is almost crying when she tells Malia she needs to wake up, she must get up. 

So Malia opens her eyes, and startled. 

She doesn't know how she got to this room, and not sure who the people standing around her, they look familiar, but as if from another life, from other times in Malia's life, and she is not sure what day it is, and everything feels so real, as if she didn't sit a moment ago in a white room full of dirt. Malia breathes deeply, and feels something blocking her mouth, filling her throat and tears coming down her face. She strengthens the hand between her fingers, and the curly-haired black hair turns to her, and she hears his words beyond a bubble, as if he were talking under water.

Malia sees people running to her, checking on her, and slowly they pull the tube from her throat, and she can finally breathe on her own. The ant is holding her hand, and no, it's not an ant, it's her sister? Her sister strokes her, kissing her face until a man in a white robe takes Malia away, takes her to a white room, and Malia thinks she is back in her room, with her insects. But the floor is marble floor, and the light doesn't dazzle her like in her room, and she knows she is never getting back to her room.

\---

The tears are happy tears now, and the nurse says they took her just to run some tests on her cognitive abilities, and that in a moment she'll be back, that they should not worry. 

And to see Malia with her eyes open, looking at them in panic, was soothing and frightening at the same time. 

"I read that people who wake up from coma can completely forget who and what they are," Trent says now, getting angry faces from everyone.

"Where did you read that" Dylan challenges him now, feeling like he didn't burned Trent for years, his mind can finally do it. 

"Reddit" Trent says confidently and his friends release a short laugh. 

But they keep thinking about it. 

And when they put Malia back in the room, this time in a wheelchair, they are stressed when they see that she is not smiling to any of them. 

Her sister approaches, and to her Malia smiles a small smile. They hug again, and her sister hugs her almost too tightly.

"It's a Christmas miracle," Miguel says, wiping a tear of joy from his face. 

Malia's body stiffens, and she can swear she know these people, and with each passing moment it slowly becomes clearer to her, but she can't remember their names, or who they are, still can't reach that part of her brain. 

But his voice sounded like one of the spiders talking to her while she was in the white room, and she smiled at him because the spiders asked her to cook for them and one of them asked her to be his best man. 

"Malia," her sister says, looking into her eyes. 

When Malia looks into her eyes she recognizes her, stronger than she recognizes all the other people. 

"ant?" Malia says and it doesn't sound right. "Zoe?" The name comes out of her, and her sister nods and hugs her again.

After a few minutes Zoe realizes she is not alone in the room, and makes the way to Malia, wiping tears of happiness from her eyes. 

Now a curly guy was approaching her, he had brown and bright eyes, almost like the light the firefly, and Malia was smiling at him too, holding his hand. 

"You're my firefly," she tells him, placing a second hand in his hair, ruffling it. 

Paxton looks at Zoe shrugging in response, assuming she's still under the influence of drugs. 

"Paxton" he tells her, and Malia feels a little ' _gling_ ' in her head and it's true, it's Paxton Hall Yoshida, he's her brother. 

No, not her brother, but the closest. 

Slowly Malia attaches names to the faces, she realizes that the leggy centipede was her roommate, Trent, that the fly with the big eyes that glow blue is Ben, the blue-eyed boyfriend of the bee who loves news, Devi. She hugs Dylan, he told her his name and yet she can't remember him, the other spider, who hugs her for a long time, not leaving her.

"I'm your best man, little spider," she tells him in her ear during the hug, and even though he told her his name, she prefers to call him a little spider, cause she misses the white room.

The spider looks at her and nods, tears in his green eyes. 

"Yes, my best man" he says and his fingers interlock with the fingers of the other spider, Miguel. 

At that moment Malia felt another ' _gling_ ' in her mind, and it's Dylan, he's Dylan again. 

Now all that is left is the tattooed guy, who hasn't yet spoken, but the contrast of the black tattoos on the white skin makes it clear to her who he is. 

He sits on his knees and is afraid to put a hand on Malia, so she leaves her hand on her knee like an invitation. 

"Don't be afraid" she tells him and watches a tear fall from his blue eyes. 

He smiles through the tear and grabs her open hand for a moment, then jump on her with a tight hug, clutching her to his chest, wrapping her with both hands until there is no air left in her. 

"I'm so sorry," he says, and his voice is the voice of her butterfly, of the butterfly that didn't move away from her. 

Malia is still not sure what he's sorry about, she can't remember what led her here, but more moments are revealed in her mind with every second that passes. 

"I know, I heard" she tells him and hugs him back, weaker than him. 

His name doesn't reach her mind yet, and she doesn't seem to know who he is in her life, but she is sure it will come to her. 

Her butterfly looks into her eyes and smile, and the blue-blue becomes brighter by the minute. 

"I knew you'll wake up at Christmas," Dylan says in a pleased voice. 

Paxton grins. 

"You said before, before Christmas" Paxton corrects him, getting a eye roll from Dylan. 

"So do I have a gift?" Malia asks after a few moments, trying to relieve the tension in the room.

Now the group runs to other corners of the room, and they all pick up boxes or colorful bags and Malia tries to roll on her own, further into the room. Her butterfly notices, and she finds herself led into the room, where the bed used to be.

Malia opens the presents, trying not to feel bad that she has no present for them, since she has been in that room for a few days, she didn't had a chance to buy them a present. 

Paxton brought her a glass board, engraved with a screenshot from Spotify (Malia doesn't believe it took her less time to recall Spotify from her best friends' names) with her favorite song, and Malia remembers that whenever the firefly was there, that song played into her ears. Trent brought her a rolling kit with a grinder, a rolling tray, rolling papers and a box, all in gold-rose color, and Malia remembered that she didn't felt the need to smoke in the last few days, until now.

Dylan brought her a book and says it's one of the early versions of Sherlock Holmes, before the edits and censorship. Miguel brought her a set of lipsticks and nail polish, and Malia now knows that this is all the cosmetics she uses. Devi and Ben (but more Devi, Ben has to go a moment before Devi brings her the present) bring her new headphones, the kind Malia has been talking about for the past few months, and Malia remembers she may not knowing them for a long time, but she feels a strong warmness for the hardworking bee, and she notes to herself that the firefly and the bee are not together, like she thought.

Zoe brings her a necklace with a sunflower-shaped pendant, engraved with a picture of her family, and Malia remembers that her mother's name is Judy, and that she's not sure why mom didn't visit her, but that she is happy to see her face off the necklace. After Zoe is approached by her butterfly, she is angry at herself for not being able to remember his name, why she is unable to remember his role in her life? The butterfly brings her a picture book, and as she flips through she sees that the pictures are paintings, of Malia, drawings of pictures with her friends, with the butterfly, with her family. The whole book was hand-drawn, neatly arranged, and she wondered if the nameless butterfly was the one who draw it.

She hugs everyone, thanks them, sheds tears when they talk to her. A moment ago they were insects that climbed on her, and now they are humans, and Malia knows it's reality, that this is the real world, but the feeling she was in the white room a moment ago doesn't leave her.

"Do you think I'm allowed to smoke?" Malia asks and can't understand why everyone is laughing, she genuinely asks.

-

Paxton drives Devi back to her apartment after visiting hours pass, Malia stays there until she'll return to full function. 

"How are you?" She asks as they stop at a red light.

Paxton releases a deep sigh and then shout into the air, filling the car with his laughter.

"I have never felt such deep relief," he tells her after his laughter dies. 

"Yup" Devi says, unable not to smile a huge smile when she hears his happy voice. 

"I'm telling you, I don't know what I would do if-"

Devi puts a hand on the steering wheel, stops him. 

"No need to think about it," she says and he nods. 

"Right" Paxton recalls and he takes a deep breath, forgetting that thought. "Thank you for being there," he tells her after a few minutes.

Devi nods and smiles. 

For the past two weeks Paxton has found peace in Devi, he would vent his anger and fears on her, resting his head on her lap while she gently stroked his hair. Devi listened to him, reassured him, assured him that everything would be better. She knew when he was losing hope, she knew before he told her when he got a reaction from Malia, she knew how to ease his mind and what to say to keep his eyes clean of tears. And after she would calm him down, they would talk about other things. Devi would tell him about the difficult moments with Ben, and also about the good ones, she describe to him whole trials she had seen and new cases she had received while stroking his hair, and he would listen and learn everything about her. Paxton in return tell her about the accident that caused him to stop swimming, he explain to her what it felt like to lose the thing he was best at, and he tell her about his time in college, switching the major from physiology to music, about his father being disappointed with him, like any Asian parent, and about Rebecca who always told him that was what he needed to learn.

"Wanna come to a celebration joint?" Paxton asks before he can regret it.

In those two weeks his feelings went beyond what he expected, and he hadn’t thought about it until now, because Malia was on a fucking coma, and now he had a second without the constant worry, and the feelings flooded him. 

Devi hesitant, knowing that the roommates have returned to their apartment, too tired to sit with Paxton. She knew the invitation was private, she knew it would be just the two of them again.

"Yes," she says. 

Paxton smiles and take the next turn, stopping after a few minutes near his building. 

They take the elevator to the top floor, and Paxton opens the door to the loft and Nina jumps on him, licking him, her tail flying from side to side like a propeller. 

"Hey, good girl! You know that Malia is awake? Yeah? You know that mom is awake? ” Paxton talks to Nina and strokes her, throws his bag aside and almost dances with the dog.

"You need to take her for a walk?" Devi asks and caresses the dog she just reached, kissing her fur.

"No, Nina has a hot dog walker, right Nina?" Paxton asks as he fills the food bowl and she licks him in gratitude.

Devi notice the word 'hot', and she notices that she didn't enjoy it, but ignores that. She sits down on Paxton's double sofa, takes off her shoes and folds her legs.

Paxton sits down next to her, places a bottle of water on the black table and pulls out a smaller, white table, underneath it, begins to roll a joint. 

"Malia taught me to roll like a pro" he says as he lights the joint and leans back, his shoulder touching Devi. 

"You need a fine motor skills for that," Devi replies, aware that she hasn't been able to roll even when Dylan, Paxton and Trent pushed her after hours of lessons given to her. 

Paxton releases the smoke and a smile appears on his face. 

It's so comfortable for him next to Devi, but it's not like with Malia. Next to Malia he can fart, next to Devi he can, but doesn't want to fart.

Paxton grabs the ashtray in his hands and turns around from Devi and then leans back, rests his head on her thighs, and he begins the action out of habit, but ends it on purpose. He places the ashtray on the table next to him.

Devi see the head resting on her, and she, too, places her hand on his hair out of her habit, but begins to stroke it intentionally. 

They sit like this for a long time, Paxton emits smoke on her face, she laughs and coughs, then gets the joint transferred to her. Every time Devi leaned forward to ash, her breasts hovered over Paxton's face, and she didn't notice it, but Paxton certainly saw only the hills before his eyes, round and beautiful.

He does nothing. A picture of Ben, to whom he has spoken more recently, and even enjoyed his company last night, during a stormy round of 'Guess Who'. He feels worse the more he thinks about it, realizing he is longing for Devi when her boyfriend exist.

Paxton turns on his side now, so he can't see the magic hills and Devi kept playing with his curls. 

"Why can't it always be like this?" He asks, his gaze fixed on the black TV screen. 

Devi's heart is pounding and she takes a deep breath and releases smoke from her lips, her hand stopping for a brief second to stroke his head. 

"I can't do this to him," Devi says after a few moments, as honest as she has ever been on this subject.

Paxton plants a kiss on her thigh and a shiver passes through Devi. 

"Don't do this to him, I'm ready to wait until after you'll finish it" Paxton says quietly and his head get higher on her legs, his hair presses to her belly, and he plants another kiss on her thigh. 

Devi pulls at his hair as he does so, her legs clinging to each other, she can feel the moisture sticking to her panties. 

She doesn't know how he expects her to decide like this whether to break up from Ben or not, and maybe that's exactly what he wants, for her to decide when she is completely distracted by hot lips kissing her thighs through the tights she wore -

Wow, here comes another kiss, higher than ever, lips almost on her covered crotch. 

"I'll do it" she says and she can feel his lips curving into a smile through the fabric on her legs. 

Paxton implants another kiss, this time millimetres from where she need him, and he inhales her scent deeply. 

"Do you want me to stop?" He asks into her skin, his hand going between her thighs and staying there, not going up.

Devi wants to tell him to wait a little longer, she'll break up with him, she promises. But she can't wait any longer, her pussy throbs between her crossed legs and she just needs to be touched, now.

"No" she whispers and that's all he needs. 

He plants his last kiss on her tights-covered outer lips and then turns and sits up, pressing to her again with a long kiss. 

Devi kisses him, tastes the smoke and coffee and the doughnut he ate, she opens her mouth and his tongue enters her, play with her tongue, suing her to himself. 

They are neither gentle nor slow, they finally execute the tension between them, now that they can think for themselves once again, now that the sadness was gone, and all that left was sexual tension and friendship. They are hands and fingers exploring, and when Paxton puts his hand under her tights, she chokes, surprised at how much she needed it, how much she longed for it.

"To the-" Devi tries to mumble, not wanting their first time on the couch, as if they had not passed adolescence. "The bed" she finally says and he picks her up from the couch, one hand grabs her ass, the other hand her neck, and her legs wrapped around him.

When Paxton goes to bed he sees out of the corner of his eye Nina burp and sitting in her bed, and he has no time to smile at her, because Devi presses her lips to him again.

He drops her on the bed and Devi doesn't look scared, which is a good sign. He's not doing anything she didn't want him to do for a long time. He leans on his hands and eyes at eye level, and they look at each other until Devi looks almost confused, but Paxton doesn't give her a chance to open her mouth. He kisses her lips and cheeks, reaches her ear and suck her until a pleasant moan comes out of her.

"Pax" she moans and that's the kind of thing Paxton has wanted to hear from her for a long time.

He takes off her ugly Christmas sweater and bra, kisses her breasts as he discovers them. He licks her nipple and grabs it for a moment between his lips, pulling hard enough to make Devi moan loudly.

Paxton goes down, leaving small bites and kisses all over her body, and Devi's hands lift his shirt, and he can't let her do so. It's all around her now.

Paxton goes down her belly, planting hot kisses and light bites on her skin, until he reaches the panties. In a sharp motion he pulls on her pants and panties, tossing them aside. He looks at her, lying on his bed, completely naked. Beautiful. Paxton approaches her again and gets down on his knees.

His tongue marks his way into her slit, and as he kisses her entrance, she grabs his hair, signaling him to get closer. 

Paxton separates her lower lips with both hands, implants his mouth inside her, and his tongue begins to move slowly over her clit, stimulating her like Ben has never been able to. 

"Oh my God" she whispers as Paxton picks up the pace, his tongue teasing her clit, Paxton's cold hand rising to her breasts and he crushes them with a strong hand, white on brown, cold on boiling skin. She tightens her grip on Paxton's hair and tongue running for her entrance now, his thumb rubbing her clit now.

Just before Devi cums, Paxton rises to her breasts, biting her nipple. 

"Fuck" she moans in frustration and gasps. 

Paxton is now sweating under his ugly sweater and he is taking it off in one motion, as he used to do in Devi's dreams.

Devi straightens her back and sits up, her hands being sent to his pants, and he anticipates her, opens the belt, lowers the pants in a smooth motion.

"You're clean -" she tries to ask and he laughs. The voice was wild and dripping with passion and Devi sorry she didn't known that tone before.

"I'm clean," he tells her as he lowers his pants, exposing a hard, throbbing cock. "You on the pill?" Paxton asks as he leans her on the bed once more, leaning over her.

Devi nods at him, mesmerized by his eyes. 

Paxton takes one hand off her waist and directs his cock to her entrance, his eyes locked on hers. He teases her, and his hand plays with her clit, releasing throaty moans from her, which sounded like a song to his ears.

"Pax" she whispers and her hand tries to signal him to come in already, she needs him to come in now. 

A smile appears on Paxton's face, and he bites her neck, not daring to push. 

"Paxton" she moans and begs because his hand do magic with her clit, turns and squeezes, touches and moves away a moment before it feels too good.

"I love hearing you beg for it" Paxton says and she closes her eyes, her hands climb to his back, holding him tight.

"Please Paxton," she whispers in his ear and he needed it. 

Paxton pushes in, penetrates her, and with every inch, it's hot and tight just the right amount, with every inch he put in Devi moan louder, until there was no voice left in her. He stays in it for a few moments, and as he regulates his breathing he manages to move again.

"God, Paxton" she whispers and Paxton laughs again, comes out of her, then pushes in again, and she moves between his hands from the power. 

Paxton moves inside her, coming in and out, and he builds a fast pace, and the noise of skin colliding was mesmerizing. Her breasts bounced as he entered, and it was too beautiful a sight for him not to grasp one of the nipples between his teeth.

"My God, oh shit" she mumbles between a push and a kiss, one hand on his back, grabbing him, more to not fly forward than any other reason, and one hand between his curls, pressing his head against her. She never felt so full, so consumed. She can't think of anything except the next push, the next moment he is inside her, she can't think of anything, because if he just keeps fucking her, everything will be fine. Devi has no control over her mouth, and when Paxton straightens his back she can finally see him. His curls are a mass, but it's probably her fault, and his eyes are wild, and they are not brown like honey anymore, they are brown like a lion's fur.

When Paxton adds his hand to the mixture between her legs, and his thumb plays with her clit, she almost sees stars, but when she grabs the sheets, he moves his hand once more. 

"Paxton" she moans in frustration and he smiles a wicked smile. 

"A bit more" he teases her, her legs forced around him, trying to pin him to her, but he can't get enough of her look while she's lying on the bed, completely naked, her breasts bouncing at his command, her hair wild on the bed, while he stands and fucks her, Finally. 

Paxton bends over and his hands dig beneath her and lift her up. She is wrapped around him again, and her hands around his neck, and Paxton makes her moan again as she jumps in the air, clit rubs against his cock, and he can hear her pleading now.

"Oh my god Paxton please I have to come" she moans and he presses his lips to her neck, her nipples, everywhere, as long is not her lips, because then he will not hear her voice moaning from his cock. 

"One more time" Paxton whispers in her ear and his hands strengthen around her body.

"Please Paxton, I have to cum, please" Her voice is high and barely audible, but Paxton will count it, and leans her against the wall and one hand is released and sent to her vagina, playing with her clitoris in circular motions, one finger stop and another finger replacing the other, tapping. 

Devi shudders and moans loudly, her legs pressing Paxton to her ,unnecessarily, because Paxton cums too and presses her against the wall, resting his head on her neck. 

They take a deep breath, and after a few seconds Paxton walks away and Devi stands on her own, even though her legs are still shaking. 

Paxton takes one step to the bed and lies on it, his feet still on the ground, and Devi does as he do and lies down beside him. 

They gasp, their bodies completely relaxed and Paxton turns his body to Devi, staring at her sweaty face, at her rising and falling chest. 

Devi turns her head and smiles when she sees Paxton again, looking at her with big brown eyes. 

"Fuck" Devi is panting and her smile is growing. 

Paxton raises his hand and pulls her towards him, raising them both to the pillows at the end of the bed. He wraps her arms around him and she clings to him, still completely naked.

She knows she can't stay, that she needs to get up in a few moments, and he knows she needs to get out of here, and for the first time in his life, Paxton wants to cuddle, and hug, and most importantly he want her to stays there, by his side.

\------

"Did you stayed here every night?" Malia is lying on the bed now after another round of tests.

Everyone was gone when she started the tests, about half an hour ago, and when the nurse returns her to her room, her butterfly is sitting there, and the nurse seems to know him well, unlike Malia. 

Throughout the day they didn't name the guy, they always referred to him as 'he' or pointed to him, or called him 'T' or 'T bone', as if her butterfly didn't have a name. 

"Yeah" he tells her simply and she smiles at him. 

But he feels that her eyes don't know him, as if Malia is looking for something in his face, something that will remind her of him. She remembered everyone, even Ben, a man she had seen less than five times in her life, and only him, she can't remember. She keeps calling him 'butterfly', and that confuses him, it's not his name. Why can't she remember him?

"Why do you call me butterfly?" Black curls finally asks and he folds his legs.

Malia hesitates to answer, wondering if she will be hospitalized in a closed ward after saying what she felt on her part during those two weeks, which by the way, felt more like two long days, rather than a full two weeks. She also doesn't know the man yet, and although he was her butterfly, she is still not sure what he did to her that he needed to apologize.

"While I was comatose" Malia begins, not believing she was really on coma, and not in her white room, "I heard your voices, and I understood them, but you were insects, Trent was a centipede, and Zoe was an ant, and Miguel and Dylan were spiders, but I wasn't afraid from them, I knew I knew them,” she tries to explain, and the words sound strange to her ears. 

"And I was a butterfly?" He asks her quietly.

She nods at him. 

"But I don't ..." Her words are silenced, Malia knows it's a bad thing to say, that she still doesn't remember him, after he has stayed here all night for two weeks. 

"you don't remember me" 

"I try, but no one ever says your name and I know that I know you, I just don't know ... nothing about you" Malia tries to explain herself, to make it clear that it is her fault, and that his eyes shouldn't be so blue and sad. 

"Tommy, I'm Tommy" he says quickly, moves to sit on her bed and holds her hand. "Thomas Walker" he clarifies and strengthens his grip.

Tommy. Tommy. Thomas.

Malia feels as if she is trying to clear steam from a window, and when his name lands in a certain place in her mind, the spark of understanding returns to her eyes. 

Tommy, how could she forget him. Mr. T. Bone, Tommy Boy. She kept looking at his figure and everything seemed clearer now, his tattoos reminded her of the day she went with him when he got a tattoo on his shoulder, an old school pirate ship. His curls brought back to her the day she cut his hair when the boys held him in a chair, tired of the fact that his curls fell on his face like Corbin Blue in 'High School Musica', and now she remembers that Tommy could sing any song from the movies by memory only.

"Tommy" she says his name, and now Malia remembers all the times he told her about the girls he slept with, or laughed at her and Trent, something that only came to her now, the time she and Trent slept, she didn't know it before. Malia remembers the standing figure of Tommy at the entrance to the room, and then the night of the intervention came, the violent kiss they shared and the shouts a moment later.

Tommy could see her remembering those moments, he could see the joy and warm she felt at first, then her eyebrows dropped from their surprised place, and she remembers the bad moments now, the parts Tommy is ashamed of. 

But Malia remembers everything her insects told her, and the butterfly's apology make sense now. 

"I'm sorry" Tommy says and puts a second hand on her. "I'm sorry Malia, I was so stupid, I was such a coward and I almost lost you forever, and I didn't have time to tell you anything I had to say -"

"Shhh" Malia whispers and smiles at him. “I heard everything. I remember everything” she says and watches Tommy's eyes fill with hope once again.

"I love you Mali, and I didn't even knew I know how to love until you came" he whispers and looks down, afraid to be so exposed. "Please forgive me" Tommy almost pleads.

"Water under the bridge," Malia finally says. 

Tommy looks up, and their eyes cross, and then they smile. He get closer to her, and she leans into a hug, so he does nothing but lean into her, pin her to him. Malia tightens her grip, and she feels like she's squeezing every drop of Tommy into her, soaking up his scent, feeling him close to her.

Malia now knows she loves him, and she knows that this love caused her continuous and incessant suffering, just because he never loved her that way. She knows that her Tommy is a butterfly who needs warmth and love, and she is willing to give it to him because he loves her, and he admits it, even if it's not the way she wanted.

Tommy's hand holds her back, and now she clings to him tighter and his face finds her neck. Malia is surprised when lips kiss her neck, and she moves away a little, looking for his eyes.

"Wait, you love-love me?" She asks, her eyebrows rise, her eyes narrowed.

Tommy give her a short grin, his eyes locked on hers. 

"I love-love you, you idiot" he tells her and she smiles and closes her eyes, leaning her forehead against him, Tommy presses his lips to hers. 

He tries to be careful, because she is still attached to fluid bag, he tries not to pull anything or hurt her, but her hands on his neck now and her lips open, letting his tongue enter her, play with her mouth, trying to feel everything before it ends. 

And it's over fast. 

Tommy moves away, knowing it's too early, that she's hooked up to machines, and in general, their first time not gonna be in a hospital room, Tommy can't make any of his moves. 

And it's illegal, _obviously_. 


	7. Man Down

"His birthday in two days, I'm not gonna be the bitch who broke up with him two days before his birthday!" Devi is almost angry at Paxton, and she hit his chest.

They are sitting in the living room of the roommates, Nina is back home in honor of the long-awaited return of Malia, who is due to be released from the hospital tomorrow. 

"Do you want to be the bitch who broke up with him the day after his birthday?" He asks quietly, trying not to be heard from the kitchen, where Miguel and Trent is making lunch, which, frankly, didn't smell amazing.

“Maybe we should wait a bit? Until next week?” she suggests and Paxton sighs.

"Only until next week, I'm tired of hiding," Paxton finally tells her. 

Devi smiles at him and plants a small kiss on his cheek. 

"I'm going to save lunch," she says and runs to the kitchen, starting to cough up the smoke the pan has started to raise. 

"What are you cooking here, fire?" Devi asks and picks up the pan with a towel, moving it off the stove.

"Miguel decided that we need to heat the tortillas on the pan before eating them," Trent says accusingly. 

"Warm, don't turn them black like Indians at the beach," she says quickly and throws the burnt tortilla in the trash. 

Trent and Miguel exchange glances, and Devi notices this. 

"I can say that, you can't" she says in a knowing voice and lowers the flame on the stove. 

If Devi wasn't there, the partners are not sure they would have eaten anything other than chips and sandwiches with peanut butter and jam. For the past two weeks she has taken care to hop on there in the evenings, or invite them to her house, and cook for them every evening. She's not a great cook like Nalini, and she doesn't know how to make dinner our of thin air like Malia, but she do know how to make rice and chicken with vegetables in the oven, and it seems that the roommates can live on this for years if she changes the seasoning and vegetables every few days.

So now, Devi prepares lunch, burritos with sliced chicken and vegetables (because she really does not know how to deal with beef, she just know how to eat it), and they eat around in front of the TV. 

Trent burp loudly when he finishes eating, and Paxton knows the volume is so high only because he's comfortable next to Devi. It makes him happy.

Seeing Devi become an integral part of the gang makes him almost excited. Devi has found her place during those two weeks, and she's not the caring mother like Malia, not at all. She solves problems. If the roommates don't know how to cook, she cook for them the best she can. If Miguel and Trent are arguing about which show to watch, she causes them to agree on something. She arrives to help Dylan change a wheel one day, promising not to tell Paxton that he 'borrowed' his Jeep and Devi distracts the cops who smelled the weed from the gang when they sit outside the cafe.

Paxton feels he is not doing anything wrong. Not when he kisses Devi, nor when he enter her. He feels this is the right thing to do, this is what needs to happen, but on the other hand - this is what the bad guys say in the movies, that they are doing the right thing. He feels victorious, he has finally got the girl, he finally doesn't want the girl to get away from him after he cums, but it's a sweet-bitter victory, because he really, really really, doesn't want to hurt Ben, who has become a kind of strange uncle, seen once a month and at spacial events, Ben was funny in his weird way, and he even stopped grimacing when they were smoking. Paxton didn't want to make his annoying eyes cry, but he couldn't get away from her, not again. He couldn't give her a chance to get away from him, to go back to Ben.

So he went down on her when they were in the hospital today, in a service closet, and Devi says it's a little dream come true. Paxton kisses her whenever he can, pulls out his best moves, teases her to the point of almost losing control, only so she remember that it's him, that it's him she needs to be with, that they're meant to be together. Paxton doesn't believe in fate, he laughs at Malia when she tells him that everything happens for a reason, and that his fate will find him one day. But look at that, fate has found him.

"Anyway, I bought four types of Sativa and an amazing Indica, the guy said Snoop get his shit from him when he's in New York" Dylan says, proud of himself like crazy. 

"I think her endurance has dropped in those two weeks, she won't be able to smoke it all," Paxton tells him and leans back on the couch, unbuttoning his pants. 

"Malia?" Trent asks him, his eyebrows clenched.

"Yes?" Paxton wonders what's confusing Trent this time.

"You think Malia's endurance has dropped?" Now Miguel joins, also confused.

"She hasn't smoked for two weeks!" Paxton tried to explain and now Devi also shakes her head.

"No, she must have smoked in her white room," Devi said. 

The white room was something Malia described to them today, she told them about the sun not setting and the chair, and when she got to the insects, Malia was sure they were going to hospitalize her, but it didn't happen. Devi tells her that a lot of people imagine things while they are on coma, that they dream very realistic dreams when they are unconscious, and Malia thanks her.

When she tells them that Trent is a centipede, they laugh for ten minutes straight. 

"You'll see," Paxton insists, stroking Nina, who puts her head between his legs. 

"You'll see," Miguel and Dylan say together. 

\---

Tommy and Zoe walk on either side of Malia. 

They enter the elevator in the roommate's building, and Malia is flooded with more memories as each moment passes, when she presses the button on the elevator to the 4th floor her hand does it by itself, out of habit. Malia still collect her moments, and it feels like in the smoking sessions they had in the apartment, when the room was full of smoke and then a window was opened, and everything slowly clear up, faces appearing behind the smoke, places and moments.

When the elevator shakes and reaches the fourth floor they go out, Tommy drags Malia's bag, Zoe holds her hand tightly, not letting her disappear again. 

Malia opens the door, not feeling the need to knock or wait for someone else to do it, this is her home. 

The apartment is decorated with colorful balloons and a large sign, which appears to be made by a seven-year-old boy, on which is written 'Welcome back, Bitch'. In the living room her friends stand and try to shout 'surprise', but the moment is missed and instead they mumble it, and Trent shouting the word on his own.

"Hey" Malia says with a smile, her strength coming back to her, and now that she's at her house, she's stronger than ever. 

A dog ran up to her, and it's Nina, this is her good girl. Malia falls to her knees and lets the dog lick her, jumping on her. Zoe tries to keep the jumping dog away, but Malia doesn't let her, she calms the dog who jumps and cries at the same time, hugging her tight.

Miguel sheds a tear, and the whole gang now approaches Malia, hugging her tightly, crushing her in a hug of eight people and a dog. 

When they calm down, tears are wiped from eyes and big smiles on their faces, they sit down in the living room, which contains much more than it can usually. 

Trent disappears into his room, and returns with a large computer chair. 

Tommy sits next to Malia, on the double sofa, and Zoe sits on the armrest, her hand still on her sister. Paxton and Devi sit next to each other, next to them Dylan and Miguel, Trent sitting in the armchair, realizing that the computer chair is unused because Zoe is not moving away from her sister.

"So we bought you a present" Dylan begins, Paxton rolling his eyes. 

"Another one?" Malia is surprised, and Tommy smiles, knowing damn well what the gift is.

Dylan pulls out four tin cans, each in a different color. 

"Four letters, one word," Tommy says and the group, including Zoe, sighs out loud. 

"No, not this again" Dylan says and places the boxes on the table in front of Malia. "It's weed, we bought you a lot of weed," he explains as he opens the boxes one by one, letting the pungent odor fill the room.

"Shit, I haven't smoked in a long time. I don't know how my tolerance is," Malia says, but picks up random flowers, smells them, touches them. 

"I told you," Paxton says, pointing to Dylan and Miguel in the accusation. 

"Take your time" Tommy says to Malia quietly, placing a hand on her. 

Malia smiles and nods, and she wants to listen to him, because she has just woken up from a fucking two weeks sleep, but the smell tickles her nose in a unique way, and she wants to feel the smoke in her mouth once again. 

"So like, I need to roll?" Malia asks the room and in a second the room fills up with movements, Dylan takes out the rolling kit from under the table, Miguel grind the herb, Devi roll a filter, the only thing she knows how to roll, and Paxton pulls rolling paper and waits for the pot to reach him, then rolls the fattest spliff he could .

Paxton hands the joint to Malia, and she accepts it to the cheers of the gang. 

The first drag brings her back more moments, good things, some less, at some of the memories she vomits after she mixes alcohol and weed in one evening, some show her the rolling lessons that Dylan, her oldest friend, passed on to her. 

"Fucking shit," she says and smiles, leaning back. 

Trent looks at Tommy's hand, which holds Malia's leg, and his blue eyes that didn't come off Malia's face. 

"Are you like, together?" Trent finally asks, getting disappointed looks from the whole gang.

Malia's eyes widen, unprepared for a question, and she coughs for a moment, passing the joint to her sister. 

"Trent," Paxton says quietly, trying to silence his friend. 

"No, because if they do" Trent tries to explain, a bastard smile on his face. "That means I slept with your girlfriend, T bone" he says, and they all laugh out loud now, Tommy throws a pillow at him.

"You were a centipede in her head, so clearly this mistake had no meaning" Tommy bites back, and everyone keeps laughing. 

Trent frowns like a little boy. 

They continue to talk and smoke, and Ben joins them when evening comes, and even agrees to smoke with them in honor of Malia returning to the apartment. 

They talk about the radio station, and Dylan, who has been trying to replace Malia in her job for the past two weeks, has done such a terrible job as a music editor, that he almost got fired. Paxton did her job after him, getting more and more credit at the station. Devi told them she was working on her first case with David Burnett, and that he had been surprised by her abilities more than once in the meantime. Paxton slips a hand into her fingers, and she pulls it out, Ben there. Dylan and Miguel talk about the preparations for the wedding, and Malia is Dylan's best woman, Miguel chose Trent for the role, and they are still looking for someone to hold the ceremony, debating whether to pay a lot of money for a celebrity to do it, or ask one of the family to do it, or hire a completely normal outsider that usually performs ceremonies. The wedding is going to be a garden wedding, without too many people, they found an amazing location, with a flower field on one side and an artificial lake on the other.

"Let me do it" Paxton and Tommy say together, their red eyes crossing. 

"You want to marry us?" Miguel asks, his eyes narrowing.

Ben rolled his eyes.

"Yes, oh god, I'll be so good at this, please" Tommy says and he gets down on his knees now, approaches Miguel and Dylan and puts a hand on them. 

“Don't listen to him! That's my idea and he stole it! ” Paxton says, turning to them and sending his hands to them.

"We said it together, shithead," Tommy says and Paxton curls down his mouth, admits. 

"Still, I'll be so good at it, do you really want the guy who marry you to be completely tattooed?" It's a Hail Merry, but Paxton is willing to do anything.

"We'll think about it" Miguel releases his hands from Paxton's grip and lowers Tommy's hand. 

"I'll agree to get a haircut and I will not be stoned, at all" Tommy tries his luck one last time, returns to sit next to Malia and wraps his hand around her. 

"You see how much he don't know you? Who comes to a wedding sober?” Paxton says and when Dylan sends him a menacing look, Paxton signals with his hand that he is locking his lips.

Nina, who until now had been lying at Malia's feet, got up and began to smell the people again, demanding pats from the people. Miguel hold Harry the cat in his hands, Dylen is giving her a few strokes but his hand give up quickly, Devi holds the joint, and she can't pat her now, and when Nina moves to Paxton, she puts her head between his legs and he puts a hand on her, stroking her head.

The joint moves to Paxton now, and he raises his hand from Nina to grab it. The dog is unhappy, and nibble Paxton's pants, and then he folds ans shout in pain, her teeth catch (very) sensitive skin between his legs.

"Hey that's mine!" Devi says and gently removes Nina's face, the whole gang laughing out loud in light of Paxton's suffering.

"What?" Ben's voice silences everyone, and Devi completely forgets he's here, she's high and he's silent in his place, the three drags he took made him almost fall asleep.

"No, like" Devi tries to find an answer, looking at Malia in horror, trying to find answers. "It's a joke," she tries to get out of it.

Malia tries to laugh at it, to lighten the mood, and maybe to show Ben that it's really a joke, but Devi is not fooling anyone. 

"What the hell is going on between you two" Ben is upset now, his skin itch more from moment to moment. He straightens in place, no more half-lying, no more vague.

"Let's... let's talk about it outside" Devi tells him, trying to ignore the surprised faces around her. 

Ben narrows his eyebrows, but follows Devi out of the apartment. 

"It was not a wise decision," Trent says, jumping across the table, approaching the wall separating the hallway from the apartment, a thin enough wall for the gang can hear literally everything that happens outside. 

"Trent" Malia tries to propel him off the wall, but Dylan also listens to the wall now, and Tommy joins him, his ear close to the wall. 

They don't even have to pinch their ear, because Devi's conversation with Ben fills the room as if the wall is just a thin curtain. 

"what was that? Why do you sit next to him all day and when the dog bites his dick you keep her away, saying it's yours? What are you thinking, Devi? This is who you want to be with? ” Ben shouts, he's angry, and they can't see Devi, but they guess she won't take the shouts very well.

Paxton raises the music from the TV in a desperate attempt to fill the room with noise, and Tommy and Trent throw a pillow at him, turning off the TV completely a moment later. 

"You heard me break up with Jessica, Devi's part of the gang now, and she will be heard!" Trent tells him, his finger emphasizing his claim to Paxton's chest, who's sighing and giving up.

Yes, in this gang there's no such thing as privacy. 

They seem to have missed quite a bit of Devi's screams, but they quickly pick up on pieces. 

“...for the whole night, you get up for work, work out for twenty minutes, eat chicken breast with potatoes, go to the bathroom for seventeen minutes and go to work, you have not changed your day in the last three years, I am surprised when you decide to put gray socks instead of black! You're bore me, Ben, and I didn't want to do it now, and not like that, but I can't get stuck in your boring routine anymore” she accuses him now.

"Damn" Trent whispers quietly and Miguel releases a grin. Now the whole group listens, stops resisting it, they all sit on the long couch to be closer to the wall, and they listen in tension.

“So this is what you prefer? Smoking drugs all day, getting stuck in this stinking apartment, laughing at people and doing nothing all day? Is that what you want to do with your life, Devi?” Ben shouts back, and sounds like there are tears in his eyes, but Ben is still not broken.

"Do nothing? Every person in this apartment has two jobs, they support themselves, and don't trust their rich father like you, each of them has a goal, they smoke all day, right, but they have achieved much more than you succeeded, with or without drugs! ” She replay, her heart racing.

"I trust my rich dad a little bit," Trent says quietly and Dylen smack his head.

"I don't know you anymore," he said, and it was hard for listeners to hear, but Miguel provided dubbing to those who had difficulty getting up against the wall. 

"I don't want to know you anymore" Devi said and then it sounded quiet, and the elevator door opened, and closed. 

"She's coming she's coming" they all mumble, scattering in the living room, but not fast enough. 

Devi comes in and watches Miguel still against the wall, with all her friends on the long couch, looking at her with big eyes. 

"So you heard" she says and her eyes fill with tears. 

"Oh baby" Malia says and she gets up to her now for a hug. 

"Baby" the whole bunch says and grins, everyone gets up for another eight-person hug. 

-

Tommy and Malia lie in Malia's room, sprawled on the bed with their clothes on. 

"That was an eventful day," Tommy says a few moments after they lie down, looking at the ceiling. 

"Absolutely" Malia said and folded her hands behind her head, also looking at the ceiling. 

"You think Devi is okay?" He asks.

Devi is now sleeping at Tommy's place, can't return to her apartment yet, and has no plans to spend the night with Paxton. Tommy offered her his apartment, and everyone is surprised, because his apartment is his temple, messy and dirty, right, but it was his bachelor fort, with a big enough bed for a threesome, an aquarium full of condoms and big paintings he drew, some people would call them pornographic, he prefers to call them artistic.

"I think she's cleaning the apartment now" Malia knows better than just a guess, because Devi has already sent her two shocked messages about the fact that Tommy doesn't have bleach in the house. 

"So everyone's winning, great" he says and smiles, his head turning to her. 

Malia turns her body to him, looking at him with big dark eyes. 

"Have you thought about what Trent said?" Tommy asks her, raising a hand and gently passing it over Malia's arm.

"That his father's rich?" Malia purses her eyebrows, not understanding how it's related.

Tommy grins. 

"No, if we're together," he tells her after a few moments, looking at her face softening.

"Can we take it slow?" Malia asks, her voice is no more than a whisper.

Malia is scared. Two weeks ago he wanted nothing to do with her, kept her away from him for a month, making her feel unremarkable and stupid, after years of longing for him. Malia is still afraid that Tommy will turn over, walk away from her and realize that this is not his place, and now it will hurt more, now it will hurt much more, because now he is close to her and looks at her with loving eyes, and she doesn't want to think about the moment it disappears.

Tommy nods and smiles. 

"Sure," he tells her and his hand stops on her palm, holding her. "Sure," he repeats.

She is smiling now too and holding his hand tightly. 

"Would you like to go on a date with me?" He asks after a few moments.

Malia grins at him. 

"Do we have new things to talk about anymore?" She asks, her eyes locked on the blue-blue that were his eyes.

"I can stay silent next to you forever" Tommy says, raising his hand to her cheek. 

"Is this one of your lines?" Malia raises an eyebrow.

Tommy grins. 

"No," he whispers. "No lines with you" he adds and his thumb caresses her cheek.

"So okay" Malia grabs his hand and takes it off her cheek, pressing it to her lips. 

"Do you want to sleep here?" She finally asks, her eyelids heavy.

"Didn't you understand that?" He purses his eyebrows and she smiles a small smile. "I don't intend to stay away from you again."

Malia nods for a moment and wraps his hand in both of her hands, clings it to her heart and closes her eyes. 

Tommy could watch her for years, sleeping next to him, a small smile on her fleshy lips, her hands holding him with all the strength she could find in herself. He couldn't believe he was so afraid of it, of them, as if Malia had not been his only reason for true joy in recent years, as if Malia had not been his favorite person in the world. Everything makes so much sense now that she's next to him, all the anger about himself, all the fears, everything makes sense because he's never felt anything like it. Tommy never felt that heat in his heart, never knew what people were talking about in songs and books, laughing at people falling in love, because he thought they were weak, that love is an invention of giant corporation, that love is for those who cannot stand on their own. And hey, look at him, can feel his heart expanding inside him, filling with blood once again, warming up.

-

Devi spent the night in Tommy's apartment. 

Now, it's not that Devi is a cleaning freak, she didn't inherit it from Nalini, and she has never loved order like her. But she was in shock when she entered.

The apartment was small, with only one room and a living room that was connected to the kitchen, and although the apartment was small, there was a lot to deal with. The sheet on the couch was completely loose and messy, and Devi found that the sheet hid small burnt holes, probably from fallen joints. The coffee table was full of dust, in the kitchen there was an empty cup of coffee that the black had stuck to the bottom of the glass, and in the shower she saw mildew under the sink, but she is not talking about it.

Above all she don't talk about, she's not talking about Tommy's room. She doesn't think about why his bed is so big, she doesn't think about the cardboard box that was above the small closet, full of panties, scarves, necklaces and lost earrings, Devi even found red fur handcuffs there, but she's definitely not thing about it.

After tidying up the apartment, cleaning and rinsing it with lots of water and bleach (which she went to buy, she was shocked that Tommy didn't have Nalini's favorite cleaning liquid), Devi lay down on the bed (which she replaced the sheets on) and fell asleep instantly, tired from the long day and thorough cleaning. 

Devi is now drinking coffee in front of Tommy's huge TV, watching Netflix, enjoying the fact that she could sleep until late, that she can enjoy Saturday morning. 

She sees a cartoon show, but can't concentrate, the events of the previous evening return to her, flooding her with mixed feelings. She didn't want to hurt Ben, she swears, but when she gets upset she really can't control her mouth, she can't stop the angry monster coming out of her. Devi shakes her head as Ben's blue eyes come up in front of hers, hurt and angry.

'Morning' Paxton sends her at ten in the morning, stopping her guilt feelings for a moment. 

'Tommy's apartment scares me a bit' she sends him, can't ignore the large paintings on the living room and kitchen wall, some have naked women, some have a mix of colors and lines, and Devi tries not to look at it too much so as not to find meaning in the strange Rorschach test painting. 

_'It was a brave step on your part to agree to crash there'_ he sends and pauses for a moment, then continues to type. 

_'You could sleep at my place'_

Devi smiles to herself, and she's not supposed to feel so good after she breaks up with someone, but here she is, happy. 

_‘I could also not have sex with someone the day I broke up with someone else'_ she writes, hesitating, then sending. 

' _We can also just sleep, I know how to do things besides amazing sex'_

Devi smiles to herself. The sex is truly amazing.

 _'Coming for the roommates for lunch?_ ' She sends it to him after a few seconds.

_'Need a ride?'_

' _sure_ ' Devi sends and locks her phone, pinning it to her chest. 

From the moment Devi realized that boys are not 'yikes', Paxton Hall Yoshida was her little fantasy, visiting her dreams every night, and when he kissed her when they were just kids, she felt the fantasy was too good to be true, that she must be imagining. And she really imagined, she thinks, 'cause two days later he had already completely ignored her, preferring to talk to Trent and Marcus than to answer her. Then Ben kissed her, and Devi converted all of her vulnerability to attention for Ben.

Since he returned to her life, she didn't know what his place was. Everything was upside down with them, at first she was madly attracted to him and kissed him in the back seat of his car, then they became friends, laughing, listening, sharing, crying. The two weeks without Malia made them inseparable, Paxton needed a backrest, and Devi was happy to fill the role, supporting him whenever she could, clearing his face of unruly tears, stroking his hair. And then ... then Malia woke up. And they didn't know what to do with all the love that was between them, because the concern for Malia had been forgotten, and now only intimate, honest moments remained between them, and sexual tension filled the void left by the concern.

The sexual tension exploded in their face as everyone knows it will. They burned like fire that night, and since then Devi hasn't been able to forget his hands, his muscles, his lips. And if she was a sensible person, she should have probably wait until the moment after Ben came out of her life, but she is not, she acts on instincts.

Devi's eyes explored the strange painting as she recalled Paxton's feeling inside her, and with each image that came to her mind, the lines in the painting became clearer. 

It was definitely a cock and around it were lots of women's faces, in different shades and with different hair, but each one of them looked hungry for the dick. 

Okay, that's the line. 

-

Paxton picks her up at 12 p.m. 

They exchange polite words, then keep quiet, listen to music from the radio.

Then Devi drops the bomb. 

"My mom is coming tomorrow," she says, not stopping to think about it since Nalini called her, an hour before Paxton arrived. 

"Your mother," Paxton said, remembering the threatening woman. "Coming here" he repeated.

Devi nodded and kept looking forward. 

She didn't want to tell him that Ben had told her that Devi had broke up with him. Devi didn't want to drop more from Ben points, after yesterday, she didn't want him to be remembered like this, even though he told her mother that Devi's new friends smoke marijuana and that Devi also smokes occasionally.

Devi couldn't even get mad at him, even though she tried. She knew that Ben was looking at Nalini as a mother figure, as the only mother who ever cared for him. It took him a whole year to buy Nalini's trust, and then she opened her heart (and mind) and accepted his relationship with her daughter.

“She heard about us?" And Paxton doesn't mean that he slept with Devi, those for the smoking bunch that the dermatologist would never approve.

Devi nodded. 

"I told her a lot about the gang" Devi said, recalling exactly what she had told Nalini, about the new friends she had found, explaining in detail what they wanted to do in life and noting twice that they worked two jobs to support themselves. "Ben told her about the weed," Devi added.

"Ben?!" Paxton is stunned and catches a glimpse of the red Devi.

"Yes, but it's okay, she's gonna love you guys" Devi promised, with no land to stand on. 

Paxton chuckle and parks the Jeep. 

"They need to be briefed," he says as he gets out of the vehicle. 

Paxton remembers Devi's mother as a threatening woman.

Very threatening woman.


	8. Fire for you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nalini coming to NY and meet the junkies that ruined her Devi.   
> and then the couples have their first date.   
> \---  
> very explicit sex scenes.

Tommy's apartment is immaculately clean, but a moment after Nalini puts down her bags, Devi quickly pulls her away, afraid she's going to figure out what the paintings on the walls are, describing them as 'abstract art' when Nalini see them. 

Devi directs her to the roommates' apartment, texting them that the eagle lands in the next five minutes. 

As they get on the elevator, Nalini recoils from the tremor of the elevator stopping on the right floor, and tells her that it's not safe at all. 

Devi knocks on the door, a thing she hasn't done in the past month, and opens it slowly. 

She tries not to laugh when they enter. 

On the round table, where there are usually rolling products and drug boxes, was a vase with a single blue flower. The couch was tidy, for the first time in years, and the white cushions were fluffed and perfectly clean, arranged diagonally on the sides of the couch, which Devi noticed, for the first time, was deep blue. The television was open on National Geographic and dust-free, the books beneath it were arranged and Devi wondered if ‘War and Peace’ and ‘A Brief History of Mankind’ had always been there. The floor was perfectly clean, with no Nina or Harry fur at all, and a delicate lavender scent was in the air, instead of the usual pungent marijuana smell.

But that's not what made Devi almost laugh. Malia wore a long dress with flowers, her long hair gathered, even though everyone knew that if Malia was at home, she was wearing a baggy pants and an old shirt. Tommy wore a shirt that completely hide his tattoos (except for the finger tattoos because he felt like gloves were too much), his curls sit in perfect order on his head and his eyes wasn't even a bit red. Miguel and Dylan stood at a reasonable distance from each other (Devi said Nalini had no problem with gays, but they preferred to play it safe), both wearing buttoned and ironed shirts. Trent made her laugh more than anyone else, his hair gathered into a tense roll behind his head, his face completely shaved and he was the first they saw when they entered, taking advantage of one second too late to push the shirt in his pants. Paxton stood in the back, almost afraid of Nalini, his hair combed and his shirt is light green, spotless and straightened.

"Hello!" Trent begins, bit stronger than required, and everyone shoot their eyes to him.

This is not how they worked on it. 

Malia approaches first, greets Nalini in Hindu (she learned the words especially for today, Devi worked with her on the words for hours), and thus made it clear to her that there is another Indian with an exemplary education like Devi. 

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Vishwakumar" Dylan is the next to talk to Nalini, his face bright and his voice formal. "Dylan Staks" he introduces himself and Nalini smiles at him.

Don't be mistaken and think that Nalini doesn't know exactly what's happening here. Her eyes are sharper than her daughter's, she can see the ashtray on the porch, she sees the tattoos peeking out of one of the guys' necks and fingers she sees Dr. STD standing behind the Indian girl, and he's her last concern here, because the boy who studied with Devi in class, the guy with the way-too-long hair, still trying to shove the back of his shirt into the pants in a movement that tries to be unnoticeable, but that's all Nalini can seen.

One by one they approached her, presenting themselves with an unbelievable formality on these 24-year-old kids. Nalini is polite, smiling at them and nodding, but she don't buy it. Marijuana smokers like them, she can smell the smell on any of them, each and every reefer smoker.

After they finish introducing themselves, they sit down around the dining table (a folding table they arranged next to the living room, with mismatched chairs and a tablecloth that was way too long), Malia, who also had a few tattoos peeking out of her (less than the blue-eyed guy) , served Dum Aloo Lakhnawi and chicken in curry and rice with herbs, and Nalini is ready to judge the cook. 

Devi sends her a warning look when Nalini tastes it, and she doesn't understand it. Nalini doesn't understand how her daughter can find friends among this bunch of potheads, she doesn't understand what the attraction is to these future-less people, and doesn't understand what the problem is with people like Ben, or people from the law firm that Devi intern in, where there are probably no people with tattoos and piercings . Nalini doesn't know how from Princeton, her daughter end up in a drug den in New York.

Nalini tastes, and she is not suffering. The flavors are almost right, the seasoning is right, the cooking time is also right. It wasn't a masterpiece, but it was delicious.

"Well done, Malia" Nalini is almost surprised when she says this. 

Malia smiles back, pleased with herself. 

"I wanted to consult with you about storing the spices, if you have time," Malia says, and she practiced that question as well. 

"Of course" Nalini smiles at her and continues to eat. 

"So after dinner we'll go downtown a bit, see Central Park, the Statue of Liberty, whatever you want" Devi breathes again, happy to see her mother smiling. 

"Sounds like we have a busy day," Nalini says, looking at the table. "I want to hear a little bit about the good friends you made here," she almost added, 'that tuned you to a hopeless junkie,' but stay silent.

Devi smiles again, knowing they practiced well on the next part. 

"of course! We have Dylan, Malia and Paxton here who work at the station— ”Devi begins to tell and Nalini stops her with a sure hand.

"From them," she says, emphasizing every word. 

"Oh" Devi sighs and the pressure starts to climb to her again. 

**"I'm Trent and I work as a security guard until I start the police academy,"** Trent says suddenly, his voice almost robotic, and much louder than required. 

Nalini is surprised by the volume and almost choke from the lemonade she drank. 

" _Okay_ ," Dylan says after a few moments of awkward silence, which made it difficult for Devi to breathe. "I work at the radio station, along with Malia and Paxton, as Devi mentioned," he began, much more naturally than Trent. "I study programming in the evenings and I'm engaged to Miguel" Dylan puts his hand on his partner who smiles in response.

"As what you working at the radio station?" Nalini harsh, even though the boy's face looks almost childish, if his thick blond bristles wasn't there.

"I'm a technical man, I've been working there for three years," he says, and Devi is surprised by his ability to stay so calm. 

Nalini nods sharply and her eyes move to his partner. 

"I work in the NY Aquarium and in the evening as a designer's seamstress," Miguel says, Dylan's hand getting stronger on his. "I plan to enroll to fashion studies," he adds.

"At this age you have not yet studied?" Nalini raises an eyebrow.

"Yes, my parents in Mexico, can't help me financially, so I have been saving for it for a few years now" he answers her and enjoy her surprised eyes. 

After another sip of the lemonade, she nods and moves on.

"Paxton Hall Yoshida" she tells him, remembers his name well, the uneducated boy who courted her Devi for a while, and Ben says that he is why they broke up. 

"Hey," he says, a little stressed. "I work at the radio station, a music editor, and as a barista in a cafe, I studied music in Colombia," Paxton says, trying to hide the sweat on his forehead.

"You studied music?" She asks, belittling the profession.

"Yes, music history and its origins, I know how to play the piano and guitar" he says, trying to sound confident, noting the hardest things during his studies. 

"And you dating a girl now?" Nalini raises her eyebrow. "Or a boy?" Her eyes pop unintentionally to Dylan and Miguel.

Paxton looks at Devi for a second, her gaze buried deep in her plate. 

"Not right now," he replies. He feels in a job interview, when the job is the ability to be friends with Devi.

Nalini doesn't nod this time (and Paxton tries not to think of it as an ominous sign) and her eyes move to Trent for a moment, then skip to Tommy. 

"I studied graphics and illustration" he didn't mention the name of the school, it wasn't a big university. "I work in a cafe," Tommy says, knowing it won't be enough for her.

"Devi told me you all work two jobs," Nalini notes, her voice sharp. 

Tommy thinks for a moment. 

"I worked for a big gaming company, but I made some mistakes and had to bear the consequences," he says after finding the most diplomatic answer he could find. 

Nalini not nodding again, and her eyes move to Malia now. Nalini didn't realize it, but her eyes were softer, Devi told her in a trembling voice when her friend was injured.

"I work as a music editor for the radio station and give private English lessons to high school students," she says with feigned confidence, frightened of the sharp woman, but does not show it. 

Devi didn't know that Malia teaches private lessons. 

"And you live here?" Nalini asks, her eyebrow raised again.

"Yes, along with Trent, Dylan and Miguel" she says Trent's name quickly, as if not mentioning him. 

"And what do your parents say about that?" She asks, knowing that Indian parents would never approve of such a thing.

"My mother passed away four years ago, my father was never in the picture" Malia says that confidently, her voice not shaking for a moment. 

Nalini nods and her eyes drop for a moment from the Indian girl's face. 

"Sorry to hear that," she says, smiling at Malia. 

The round is over, and they almost breathe a sigh of relief, but Nalini opens her mouth again. 

"You all work two jobs and still smoke marijuana all day?" She says, her eyebrows high in her face, her eyes narrowing. She doesn't compromise on the best for her only daughter, and if she has to ask the unpleasant questions, she has no problem with it.

There is silence on the table. 

"Marijuana got a bad name many years ago, now it is given as a natural remedy for a large number of mental disorders and physical ailments" Malia begins and smiles at Nalini. "Marijuana is a natural medicine for us too, it helps us focus on what's important, instead of drinking our grief, we smoke and talk about our quandary, it helps us relax after a long day and sort out our thoughts" she continues. Malia made this speech many times, every time someone told her something on the subject she would pull out her best and most eloquent things.

Nalini is surprised by the high words that came out of the girl. 

"I know many parents who smoke at the end of the day and they say it helps them to be calmer, more accepting and gives them a place of refuge from the stress of everyday life" Malia says and then sips her lemonade. 

Nalini will not be sold in a few big words, but they seem to have an answer to every question of hers, invasive and difficult as it may have been. So she says nothing, like her parents would do, don't admit to their mistake, just move on.

They continue to eat quietly, moving dips and salads from one side of the table to the other, talking about the weather and politics. 

When it comes to the part where Trent usually burps aloud, and Malia starts rolling a joint of after a meal, they continue to sit, staring at Devi in anticipation. 

"Would you like to join our trip?" Nalini asks Malia, and only Malia, her eyes focused on her.

Malia smiles and nods, but then the guy next to her opens his mouth. 

"I'd love to come too, I didn't visited Empire State in a long time" Tommy says, placing his hand on Malia's. 

Paxton jumps at the opportunity too. 

"I'll also love to come," he says, looking for a reason in his mind. "We have a lot of catching up to do, Mrs. Vishwakumar" Paxton finally says, his voice lower with every word he says.

His friends looked at him in confusion.

"I want to come too!" Trent says and they all turned their eyes to him, this time in deep disappointment.

"No, Trent, I need you to help me with the..." Miguel is looking for an excuse with all his might, "Vows!" He says finally, happy to have managed to find reasonable excuse.

"But they'll see the blue woman—" Trent begins and Dylan coughs out loud. 

"No, you have to help Miguel," Dylan says, his voice more decisive. 

It's not like they didn't plan this, they already told Trent he can't come. Malia is going with them to get Nalini on her good side, Paxton coming because he really want Nalini to approve him, and Tommy is coming just to show the mom that there's worse then Paxton. 

"Well" Trent sighs and rolls his eyes, thinking to himself that Miguel will have to get along without him someday. 

"So Malia, Tommy and Paxton join!" Devi says, having a hard time not laughing at the exchange.

"How fun, like a field trip," Nalini says, unhappy that the two boys jumped at the chance to hang out with her daughter. 

Ten minutes later, in Paxton's car, Malia, Paxton and Tommy sit and smoke a small joint, only to digest the food and prepare for a day full of investigation and pretense. 

Devi and Nalini drove in her mother's car. 

"You have some really nice friends," Nalini opens. 

"Yes, they really made me feel at home here" 

"And there are some I would rather have you stay away from," Nalini continues, watching her daughter's reaction through the mirror. 

Devi is silent. 

"For example, the guy with the tattoos, Tommy, I don't like him, he uses the fact that he admits his mistakes as if it solves them" Nalini begins. "And Trent, he's been a weird bird since school, I remember him, but here it seems the marijuana burned the remnants of his brain cells," Nalini continues her critique.

"They really-" 

"And Paxton, I do not trust him, he looks at you as if he intends to put a baby in you" she continues and Devi sighs. “He studied music, which I do not understand why Colombia teaches this at all, and works as a barista? In the cafe? ” Nalini shakes her head. "awful".

Devi gets upset with every word that goes by, and it's been years since she's argued with her mother, but it seems to be making a big comeback. 

“They really tried to impress you, yesterday they cleaned the apartment for hours, ironed shirts I chose for them to get your approval, and Tommy? Tommy lets me crash in his apartment because I was a little sad, and learned for hours details about the Empire State we are going to see to impress you" Devi begins, gaining speed with each passing word.

"He knew he was coming w-” 

“And Trent? Trent is not the sharpest pencil, but he has a heart of gold, and he is the one who made sure to bring the table, so that you have a place to eat at as you like, and you didn't even smiled at him" Devi stop to breathe.

"I think I smiled-" 

“And Paxton studied music, and although he had a hard time with the theoretical part, he was the outstanding student of his class, and he works his ass-” Devi stop for a moment,

“He work hard to own a small apartment, and if there is anything he is not, is awful, because he is smarter than Ben, who knows only to answer about legal things, while Paxton reads, sees, travels and experiences things Ben can only dream of, ” Devi says aloud, breathing once more. 

Nalini is silent now.

She is silent for a long time, Devi's words fill her head. She has a tendency to be picky about her daughter's friends, of curse she has, from the moment the bar was set so high by Eleanor and Fabiola, the outstanding students. But it could be that Nalini exaggerated, and it could be that Nalini doesn't see the big picture.

Because these kids are really good kids. They would never try so much, clean the apartment, clean themselves, talk like robots, if they didn't truly love Devi. Nalini wonders if the lawyers at Devi's firm would have done such a thing, and concludes that they might not have had to do it, but they wouldn't do it for no one.

"They are good kids" Nalini finally says, and moments later, they reach the ferry to the Statue of Liberty. 

They meet with Tommy, Paxton and Malia, and Tommy begins to tell all the facts he learned, and Nalini tested him, but with much less judgment than before. She talks to Malia, and when she realizes that Paxton is her best friend here, she doubts Malia's judgment for a few moments. But then Paxton buys them drinks and Nalini watches him give the change to a beggar, and it buys her, just a little bit. Maybe a good heart is more important than higher education.

They later go to the Empire State building, after a ride that was supposed to be 20 minutes, and busy New York turned into a 45-minute drive. In Empire State Tommy loads them with facts about the place again and Malia take photos of Devi and Nalini, Paxton and Tommy jumping into the frame after a few pictures, making Nalini laugh out loud.

In Central Park, they sit on one of the connected benches and Nalini buys them ice cream, and Devi feels she won that day. 

"You two are engaged too?" Nalini asks as she looks at Tommy and Malia, who share a look and then laugh for a moment.

"No, we haven't even went on a date yet," Tommy says, but his hand has reached Malia's. 

Nalini is surprised, the two didn't move away from each other all day, they didn't do more than hold hands, at least in front of Nalini, but Tommy looked at Malia as if he was going to propose to her every moment, and she knew him and his subsequent actions as if Malia was part of his mind. 

"I'll count it for you as a date" Malia tells Tommy sitting next to her, and lick her strawberry ice cream. 

"Don't," Tommy replies with a bastard smile. "If you think that day was good, wait until you see the date I'm preparing for you," he tells her and winks.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Paxton tells him on the other end and Devi giggles. 

"Wait and see, this will be the best date this world ever seen" Tommy smiles, so confident that even Nalini wanted to know what would be on the date. 

Nalini shows interest in these children, who behave like adults, traveling, living alone, knowing New York as if they had lived here for decades. She begins to like the tattooed guy, who shows her that on the inside of his arm, just above his armpit, there is a small Ganesh tattoo; Tommy says he just loves the look of the Indian god, which is almost enough for Nalini. Paxton, the thorn in this flower field, turns out to be a funny boy, behaving with excessive affection for his friends and her Devi, always making room for her on the bench, always letting her talk before him, looking at her with big brown eyes, almost like a Golden Retriever. 

Nalini was the hardest with him, she swears, that she questioned him in every way possible, about his family, his parents' relationship and his sister, his jobs, his studies, his apartment, his relationships, but she found nothing. The boy was polished, error-free, and even when she thought she had found something, thought he had just given up swimming, he explained to her in a steady voice about the accident he had. She finds herself enjoying listening to him, He really was in a lot of places, he knows a lot about the world and the city he lives in, he tells interesting stories and knows how to leave his listeners waiting for the next word. Nalini wanted to not love him, she really wanted to tell Ben, when she got home, that he was right and that Devi's friends were terrible, and that Paxton was the worst, but she couldn't.

Nalini is starting to like these boys, and even enjoying their company now, otherwise she wouldn't have bought them ice cream. 

When evening falls, they get in their cars, Devi drives this time, and return home, Devi and Nalini return to Tommy's apartment, Nalini will sleep in the big bed, Devi will sleep on the pull-out couch, all to keep Nalini away from the living room and the paintings that will appear in Devi's nightmares. 

"Did you had fun today?" Devi asks, looking at Nalini, showered and in her pajamas in the big bed.

Nalini smiled. 

"Yes, Kan'yā," she tells her in a conciliatory voice. "You have very good friends here," Nalini adds.

Devi couldn't stop her smile, she suspected that Nalini was starting to love her friends, but hearing her say that was ... a lot. 

"I'm so glad you think so" she says and runs to bed, hugging her mother. 

"You made the right decision when you moved to here," Nalini says to Devi's ear, crushing her with a strong hug. "I'm proud of you".

\----------------------------------------------

This is a day of first dates. 

Malia and Devi In Malia's room, Devi arranges Malia's hair in large braids, one that will fit exactly to the dress that Devi chose for her. Devi is already dressed and ready, she has been sleeping for the last few days in the roommate's apartment, Trent is back home for his sister's wedding and it happened just in time because Devi started dreaming about the erotic paintings in Tommy's house.

"So you know where he's taking you already?" Devi asks Malia, looking at her through the mirror.

Malia shakes her head. 

"No, he says it's a surprise" 

"And you have no explanation for why he insisted it would be today, when he promised you the date a week ago?" Devi asked and Malia shook her head again

"Paxton said they didn't coordinate it, that it wasn't planned" is all the information Malia has. 

"Yeah, but I know Pax is planning to take me to a restaurant, and that's the only day there was a table available," Devi said, finishing with Malia's hair, going to pick her a lipstick from the selection Miguel bought for her. 

"Ready for the date with Paxton?" Malia's voice rises with the hint she made, winking at Devi who blushed in response.

"I think," she says and smiles. "are you excited? I know you and Tommy didn't... ” Devi said, looking at Malia's shame.

"Hey," she say. "Get your head out of the gutter, we decided to take it slow" Malia explains.

"You didn't kiss since the hospital, it's not slow, it's not moving, Mali" Devi tried to make Malia understand her intention, and she doesn't mean to laugh at Malia, she really cares about her. 

"It's weird to switch from good friends to people who kiss ... even though it's what I'd wanted for a long time, it's still funny to me that he wan-” Malia can't finish the sentence, because Miguel enters the room. 

"I don't wanna hear no, I'm too young to be an uncle" Miguel throws a lot of condoms on them in different colors and sizes, and the two laugh. 

"Ever heard on the pill?" Devi asks, pushing him out of the room.

"Double pack, double pack that dick!" He shouts as Devi closes the door again and they laugh.

The thought of the need in using a condom with Tommy bothers Malia in the head, and she tries to fight it, it's not the time for this insecurities shit, but Devi catches her worried, her eyebrows clenched. 

"What is it?" Devi asks and sits down on the bed, turning Malia's chair so she can look at her.

"He's so thin," Malia says after a long deliberation. "What if he won't be attracted to me?" She asks quietly, trying to control her voice.

Devi narrows her eyebrows. 

“We talking about Tommy?" Devi asks, a smile on her face. "Tommy, who, beside the fact that he fucks everything that has a tit, singular, and ass, and lets face it, you been blessed in these areas" Devi says and her eyes look at Malia's curvy body. "You are amazing, and Tommy has been kissing the ground you have been stepping on for the past weeks" she continues, placing a hand on Malia's knee.

Malia nods, her thoughts still running, but she can deal with it now.

"you ready?" Malia asks and stands up, looking at herself in the mirror one last time. The dress is yellow and flowy, and with her denim jacket it looks good enough to her. Devi rocked her outfit, with a short white wool dress, black tights and a long trench-coat.

The two leave the room and go to the living room, where Paxton and Tommy are waiting, Paxton in a crisp blue buttoned up, Tommy in black jeans, a white tic-tac-toe shirt and a black leather jacket. They looked so handsome that Miguel and Dylan couldn't take their eyes off them, and the boys looked at the girls with big eyes.

They got out, Paxton gets in his jeep with Devi, Malia gets into the Uber that Tommy invited them to, and that's how she know they're going to drink, or smoke a lot today. 

That's a good sign. 

"Okay, you want to guess where you're going?" Tommy starts and looks excited.

"I can try," Malia says, giving exactly one chance for Tommy's guessing game. 

"Okay, two words, eight letters in the first one, seven on the other" he smiles a big smile, hoping she'll get it. 

"Hmm" Malia tries to think. "Barbaric kingdom?" These are the first words that come to her mind and she gets a shocked face from Tommy.

"Barbaric kingdom?" He looks at her, confused. "what even is it? No” he laughs out loud, his head thrown back.

"So where we going?" Malia asks and plants a small hit on his the laughing guy. 

"I'll tell you in a minute," he says, and after a few minutes they arrive at Madison Square Garden. 

"What the fuck" Malia whispers to herself and before she can get out and see the signs, Tommy runs to her door and blocks her vision, but lets her out of the car. 

“Kendrick concert," he tells her as the Uber drive away, and paying so much for tickets from a scouter was worth the expression on her face. 

"Kendrick Lamar?" Malia asks, trying to figure out Tommy's intention before she gets too excited.

"Lamar, Kendrick Lamar" Tommy nods and his smile catches her, and now her smile is huge, almost touching her ears. 

"We have tickets to a Kendrick Lamar's show ?!" She asks once more, and she starts dragging Tommy towards the entrance.

"Yes, I told you it will be good" he smiles, running after her now. "First row," he says.

Malia pauses, and Tommy laughs out loud again. 

" _First row_?" She shouts now, and he laughs louder.

As they enter the place, the warm-up show is on the stage, and Malia recognizes him and moves to the rhythmic music, causing Tommy to dance along with her. 

When Kendrick takes the stage, Tommy can swear that for a moment Malia forgot he's even there, and he could understand. Malia dreamed of being on Kendrick's concert since she heard him for the first time, about ten years ago, and until she bought tickets to the show, Corona virus came and destroyed all of her plans.

But then he starts, and Malia knows every word, and with her smoker's lungs, she hits every word in the fast rap, her eyes sparkling, her smile can't go down. Malia dances and moves, and she's so free that Tommy can stay there forever. He never seen her dance like that when she wasn't drinking or on magic mushrooms, she was dancing like an amazon and Tommy was all for it.

" _I need some water_ " Tommy sang in her ear when her favorite song started. 

" _Something came over me, way too high to simmer down, might as well overheat, too close to comfort, as blood rush my favorite vein, heartbeat racin' like a junkie's, i just need you to want me_ " The couple sings together with the rapper , Tommy stands behind her and wraps her arms around him, Malia resting her head on him. 

When the concert ends, Malia's heartbeat can't stop racing, her smile can't be erased, and Tommy's happy. 

"It was perfect" she tells him and doesn't move from their place next to the stage, turns to him and wraps his neck in both hands. 

"Oh, you think it's over?" Tommy raises an eyebrow, teasing her.

"there's more?" She asks, stunned.

"You'll see" he smiles and presses her body to him. 

They're close enough for Tommy to kiss her at last, and it no longer feels weird to her, so Tommy hovers over her face, his nose runs over her skin for a moment, then he kisses her. 

Malia clings to him, in a euphoria she never felt before, lets him enter her mouth, interrogates her, and she in turn, tastes the mint gum he chewed on the ride, playing with his mouth as she pleases. 

Tommy moved away first, looks at her for a few moments, then pulls her out, and she runs after him. 

They're on Uber again, and this time they sit closer, and Tommy's lips find her mouth during the ride, kissing her gently this time, slowly and sensually. 

This time Malia don't recognize the place, and until Tommy enters one of the buildings, she is not sure where to go. He leads her to the elevator, and presses the thirty-seventh floor, the last one.

"I asked a friend I worked with in Rockstar for his roof," Tommy explains to her confused face. 

Malia smiles, she loves the view of New York so much. 

When they arrive, they go up a few more steps and finally go out to the roof, where there was a wide sofa that looked horribly comfortable (and Malia has been on her feet a lot so far), a speaker that played quiet music, a bag with rolled joints, a large grape bowl and candles scattered everywhere. 

"Tommy," she says, excited by the very idea of doing such a thing. No one ever cared for her like that, never knew her like that.

"You like it?" Tommy asks, excited as a happy child, and he leads her forward, placing her in front of the view of New York, little lights on a black background, tall buildings and streetlights, all illuminating the black night.

“I love it” Malia seen New York in many nights, but it felt like the lights were shining brighter, just in their honor, and the sky was darker, just for them.

They sit on the couch, smoke and eat grapes. Tommy tells her about the work he went through to get the tickets for the show, and tells her about the job interview he went to yesterday, believing he did well. Malia listens, and when Tommy wants to hear from her, she doesn't hesitate, feeling more comfortable than ever. She tells him about her high school, and music studies, and then she tells him about her mother, about losing her and the fear she had, she couldn't live without her mother. Then Malia tells him about Zoe, that she is so proud of her for what a woman she grows up to be, a leading architect at, so young, only 22, Zoe was Malia's main source of pride. Tommy shares with her about the only normal family he had before moving into the last house, the normal family didn't allow alcohol in the house, not one of them did drugs, they didn't get angry, didn't shout, but gave up on him because once Tommy brought a black girl home, and they called him a sinner while packing his clothes. Malia makes him forget about them, curling up in his arms, and he kisses her head.

"I was so scared I ruined everything," he tells her after a few minutes that they are staring at the black sky. "I was afraid you wouldn't want to talk to me anymore and that I wouldn't be able to apologize if you didn't wake up" Tommy rests his chin on her head.

"I'm here," Malia says, "And it's behind us," she whispers, closing her eyes, head resting on him.

"I know" he tells her and his hand goes over her arms, up and down, warming her. 

Malia grabs his hand that moves over her and puts it under her arm, placing it on her stomach. Tommy tightens his grip, and when he's sure she's okay with it, raises his hand to her chest.

She look up, just enough to look into his questioning eyes. Malia smiles and kisses him again, puts one hand on his cheek, and he wraps his hand around her, lays her on the wide couch.

"It's OK?" He asks quietly, his gaze searching for the warmth in her eyes.

Malia nods. 

"I'll need verbal contest for what I'm going to do to you," Tommy says, planting a kiss on the back of her neck. "I'm known as the sex wizard around here."

Malia laughs and pulls his face again, kissing him. 

"Yes, show me what you got" she says and he smiles and puts a long hand under her dress and undresses her body in a sharp motion, lifting her back with one sure hand. 

Malia starts to think about her body, which she tries to tell everyone she loves, but late at nights in her room, she's a bit ashamed of. But she doesn't have much time to think about it, because Tommy kisses her breasts in her lace bra. 

"Fuck" he whispers to himself as he rolls his eyes at her body. So beautiful, with curves that emphasized her femininity, with full breasts and a thick waist, and many times Tommy needed to have something to grab when he fucks, and she looks just like he needed, tanned, smooth, taut, beautiful.

Malia blushes and giggles, her skin sensitive under his arms and tongue. She runs her fingers to his skin, trying to lift his shirt, but he stop her and moves his tongue away from her breasts.

"The concert isn't the only reason I waited a week" he says and Malia raises an eyebrow. 

So Tommy takes off his shirt, revealing on his chest a tattoo of her white butterfly, as she had described it to him for hours, and he painted until she said it was him, it was her butterfly. 

"Hey" she says and runs delicate fingers over the skin, stroking her butterfly one more. 

"He look like you butterfly?" Tommy asks, waiting for a response beyond 'Hi', and Malia smiles a big smile.

"It's him," she whispers, continuing to stroke him, then averting her eyes from the butterfly and looking into his eyes. "You are my butterfly," she says and gets to watch his teeth reveal with a big smile.

Tommy returns to her skin, releases her bra in a skillful motion (and now Malia somewhat thank god he had so much experience), crushing her breasts with a strong, white hand over her brown skin. His hand incites her panties and takes them off, and he moves away only for a moment to place the panties at the far end of the couch, then returns to her face, his hand between her legs, stroking her thighs, teasing.

With every touch between her legs, but not where Malia needed, her skin becomes more sensitive, and now she presses her legs, locking his hand between her thighs. 

"I'm gon' make you feel it," Tommy says as his teeth release her earlobe. 

Malia sighs, releasing his hand from between her legs, and he touches her again with a ghostly touch, causing her to go crazy between his hands. 

"Tommy" she whisper, and he listens and finally touch her, one finger enter between her folds, reaches the hiding clitoris and starts teasing it, touching and moving away, until she moans loudly again, and he knows he reached the right place. 

While his lips kiss her again for a few moments, another finger follows the first and enters between her, this time settling into her entrance, resting there for a few moments until he carefully push her in and Malia wraps her leg around him, pressing his pelvis to her, implying she needs him. 

"Patience" he whispers to her and she sigh, slides her leg from his pelvis, folds it and opens her legs more. "So obedient" Tommy raises his eyebrows for a second and smiles, making her blush again.

His hand continue to play between her legs, spreading the moisture to every bit of skin, then he puts another finger in her, receiving a faint moan from her. 

"If that's how you respond to two fingers..." he says and presses his lips to her neck, biting her soft skin. 

Malia blushes again and her eyes look up at the sky as his lips reach her breasts, lightly biting her nipple, and his hand continues to do amazing things between her legs, and she feels it in her, she feels herself cumming from one skilled finger and two inside her cunt. 

She grabs his hair and presses it to her skin, he licks every piece of skin that appears in front of him and increases the pace, his finger rubs her clit, his fingers move inside her. 

"Tommy" Malia moans as she begins to shake, cumming under his hands, her nipple between his teeth, his blue eyes looking at her and smiling around her. 

"You are so beautiful" he says and his hand comes out of her after a few moments, leaving her empty and panting. Tommy connect his lips to her for a brief moment. "Especially when you cum" he smiles and kisses her again.

Now Malia feels the bulge pressed against her, and she reaches out, her eyes asking as she strokes the bulge. 

“I've wanted this for so long, Mali” He kiss her shortly and pull back, straightening his back.

Tommy takes off his pants with one hand and a strong movement with his legs, and only his underwear interferes with her hands touching him now, so he takes off them quickly. 

Now, Malia has seen beautiful dicks in her life. She saw a black cock one time, and it was magnificent, thick and shaped, but she had never seen a circumcised cock. And not in that size. She knew Tommy was blessed in the area, it's Miguel's repeated joke after seeing him shower once, but she didn't know at what level.

His cock was beautiful, long and thick, with a dark dome and slight curve up, which Malia _needed_ to feel inside her. 

She extends her hand and runs delicate fingers along it and then wraps him, surprised, again, at the thickness that thin Tommy has. 

"Damn," she whispers in his ear, and he releases a chuckle, kissing her ear. 

Tommy move away and picking something out of his thrown jeans, opening the condom and put it on his dick slowley.

Malia leads his cock with a sure hand to her entrance as he grabs her breasts. 

He enters between her folds, but not her, touches with his dome at her clit a few times and then enters her slowly, making her feel every inch, every bit that fills her and makes her moan loudly. 

"Holly motherfu -" she moans and closes her eyes when he's all inside her, touching farther than anyone ever could, revealing new parts to her. 

"Open your eyes," he tells her quietly, moving his lips away from her shoulder and looking at her. 

Malia does what Tommy says, her eyes locked on his blue eyes. 

"Good girl," he says, and Malia didn't know she liked being called like that, but now that all she want him to say. 

"Tomm-" she groan as he begins to move, her hands gripping his back hard enough for her nails to leave a mark. 

Tommy comes out halfway, then comes back in, slow, sensual, his hand holding her waist with increasing strength. When her moans start to sound too short for him, he picks up the pace, and now she mumbles vague words to his ear, and with every word he need to hear her more.

"Fuckingmothefuckingshitwhatthe..." she mumbles and he lowers his hand from her waist and his thumb now plays with her throbbing clit, rubs for a few moments and then move away, patting and stopping, rubbing her hard for a moment and then push. "Fucking shit, Tommy" she moans loudly as he pulls his thumb away from her for a few moments.

Tommy is sorry he laughed at her for doing Kegel exercises, because damn, she's squeezing her entrance around him now, releasing and shrinking again, and he can barely control his pace, she's hot and wraps him in every way possible, her walls tight on his cock and her words, her moans causing him to lose every fraction of control he had. 

Tommy puts his forehead on the socket of her neck, kisses and licks her skin, and he's quick now, hard, every push makes her move between his hands, and her body is shaking, and he's mesmerized by the sight of her breasts vibrating under his chest.

"Fucking shit yourself, Malia" Tommy says and raises his head, his pace changes, and he moves inside her now, slow but equally strong. "You are amazing" he whispers to her and Malia lifts her hands from his back and interweaves between his curls, pressing his head to her lips, reaches his lips.

When he kisses her, he can feel his about to come, and he will die if he'll come before she had her second orgasm, so his hand moves from leaving marks on her ass to her clit, and she moans loudly as his thumb returns to her clit, building her orgasm faster, causing her to grab his hair tightly. 

"Thomas" she says without even knowing what she said, she calls him like that only when she is angry with him, and cums, apparently, because she is shaking again, her second orgasm reaches its peak, her leg is wrapped around him, he clings to her in a strong motion and he stays there, because he too come, and bites her shoulder hard, releasing everything that has been waiting inside him for so long. 

Malia is shaking from the power that the feeling inside her, and she thanks God that she is on a pill and not even close to her fertile days, because even though the condom was there, she almost feel the sperm inside her. 

"Holly fucking shit" he says as his breath returns to him after a few moments and he comes out of her, lies down next to her and lifts her head, placing her on his chest. 

Malia gasps at him and listens to his heart beating fast, galloping. 

Tommy's hand goes up to her hair and he strokes her head slowly. 

"Thank you" he tells her, and he never felt the need to say 'thank you' after sex, but it was a different sex, it was amazing, it was a completely different world, and the fact that his heart feels so wide, so full, it's just because it's Malia, His Malia. 

Malia laughs. 

"My name is the sex wizard around here” she grins and raises her head, kisses him again, her heart pounding. She was so scared to do it, scared that Tommy wouldn't like what he'll see, and she wanted so badly to do it, for years, longing for the blue eyes and the smug smile, and now that she done it, it exceeded all her expectations, and all the nights she masturbated while she thought of him, it surpasses any sex she has ever had.

Fucking Thomas. 

-

Devi and Paxton have finished the tasting menu at the Red Rooster, a restaurant that Devi has wanted to try since arriving in New York and has never found a table. They leave the restaurant, after Devi tried to pay and Paxton almost laughed at her face, thinking it was lovely she wanted to pay, But not today. 

They are now walking to the lights of New York, their hands clasped. 

"The next part involves a short drive, but I promise it will be good," Paxton says, and now they get in his jeep, and drive. 

A memory takes over him as the song on the radio sings about fire, and he looks at Devi and places a hand on the armrest, inviting her hand to it. 

Devi feels a deja vu, and she knows that this time she will make the right choice, so she placing her hand between his fingers, holding him tightly. 

They both smile and stay quiet, and Paxton sometimes sings with the singer on the radio, sometimes he listens to music and his thumb runs on Devi's soft hand. 

When he stops the car, Devi doesn't understand what they are doing there. 

The New York Aquarium should be closed by afternoon. 

But Paxton pulls out a key from his pocket, grabs a blanket and a cloth bag full of things she didn't know what they are, and walks over to the door as if he owns the place. 

"Just try not to show your face to the cameras in case they'll found out," he says, and Devi still doesn't quite understand, but does what he tells her. 

He leads her inside, and now he lets her lift her face and look around, at the walls of the water, full of colorful fish. 

"Miguel works here" Devi finally understands what's happening. 

Paxton laughs. 

"Obviously, how could I ever get the keys?" He asks and keeps walking, pulling her hand to follow him.

When they reach a room that has only one entrance, the walls are round and it look kinda like ... a glass igloo. Large fish, blue and orange, swam slowly from end to end. Paxton spreads a blanket on the floor and takes out a bottle of wine and two glasses of hard plastic from the bag.

"Welcome to the illegal world" he says and winks at her, and Devi smiles at him as he pours her a glass of wine and sits down next to him.

"Do you usually bring girls here?" Devi raises an examining eyebrow.

"I won't lie to you" Paxton begins, and it's not a strong start. "I brought one girl to the aquarium, but she didn't come in here, and I didn't bring wine, and I didn't care about her, I cared about getting into her pants," he continues.

Devi appreciates the honesty. 

So she says nothing on the subject and drinks the wine, her eyes floating on the fish and corals in the water. 

They are silent, and it's not an embarrassing silence, it is pleasant for them to be silent next to each other. They sit with their backs together, their heads resting on each other, their eyes moving on the many fish, noticing new types with each passing moment, noting and pointing.

When the two think they have discovered all the types of fish in the room, they lie on their backs and look at the glass ceiling, at the fish that were up, and then they find out about the fish that love the shallow water, and start pointing at them. 

"You really screwed me back then," Paxton says after the fish he followed disappeared from his vision. "And it's scaring me now, whatever happening here" He continues, not daring to look at her, knowing he will lose his courage if he does.

"I'm sorry-" Devi begins but Paxton stops her. 

"I don't need you to be sorry, Devi. I just need you to know that,” his voice is sure, steady. "I need you to not pick someone else when someone pops up," Paxton says, and he's so vulnerable at this moment.

Devi nods. 

"I don't want anyone else" she says after a short silence, and now she turns to him and looks at him, put her palm on his cheek. "You all I need," Devi adds, and now he's finally looking at her.

"Fuck, that's good to hear" Paxton sighed and smiled, turning his body towards her and placing a hand on her waist. 

They press their foreheads and breathe each other for a brief moment before clenching their mouths, and kissing for a long time. Devi's hands wander under his shirt, pinning him to her.

But Paxton didn't bring her to sleep with her here, and he move away. 

Devi narrows her eyebrows with question.

"Like, we can, but-" Paxton begins to explain and then quickly falls silent. "Never mind, I'm on it" he says, manages not shooting himself in the foot, and returns to kissing her, his hand climbing up her back.

Devi doesn't let him turn her on her back, and instead she climbs on his pelvis and sits on him. 

Paxton takes a deep breath, delighted by how things work out. 

Devi pulls on her dress in a quick motion, and stands up to take off her pantyhose while Paxton quickly takes off his shirt, and she sits on him with a bra and panties.

"Damn, Devi" he says as he looks at her sitting over him, her breasts pressed against her bra, her panties revealing more than covering her with that sheer fabric. 

The two continue to kiss, their tongues colliding with increasing lust, their hands caressing, squeezing, scratching. Paxton opens Devi's bra, and they are revealed to him again, he can swear he can start a religion that worships her tits, in perfect size, fills his big hand precisely, with a precise mocha color, her nipple adorns each hill like a chocolate crown.

Devi lays him down again, and this time she's the one who goes down to his belly, planting hot kisses on the path of hair that has disappeared inside the pants. She opens the pants with both hands and pulls everything that bothered her on the way to his wonderful cock, leaving the pants and panties around his knees.

Paxton's cock is almost completely hard, and it's taking just a few breaths and a small kiss on the tip for Paxton to moan loudly. 

"Dev-" he whispers and she knows what he wants, and she teases him. 

He raises his pelvis up, brings the cock closer to her face, and now she almost feels bad not to kiss the cock. Her tongue comes out and licks it, from the hair-woven base to the dome, then she puts the tip in her mouth and sucks it, getting a throaty moan from Paxton.

"Fuck" he moans and his hand reaches her head, but she moves it with a sure hand, pressing it to the ground. 

She puts it in her mouth, sucking the hard cock, and she uses her hand, wetting it and returning her mouth to it, sucking it out loud and rubbing Paxton. 

His eyes are closed and one hand on his forehead, he moans and she smiles for a moment around his member, then comes back, uses her tongue to push the dome, lets her teeth scratch it for a brief moment, a moment later she licks the spot, passing any bad feeling. 

Devi takes a deep breath from her nose and slowly, puts another inch into her, and now he's in her throat, and here's another inch in, followed by another, and Devi's full throat, she's never done it with such a big cock (Ben's certainly wasn't that big, but she doesn't think about it now). 

"Fucking Shit Devi" Paxton groans loudly and his hand grabs the blanket, but Devi moves away from him before he has time to enjoy it too much, and rises up his body. 

Paxton tastes himself in her mouth, and it never turned him on like this. He raises his hands to her breasts, and feels them with big hands, makes her sigh loudly, and Devi doesn't remain obligated, her hands going over his body and then resting on his chest.

Devi lifts her body and lands on him in a hard motion, moaning loudly. 

"What the hel-" Paxton says to himself, and he has never been ridden before, never been the one who don't know what the next step is, never got his hands pinned to the floor, as Devi does now. 

Damn, that feels good. 

Devi groans over him, and on one side he see a screen of black hair, on the other he sees fishes swimming, and above him he sees only Devi, rising and falling on him, the heat coming and going away from him, then coming back again, tight, hot, wet. 

When Devi releases his hands he places them on her ass, and for a moment he dictates the pace, faster, much stronger than Devi could do, bouncing her on him, making her breasts move quickly, and for a moment she lets him do it. 

Then she grabs his hands again, pressing it to her breasts. 

"Devi" Paxton groan now, and he's not giving up strength, bouncing Devi in the air, her hair bouncing with her, her eyes wide in astonishment. 

She didn't know it was possible. 

When Devi lets him straighten his back, and cling to her, he bites her neck, licks and kisses her lips, he grabs her hair with one hand, his other hand holds her back, and he bounces her on him, making her moan loudly, inside for a moment and outside the moment after, And with each entrance, she moans a small moan that fills his ears. 

"Pax" she tells him when she is close, her voice is barely audible, and he picks up the tempo, bites her neck, and she moves over him, turns around, almost dances. 

"cum with me" Devi whispers in his ear and Paxton smiles and kisses her neck a short kiss, because the moment after he hold her ass, watching her breasts bounce in front of his face, rubbing against him. 

When he grabs a teasing nipple in his mouth, licks and bites the flesh above the nipple, they cum. 

Devi trembles over him, grabs him tightly, and he does the same, pushes into her tightly, his movement stops and he releases the nipple from his mouth, his breath catching for a moment. 

The two breathe deeply and Devi lies on Paxton's chest, not moving. 

"What was that?" He whispers into her hair and Devi giggles. 

She wanted to feel strong with him, she wanted to know she could do it, because she had never felt strong in bed until now. Ben was always determined, and because he was her first, Devi took it as a given situation.

Not here. Not with Paxton. With Paxton she can experiment, and he will accept it, he'll let her try and learn.

"I love you," she says as her breathing clears. 

Paxton smiles to himself and looks at the fishes, his hand stroking her hair. 

"I love you, too" he whispers to her, and this is the first time he has said this, but the last few months have shown him how much he enjoys her company, how much she fits him and his lifestyle, even after years. 

Devi smiles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE this chapter, I was high as fuck (like always) when I wrote it and I laughed so hard when I wrote Trent here.   
> really hoped you'll like this.  
> also it's very weird for me to write a sex scene for this specific 15-16 yo, since this show is so pure, so that is the main reason this is a future fic. I waited so long (since my last Pax/Devi) to write that.


	9. everything i wanted - Epilogue

At the end Paxton and Tommy, who couldn't agree on who would hold the ceremony, will hold the ceremony together.

Miguel and Dylan went hugging everywhere. Both are dressed in white tuxedos, Miguel's hair is gathered into a beautiful tight bun and Dylan has agreed to shave the beard he grew for the past months, leaving only blonde bristles, which highlighted the green in his eyes.

Paxton, in an ironed blue button-down shirt, walked next to Devi, who wore a long deep blue dress that revealed shaped hands and her first tatto , matching Paxton's, a small black fish. Devi now officially lives in Tommy's apartment (although his stuff is still there, she took down the paintings and turned the small apartment into her own kingdom) and unofficially, at Paxton's. 

Nalini is also there, Miguel insisted on inviting her, and although she's still not one hundred percent nice to Paxton, she likes the boy, and she's even glad her daughter found him. Paxton reminds her of Mohan, with childish, big eyes, he respects Devi and listens to her, and Nalini can't lie - that's all her daughter needs.

Trent started the police academy, and they don't know he still smokes weed every day, so it mostly stresses him out. He must quit smoking. Trent is dressed in clothes that Miguel has carefully chosen, a button-down shirt with large, white flowers, and his hair was trimmed for the police academy. Everyone thinks it's the best thing he could have done for himself, to lose his hair. Trent stands at the bar, trying to hit on Dylan's sister.

Malia walks among the people, her lavender dress and long hair fluttering in the light breeze. She got a job at QNYS as a lead music editor, and even though her salary has increased remarkably, and she doesn't have to teach any more private lessons - she still lives in the roommates' apartment. Malia brought Nina, a tutu skirt and a bow tie on her, the dog was groomed and clean and ran into the flower field, chasing butterflies. Harry there too, of-course Harry's there, Miguel wouldn't have agreed to marry without his cat, and Harry is wearing a beautiful white bow tie and sleeping on a silk pillow.

Tommy's late. He told Malia that he was a few minutes away, but twenty minutes had passed, and he was still not there, and Paxton kept reminding everyone that he had arrived in time for the wedding he was holding. Melia had never been happier, with the man of her dreams sleeping next to her almost every night, whispering loving words to her every night. When he finally arrives, twenty minutes late, he carries a large bag and his smile almost betrays him, naughty and vicious. In the pleasant sun his eyes glow blue, and his long hair moving in the wind, shining in black and tones of brown, which everyone discovers just now. He wears a long coat and a floral shirt, and looks like a hipster superstar.

"But that ass thou' " Malia says to her sister as Tommy walks away from them for a moment. Zoe was invited too, of course. She's stunning in her loose button-down shirt and tight skirt, and doesn't move away from the gang, knows no one but the roommates (and Paxton and Devi).

Tommy gathers the group, makes sure Miguel and Dylan don't hear him from their place among the guests, and picks up the bag he brought with him. 

"Two words, first word 12 letters, second word six letters," he says, and as always, the whole group sighs out loud. 

"Wait, wait, I know" Trent says with his hand raised, silencing his friends, who are silent of their own accord, a little stunned. 

"Astonish me, Terry Boy" Tommy says and almost certainly will not succeed, but - 

"Embarrassing shirts," Trent declares confidently. He would never tell anyone he peeked into the bag as soon as Tommy entered the event.

"W-what, are we in the twilight zone?" Tommy wonders to himself.

Malia takes a shirt out of the bag and opens it, these are white shirts that have a picture of Miguel and Dylan printed on them, drunk, their eyes wide open and looking at the camera, trying to align their lips together, which they failed, and in the picture they kiss each other's chin. 

"Dylan _will_ kill you" Paxton grins, and yes, it's going to turn into a funeral. 

"No! We'll put it on only later after the pictures and the ceremony.” Tommy tries to explain, and Devi shakes her head.

They're all sighing, they're know that Tommy won't ever give up, and they kinda do want to embarrass the beautiful couple, so they give up. 

Turns out each shirt has a different awkward image, the one Trent chose, they're in the woods, and Miguel and Dylan expose their asses, running away from the camera, and Trent running after them with a sheet.

That was such a good trip. 

"They're coming" Devi whispers and pushes the shirts back into the bag, the rest of the gang hiding her actions. 

The group behaves as usual to the best of their ability. They harass the photographer until he takes a million and one pictures of them, they drink and smoke fat joints at the side, Tommy pushes the joint in front of Dylan, who didn't want to smoke today but could barely refuse a fat joint.

When the ceremony begins, Devi sits down next to the harp on the right side of the guests. Malia and Trent stand on other sides, holding rings and, honestly, just trying not to ruin the ceremony, keeping quiet and shed salty tears (Trent denied he cried, but there are pictures). Paxton and Tommy, both in black blazers and serious looks, look at the couple walking down the path.

Devi plays a pleasant tune and the couple walks slowly, their hands clasped. Miguel's parents didn't come to the wedding, and Dylan didn't want his husband to walk the aisle alone. So they walk together, share glances, smile.

When the couple reaches the end of the white roses trail, and stands next to Paxton and Tommy, the two wink at the couple.

Dylan wonders if it was a wise decision to let his friends, who know so much about them, _embarrassing_ details about them, hold the ceremony.

"We gathered here today to celebrate and institutionalize the love of Miguel Fernandez and Dylan Staks" Paxton begins, and can almost feel the rolling of Tommy's eyes next to him.

"And as a close friend of the couple, I can say I have never seen a more stable love" he continued and everyone smiled. “This couple went through so much, each separately and both together, they started from a non-monogamous relationship and realized that above all and after all, they want to be with each other, only with each other. Their love changed the habits and beliefs they had, strengthened all the good in each of them, and made them both unbreakable, stable, strong.” Paxton smiled at the couple now, and there was a spark in his eyes.

"And now, after that has been said, if I may, I'll get real" he said and laughter passed in the audience. "As you all know, we are a very hands-on group" the audience laughed again, and the group noticed that it was louder than necessary.

“For three years I have seen this couple in the most difficult, most embarrassing and the happiest situations. I saw Dylan wrestling with the question of whether to be in a polymeric relationship, and I saw him decide against his beliefs, and go with his heart at the end. I saw Dylan and Miguel pick up guys, and one, I think, a girl, everyday, and then I saw the guys go, and the couple stayed close to each other, closer than ever. Their biggest fight was when Miguel could not decide for two hours on the color of the nail polish that Dylan would apply to him, and even then, they reconciled as soon as they saw each other again, and even though it was after two days, because Miguel was trippin- "Paxton stopped and shook his head.

“Even though it was after two days, it was gone like they never fought. I have never seen a couple so compatible and true to each other, and I am happy and honored to marry them” he said and smiles went through the crowd, Malia wiped a tear, Dylan’s father tried to hide his tears.

"If I mat, I'll get even more real," Tommy said, and Paxton rolled his eyes.

Here we go.

"I never believed in love," he begins, and the couple sent him stressed glances.

They should have sat down with them and heard what they were going to say first, it gonna end badly.

"There have never been healthy relationships around me, and I believed that love is an invention of huge corporations, that marriage is an invention of the man, that if you weak, you love and if you are strong, you stay alone, and even after seeing Miguel and Dylan together, I didn't understand why they are so weak." He continued and with each word more shocked looks stuck in him from the crowd. "And for a long time I loved someone, and I didn't know at all what that feeling was, until I thought about what love is, and the only answer I had was that it's what Miguel and Dylan have, what they do every day all day, this is love" he smiled and the audience still didn't let go, but Dylan and Miguel calmed down a bit, so did everyone.

“When I try to understand what love is, I think of the day Miguel fled for two days to Mexico, tripping over mushrooms. I told everyone he ran away because he thought he was being chased, and there is a chance that Miguel himself doesn't remember it, but Miguel ran away because he thought that this is he's gonna get back in time, and that way he would not fight this stupid fight with the love of his life” Tommy lay a hand on Miguel's shoulder, who blush and lowers his eyes, an embarrassed smile on his face.

The audience laughs for a moment.

"Every time I doubt myself and love, I look at this couple, and remember it's supposed to feel that way, it's supposed to be strong and intense, it's supposed to numb all your other senses and it's supposed to make you change your beliefs, it's supposed to be overwhelming and breathtaking, 'cause they love each other every day like it's the first day” Tommy smile again and the couple's red now. 

“A long time ago, when the couple had only been together a year, Dylan told me that without Miguel, he didn't know who he would be today. Miguel reminds him why he gets up in the morning, he reminds him that there is good in the world and that it's worth to keep fighting, because he has someone to fight with” Tommy now looks at Malia, who wipes her tears gently, trying not to ruin the makeup that Devi worked so hard on.

"I have never felt more honor than in this moments, having the privilige to get this two amazing people together, a couple with the healthiest, most respectful and beautiful relationship I have ever seen, and I thank them both every day for teaching me what the definition of a proper relationship is" Tommy smiled, and Dylan and Miguel smile too, and so do all the people in the place, and for a moment it seems that the whole world, and even the sun is smiling at them.

Paxton and Tommy begin the ceremony, saying the words together, in precise sync (they practiced on it for almost a month.), And the grooms exchange their vows.

Dylan promises Miguel to love him with fire and water, and accept all the little quirks that make Miguel who he is, he promises to help him apply nail polish even on days when he's tires, he promises he will never hurt him or make him sad in anyway, and he promises never to get upset by the hair Miguel leave everywhere .

Miguel's voice trembles, and after Trent strengthens his shoulder for a second, he gets stronger. He promises Dylan that he can't love more than he loves him, and he promises to be with him forever, until death do them part. Then Miguel assures him that he will never ask him to help with the nail polish.

Rings are exchanged, they say ‘I do’ and kiss passionately, until Paxton whispers to them that there is another sentence to say.

“In the love that brought us here today and by the vows you made, with great pleasure and with the power that the Universal Church of Life gives us, that we pronounce you married for life.” they say and the couple kiss again, Tommy run to Malia, kissing her strongly, Paxton and Devi doing the same.

Two joints later, the grooms changed outfits, and the gang put on the t-shirts, they all watch the couple's first dance.

The group don't give anyone a moment long enough to see the pictures on the shirts, because after the grooms' first dance, they start dancing, jumping, moving around, laughing out loud. Devi dances with Tommy and Trent, Paxton and Malia talk to the DJ for a few moments and then go back to dancing, with the strangest moves they could think of.

"I **_will_** kill you, Thomas Walker" Tommy hears behind him, the music muffles the words, and he turns to see Dylan, red. 

"It's funny!" Tommy says and shows him his shirt, a picture of the couple sleeping in the car, smiling, with dicks painted on their faces in all sorts of colors and shapes.

"You fucking crimi-" Dylan begins and Miguel pulls him for a moment and kisses him. 

"They came out great" Miguel tells Tommy after Dylan is pulled away by Trent and Devi to the middle of the dance floor.

"I know!" Tommy says and they laugh, and Paxton comes in with a tray, serving everyone shots.

"I love you guys" Paxton says aloud, and six voices return the words to him. 

"I love all of you!" Trent shouts loudly, and they drink the alcohol and keep dancing.

Tommy approaches Malia, wrapping her arms around him and holding her close to him. 

"I love you" he tells her, his eyes looking deep into hers. 

Malia kisses his lips for a moment. 

"I love you" she smiles, and the song is finally calm, and they move in their tight embrace, Malia's head on his chest, his chin on her hair. 

Paxton and Devi are kissing now, Nalini watch them from far, smiling to herself in disbelief. They dancing close now, their foreheads touching, their hands strong on each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so excited to finish posting this!!  
> would love to see what you thinking on it, and in general, whats your fandom, what u like, i'm looking for inspiration.  
> also, i have tumbler now, and i literly just started it so hope it will be ok lol.  
> https://itsdivinepoetry.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> Would love to see what you thinking!


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